Transcending Me

done watching this foreign film about aculturation. at first i was hesitant to rent it because it looked like some boo flick, being in the rack of (romantic) comedy. well out of boredom, i rented it nevertheless, along with two other monumental flops. i was lucky i rented it, because it is the root of my sentimental realizations for the day.

i watched the film and i felt like i was in the scene. have you watched a french-spanish film and felt like you were french in your past life, and you realize that this world is a grand design of barriers? invisible, intangible... barriers that prevents people from moving forward effortlessly? yes. culture, language. the universal law of impenetrability. people hardly move forward without the help of axioms. humans use their instinct of distinguishing the six universal emotions to communicate with the world to break barriers. but when this instinct fails to fuel the engine of communication, humans tend to create normals different from what he lives, but it is where he can move freely, think liberally, and live life like what he wanted it to be.

i am a case of realizations, reinventions, and transcendence.

a new normal revolves around me. i dont comb my hair anymore. no braces now, i seldomly wear my spectacles. darkened my skin, wore for comfort, and tried to speak another language. i learned how to write. forced myself to develop a liking on burger steak and the different shades of the gray scale. i realized that photographs are slices of life in still, so i make the best emotions when a camera is on me. i learned to accept, respect, appreciate the people and things around me. i look at the future with intent, like a leprechaun attracted to gold..

i dont speak out loud without giving regards to the givens anymore. i believe im humble now. and im a changed person.

i thought of love, looked for it in real life, and when i saw it, i never looked at it the same way again. maybe the reason why TRUE love escaped me is because i had no background about love, no backstory about how it functions in real life. in that sense i am ignorant and weak.

finding new normals are helpful. especially for people like me who have frequent "weakling" moments. i dont mind "strong" people anymore, telling me to collect myself and pounce on life like it's a piece of cake. i accept my weakness, and that's why i searched for new pastures. besides, strong people die anyways. it's more amusing to see them wimping as they surrender their dear lives, the strong people that they are.

basically im a changed person. how i changed was a matter of letting your past be a monumental history, and burrying the traumas behind every golden day in it. im tired of brooding over my not so colorful childhood. when i marry and have kids, i will teach them how to celebrate life, and teach them the art of finding normals, so they wont grow up like stone formations, perpetually weathered by time, until they end up being specks of sand washed away to far unknowns. no. they will live beautifully.

a close kin of mine told me recently that she hardly recognized me because i changed as i aged. well. people grow up you know.

but my blood is still the same, my soul still unchanged. i may not be the fair child with long brown flowing hair anymore, i may not be the dog-loving boy who's afraid of dogs, as what you've described me, but im still the good person i was back then. we can still talk of the old house, the christmas gatherings, or whatever... believe me. it's still me... i just learned a lot from life, that's the only difference.

i just found my new normal, and i developed a tougher shell.

have you ever tried taking a shower in another way? we take a shower facing the knobs right? try facing the other way, and feel the difference.

may you feel the subtle feel of liberation it gave me when i did.

-i am afraid of strength beyond measure-