Chem Drugged

ergggg...

erm...

ak....

whats this? my idiolects not working...

haay. i just realized that whenever im not doing anything, everything comes back to me beaten up child who doesn't have a bright future who is always depressed who has no friends who has been through years of being goody goody and went out underappreciated. so that's why i loved having chem16 this summer. didn't give me the time to go back to my lone self. at least when im studying chem, and it's basically taking up most of my time (the time i spend studying chem is longer than my sleeping time), i have no time to spare for reflection and being sad over my fucked up life.

im so such a lackluster. how many times have i thought of this.

ive been reading blogs lately (of my peers), seems that im not living the life i should be living. ive landed to blogs that talk about lives revolving around love, lives revolving round friends, round family, round ... friends, round barkada, round parties, erggg... it makes me feel like im way mature for my age which is - half-true.

hum dum hum dumdidum.

ang lungkot.

no one has texted me today. that's depressing.

it bothers me now (that im not thinking of anything) that i dont have anyone to talk to, not one to send a quote or text message or something. everyone's basically focused on their separate lives, and there possibly couldn't be anything too important if i send them text messages, and they wouldn't even bother deleting whatever, and its just wasted money, which i, well i......... huff.

i think my point is, im eighteen, and i dont have a girlfriend at the moment. AND IM NOT EVEN DATING!!

...

nyerk. whatever im saying.

i basically have a weird concept about everything.

tell me the reason why i picture myself as the person who would kill the hours in a stuffy library, eat alone in a restaurant that serves oily food, watch tv, laugh out loud, hear my voice resound the unit, and feel so stupid for being so alone when there are so many people out there partyin, eatin with friends, whatever.

aaargghhh...

let me confess something. (since most of my friends have found out that i have a SECRET blog)...

im not so much of the innocent boy with a big heart that everyone knows. you see, i had "relationships" with girls who, as far as my knowledge had the capacity to understand, are only up for the perks of having a guy pose at the background for their "that's-my-fling/boy-toy pic". ive had flings with girls who are not really up to doing serious stuff, just hanging round, laro lang, more of puppy love with a university twist. and its kind of trashy ... ?

i didnt like it. having flings with people just for the sake of not being single at the moment.

basta i always end up feeling used... !@#^&*(

erg wag na nga.

if i go back to studying chem, maybe all these things im feeling will go away. hopefully.

-no trace-