Growing Up

shit.

i have two exams tomorrow, and i havent studied for one yet. things are suddenly getting off track. too off track to even let me recollect them. ive tried reading my biology notes, but whenever i hear the tick of the clock hanging from my lonely white wall, i look up, think of my life and growing up, and ponder endlessly of the things we trade off and trade in when we choose to leave behind what's fancy and beautiful.

i dunno. the hours i spent ruminating about growing up left me a handful of blurs, except for one very clear realization: growing up is irreversible. when you grow up, you say bye-bye to playing toys, to throwing your dirty clothes anywhere knowing that someone's gonna pick it for you, to killing hours playing starcraft, or having a jar of soft batch cookies under your pillow when you sleep. no more little doodledoos. things will have to be firm, just like the bark of trees when herbaceous plants grow up: hard, unmoving, dead.

well, dead doesn't necessarily mean death. at least one part of your personna is dead when you grow up... so that's by the same token - dead at functional maturity.

erg.


this is quarter life crisis at its purest form.

i have to go back to bio otherwise things will go more off track. for now i'll eat my burger steak and potato chips. i hope my usual enjoyment of water cleanses me of the complicated thoughts i have in my brain.

-bonne chance-