Prickly

helo torian...

so stupid to have woken up very late in the morning. econ109 starts 830, i woke up 825... i had to deal with the crunch time by not putting conditioner on, not wearing my shoes until class, and not having the time to eat breakfast.

class in the morning is from 830 to 1130. by the time accounting ended, my stomach is aching. but we have to go the movie house to catch just like heaven, so again i forgot to eat lunch. by the time movie almost ends, im feeling dizzy. i thought i felt my fingertips and face tingled with the same sensation i have always experienced whenever my gastroenteritic attacks showed up: cold, prickly, and painful.

got a perfect score on our last exercise in mathematical econ. results given earlier. got a perfect score. again... i got a perfect score. that's once in a blue moon.

looking forward to francais dix demain. i wish i could be as fluent as mon professeur.

mmm...

me being with girls all the time bothers me. it doesn't before, but it does now. why dont i make friends with boys like me? things would be a lot different. i would have had a girlfriend by now. coz being with girls sort of exposes me to them, and i dont get excited seeing girls lately.

but it's a good thing also though that im not in love in the meantime. not gonna get in love anytime soon.

why do i have this feeling that the company i provide to people is just an add-on to what they have? why do i feel like no one needs me and i can vanish anytime without anyone noticing. why do i feel like when i vanish, no one will ever care to look for me, or no one will ever find me because they never really knew the places i went to??

i have this paranoid thought that out of the 20 people i talk to everyday, only 5 are sincere. the other fifteen just speak to give me a proper conversation or to appear friendly to somebody else.
it's disheartening to know the fact that you are just one person in a sea of people, each of which have their own lives to tend to.

i remember this friend i have, who had no one really close to her but her boyfriend. and despite the odds, their relationship managed to strive in this cruel world. they're actually happy, being with each other, even though a lot of people despise her. i did despise her too, once. but now, i long to be inspired by them, take part with the hapiness that only them knew for sure. if they would only let me. if the world would only share.

-hibernate-