Life 101

tap tap tap.

all i hear is the unceasing and annoying hum of city noise. the electric fan, the vehicles outside, the constant tapping on my keyboard... its ironic that city life can be boring for a cheerful person like me...

if life is a course, then i would have been getting a D in all the periodical tests that went by. despite the 18 years that ive been studying, im still unknowledgeable of many things. im failing Social Interactions 101, and i still have an Incomplete in Romance and Love 143... will have to boost my soul power in Morals and Ethics 666...

erg. im educationally malnourished. im excelling in Sexual Education 69 though. wehe.

friends are so adept in Imagination 99. sori guys. i celebrated a blue valentine's yesterday. so niña and ayen, the reason why the phone kept ringing and no one seemed to answer is because i was surfing the internet the whole evening. the cable of the fellytone was connected to the pc... you know the stuff. so your call have to wait. apparently, after watching PBB, and more surfing until midnight, i slept my brain out.

by the way, Sleeping 88 is not a very good subject. im becoming more and more of an insomniac by the day because of my inability to learn how to sleep. darn..

erg.

and just now, as i was making a slurping sound trying to drain the small amount of chocolate shake that's left of my pearl cooler, i realized how lost i am in this fucking world. parang sink... the water goes down its guts with a slurping sound, straight to the poso negro, lost to the comfort room forever. im so lost, just like that. everything seems alien. my nachoritos is like a nigger, reminding me of the racial discrimination of the rest of the world towards asians. the mouse became a ranting feminist who broke loose because im a boy. and the computer screen morphed into god... not God... god... saying: "nye nye nye nye nyeh! ur stuck in your hard stupid world! and your fuckin cellphone is buzzing because someone tells you she needs someone to talk to... le pouvre!"

erg. shock absorber na naman. grrr... im tired of having to listen to everybody's stories. sometimes im tempted to remember the things that everyone told me, their secrets, their dirty little secrets, and bring them all out. whoa. buzz will embrace the city.

a lot of people use me as shock absorber you know. that's why i know a lot of secrets. but, im not that good in Secret-keeping because i keep on forgetting everything they've said. but if i try, just a little effort to remember everything, maybe i will be able to recall. id need a daily log to record each secret recorded in my brain.

but im not doing that, because i know most of these secrets are none of my business. i just knew them because people wanted me to know. ironically, during times when i wanted to know their secrets, people retract, saying i shouldn't know. so in the end, i dont know what i want to know, and i get to know what i didn't want to know. parang love - hindi dumadating pag hinahanap.

another text message... of all people. me. the universal secret-keeper.

nuff.

going back to my lost self, im going to reply to this person that "im busy cleaning my bowels so if you dont mind..." for a change. oh, i made myself a johari window to find my lost self. johari window is the social perception thing we studied in basic speech fundamentals. of course people should create it with me... so, here:


http://kevan.org/johari?name=kimoy

hmmm...

there.

if life is a course, then im 18 years none the wiser. pakshet. life oh life. hey, i lost my "life" notes. so here is where i shall end, id have to look for my "life" notes pa. baka bumagsak ako sa "life" exam...

hehe. sori if i sounded too cerebral. here are the inner workings of my complicated brain.

-looking for "life" notes-