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life is so unfair. no wonder people resort to extreme measures like theft, internal sabotage, or suicide, in their attempt to level an otherwise inequitable situation. if we want to play by the rules, we must accept it, and learn to live by it so long as we live.

this week, i had some major disappointment from one of my economics teachers. yes, she's from LSE, yes she knows the history of economics by nature, and yes she have the most detailed printout notes i have yet read, but she, of all the people who serves one of the most respected faculty in the land, doesnt recognize a true word once she stumbles upon one. i am talking about my econ111 teacher, and my papers about economic nationalism and feudalism, both of which i got grades not higher than dos.

to be exact, my feudalism paper got only 2.5 because it is concise, substantial, straight-to-the-point, and original, written exactly to fit the standards of paper-writing - the paper-writing i had been indoctrinated with. it is so unfair, not only because i dont deserve a grade like that, but also because some of the papers that copped unos where the ones which were long, flowery, eye-itchy, and copy-pasted... (yes, some ones confessed to me. but i am not mad at them, im mad at the inconsideration my teacher gave to my paper.)

i have read the readings thoroughly, read more than two sources for my first paper this semester, and interpreted them in my own words, just to get two underappreaciated papers that combine for an average of 2.25. i have even coined terms for the sake of thorough articulation! but my teacher failed to notice that. and her reason why she gave me those grades is because i failed to define the phrase "Carolingian Empire..."

wow. yes, some big words. especially if you are from LSE. you might know nothing about it. my bad.

this is the exact reason why education, through the years, swung from excellency to mere melismatic subjectivity. maybe the grades my teacher gave me tells me that next time, i should right lengthy and redundant paragraphs that go round and round. and round without making any sense at all.

or better yet, i could copy-paste. they got higher grades for that you know.

...

but well, it's not like ive never been cheated before. moving on.

despite the depressing facts life has to offer, i am, ironically, happy for certain things... here:

1. im happy because vanilla cream frap exists, and that the chunky chicken sandwich from The Hungry Hippo have the crunchiest cabbage leaves, the most flavorful tomatoes, the crispiest smelling wheat bread, and the chunkiest chicken spread all fixed in one nice sandwich that's fit as food for gods.

2. im happy because my laptop has arrived although i havent laid hands on it yet because it's still at my cousin's house. just knowing it's there makes me excited.

3. im happy because the laundromat person has never forgotten to make a count of the things in my laundry, so as not to lose any of my articles.

4. im happy because i have this very smart classmate in econ151 who teaches me, argues with me, and helps me decide over things, like my individual report for instance. i get clearer options from her.

5. im happy because one of my newfound friends asked me what i wanted for christmas and i said i dont want anything. i realize im not a material person after all, (although i get happy about the laptop and the food, haha, let's exclude that...) it's just that christmas, for me, doesn't end on giving gifts, opening expensive wrappers, and filling the base of the christmas tree with little cadeaus... it's more of pacification, celebrating humanity, and being happy as humanity altogether.

6. im happy because even though i will have yet another white christmas, a person cares for me, wishes me happiness, and thinks i still have the best-looking smile in her world.

7. im happy because so far, everyone is happy for christmas.

8. im happy because musicians converge to create a genre called "Christmas" and make songs such as the Opera of the Bells, an a capella rendition of oh holy night, and a multilingual version of the song Silent night...

9. im happy because even though i woke up sick, im going to go to sleep feeling better.

10. im happy because my mum is going to visit me tomorrow, bring my laptop over, maybe bring some medicines, and another jar of chocolate flakes perhaps...

wow, sanguinity aside, there are a lot of things to be happy about in this life. even though our academic efforts do not get reciprocated, life compensates through other areas in our life. acads is just one part of life anyways, there's a whole lot more... so let's just be happy, because happiness proves us strong by defying the bitterness of life.

i wish i'll be this optimistic for the rest of my life.

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