Battling Ectomorphism

I want to throw up but i cant. im eating myself to death. who knows how much salt i've gobbled up today.

first i put too much salt in my tuna. then i ate my home made french fries. then three large fries packs, one cup of swirly bitz, one cup of mcflurry, chicken steak, and more restaurant food that contains all the oils to stop your heart from beating. shit, im becoming a glutton, and it's hard, for i know that i should be eating healthy food and instead i munch cholesterol in its purest form.

it's so hard being an ectomorph. you buy lots of food, eat lots of food, then you excrete them all away in the span of 60 minutes. if you don't, you end up sweating em.

well i guess that's how it is. i can't force my body to gain any weight anymore. first i tried eating eggs, because they say i will really build up with it, but look at me now, still the same old twiggy me. i drank milk since time immemorial to grow my bones, but i realized how rickets can actually deform my feet. i tried to eat as much sweets as possible, but my throat complains about it. then there's cherifer, and the urban legend in lipa that if you dont get taller by drinking it, you stretch horizontally instead. well fellows, ive tried it, and guess what, same old paper-thin me.

if people think being fat is the scourge of human aesthetics, think again. the philippines is a land of stick-men, wishing to gain a pound or fatten up so as not to look like sickly malnutritioned retards or something.

i hate being so thin. it makes me feel like the weakest virus in the world can put me down. i want to be healthy, but i guess it's reserved for those who won the genetic lottery during the beginning of time.

well, i gotta find another way to tickle my growth hormones. maybe in some time, in another world, one of my dreams will come true. that one where i woke up in an immaculately white room in the middle of the city, all grown up, tall, ripped, healthier than any Greek gladiator can ever be. I looked at myself in the mirror, and God will only know the handsome man staring back at me...

forgive me of this self-righteous passage. i'm a dreamer too...

-dreaming-