Anxiety Attack

*twaft twaft twaft*
-me playing with a glass of water


waah, nababangag ako. i have two meeting scheds tomorrow and im thinking, whoa i just got myself into year-long commitments, one of which may even extend beyond. and i still have to work for the council. what shit have i gotten myself into? huhu scurred...

there are butterflies in my brain (?). my mind has this habit of retaining thoughts for very long durations of time, and when it does, the thoughts keep nagging the crown of my head. gnaw gnaw gnaw.. sometimes i even imagine a rat gnawing at my medulla, trying to squeak out something. eek weird.

at the moment, one specific rodent is getting so much of my attention. it says:

"i want to meet new people... gnaw..."

its just that i feel so jaded in some areas of my life. i want to transcend my bounds, or at least change some of my routines. but what shall i change?

we were being baked in PH416 this afternoon during PI, and Kat, a classmate, told me: "sobrang bored na bored na ko sa buhay ko," (at the back of my mind i wanted to say, ah, QLC, been there... but there was a tone in her voice that was beyond QLC) "gusto ko talagang pumunta sa amerika, magbuhay ala-ONE TREE HILL... (why she said that, i dunno, but at least she knows what she's bored about and what she wants to do for a change...)

i, on the other hand, am clueless about what routines to change (because frankly im a very constant person and i havent ventured out reflecting on my life finding things to change) although, well, i have the tiniest bit of a hint i got this morning. i have it but i dont want to do it because it would appear like an ulterior motive of some sort, and some people with just find me puzzling and they'd err on the worse side of things (blah, you're not getting me now don't you?)

*Little of your Time - maroon 5*

ak so little time, and im not doing anything! i want to have my ETS now! i want to try out spicy food (just for a change), i want to eat sugpo! (but i can't huhu), oooh spanish is interesting... actually, SHE is interesting. and the comics are interesting too. !@#$ i want to para-glide (gimme money.) ak rodents!!

-i need to clean the unit. relax, kimoy...-