En L'air

was watching happy campers when an overwhelming feel of sluggishness came over me and i fell dead asleep in an instant. i woke up at a knock at my door but i didnt answer it. i simply couldn't move.

sometimes i want to go to the doctor, have my shot of testosterone and get the transition thing over with. the h-word is ruling my life. and life is not being fruitful because of it.

after two hours of dreamless afternoon sleep, i feel a bit relaxed, and my back is not aching anymore. maybe the h-overdrive is over for this month... goood.

today i met with angie michel jj and ate ly for our group report. uh.. it's about india.. and we are void of gimmicks that would make the presentation interesting. oh well..

we talked about this clique thing within the batch, and how incurable it is... it's like a plague. the batch reps simply do not have enough power to reverse the adverse effects of having a divided batch, if the "adverse effects" are actually realized. some people simply do not care.

you see when we were freshmen, two big cliques emerged within the confines of the school of economics.. anika's masa kada and the more elitist BABES...

anika's masa kada is a conglomeration of econ students who go plain. stereotypical faces, barely noticeable fashion styles, the things that are reminiscent of the underdog world. the Babes on the other hand is the delusional "world of stars..." it is the group of mestizos with slanted eyes; rich kids with porcelain skin and porcelain cars... their flashy attires and gleaming blingbling gives us a feel of wealth, power, and social influence. these are the two major cliques that emerged as the whole world that was econ watched, and waited.

the others, like me, simply went marginalized. cant join the masa kada because they simply are a bit jologs for me (us) (at that time), cant go with the conos because they simply dont see me as one of their kind. so i (we) went marginalized. on the course of this schism i met other marginalized people, and we formed barkadas of ourselves. until today, the batch is still divided despite efforts of uniting it.

i hope the next batch rep manages to assemlbe us as one tight group of students... connections start early. this is the time to know people so that when we go out to the real world, we'll have a list of names to contact when the need arises.

whatever, why am i ever talking about this...

lah.

hmmm..

angie is turning twenty one tomorrow. she feels like she's too young to be twenty one... me.. i also feel too young for my age. nineteen years and i still enjoy cartoons, still glorify material things, still want chocolate boxes and pajamas... when will i ever grow up?

ewan.

i think im having quarter life crisis again...

sometimes i ask myself why the world needs psycho killers and murderers when we have ourselves who can do the killing for us..

what am i saying???

-mon tete est en l'air...-