Lurec,Tanis,Kimoy
Dog Crammer
Crush ko to'!!
I am this strong!!
Minimum Point
this is the first time i would ever fear the future.
i still havent found a new place to live in. each day pass, i will inevitably have to find me a new unit, because the contract for 315 will expire on March. i fear that i will again start at the beginning, and work my way again through the difficult process of adjusting. it's going to be tough, and i dont know if i can stand it.
i am at my lowest. i shiver at the thought that my university life is in peril, and a leave of absence can happen. if no one can finance my expenses here, then i face a school hiatus, my great fear. school is everything that matters to me. i cant imagine life without school. take it away and im not the same person. but pressing issues now confront me, face to face.
if i would continue the lifestyle im living, i would have to give up my dreams. med school is a faint dream now - because of this financial famine, im beginning to be convinced that i will never set foot in a medical school, never ever wear scrubs for work, never even touch medical books. everything is gone now, my dreams of becoming a doctor. a sacrifice that scarred my ego, a sacrifice i failed to contain. and i became a believer - that sometimes, people do GIVE UP their dreams.
...
...
everything will change after this: my future, my relationship with other people, but most of all, my self. i dont think i could maintain the attitude i exude now. again i would be forced to find a new normal, and i have to say goodbye to the smiling keneth i knew back then.
being kind now doesn't entitle me to salvation in the future. i have tried to be humble, to do good in my acads, and to live the life people wanted me to have. but in the end, everything will evaporate into a dark cloud of uncertainty. god doesn't reward kindness with kindness, for the people who suffer suffer more, entitling them a place in heaven. but what matters is now. the end cannot always ease the pain of the means. life is a cruel witch, and change is its constant companion.
whatever i did to deserve this?
i still havent found a new place to live in. each day pass, i will inevitably have to find me a new unit, because the contract for 315 will expire on March. i fear that i will again start at the beginning, and work my way again through the difficult process of adjusting. it's going to be tough, and i dont know if i can stand it.
i am at my lowest. i shiver at the thought that my university life is in peril, and a leave of absence can happen. if no one can finance my expenses here, then i face a school hiatus, my great fear. school is everything that matters to me. i cant imagine life without school. take it away and im not the same person. but pressing issues now confront me, face to face.
if i would continue the lifestyle im living, i would have to give up my dreams. med school is a faint dream now - because of this financial famine, im beginning to be convinced that i will never set foot in a medical school, never ever wear scrubs for work, never even touch medical books. everything is gone now, my dreams of becoming a doctor. a sacrifice that scarred my ego, a sacrifice i failed to contain. and i became a believer - that sometimes, people do GIVE UP their dreams.
...
...
everything will change after this: my future, my relationship with other people, but most of all, my self. i dont think i could maintain the attitude i exude now. again i would be forced to find a new normal, and i have to say goodbye to the smiling keneth i knew back then.
being kind now doesn't entitle me to salvation in the future. i have tried to be humble, to do good in my acads, and to live the life people wanted me to have. but in the end, everything will evaporate into a dark cloud of uncertainty. god doesn't reward kindness with kindness, for the people who suffer suffer more, entitling them a place in heaven. but what matters is now. the end cannot always ease the pain of the means. life is a cruel witch, and change is its constant companion.
whatever i did to deserve this?
-lost-
scribed by Ken Tolentino @ 4:05 PM
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