Defensive Mechanism

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

~Savin' Me - Nickelback yeah!

daamn. theme song for the day. literally, my academic life needs some saving.

for the first time in my life, i am subjected to probation due to academic delinquency. shit. who would have ever thought that the bright and shining kid with the big smile (and big heart) who aced all subjects (except econ... and accounting) back in formative life was in fact, in a big academic mess in college. damn. so much for my love of bio. so much for my being a writer. so much for my french and graphic arts electives back in high school. it's all coming back to me. all the magnificent academic past is all wrapped up in a list of names of students who are under probation this sem.

fuck.

just so you know, i was voted most friendly student once in kinder and twice in elementary, and was best in math, science, and arts, (and reading = basic literature) during kinder graduation. i was neatest student and best writer in filipino in elementary, and copped many academic awards in high school. and i was in the higher echelons of the academic ladder in high school because i was in the cream section for three years. and there were more than 500 students in my batch, and cream sections only have 45 students in it. just so you know, that im not that much of a dimwit you're trying to deduce of me.

it's just that econ is such a pain in the ass, that i even feel my nerves throbbing when i read econ books. really.

by the way. 4th paragraph is pure defense mechanism. during times like this, i stick to psychological concepts. yes, i am exuding a defense mechanism.

BECAUSE I AM NOT BOBO DAMMIT! TALK TO ME ABOUT THE NATURAL SCIENCES IN THE WORLD, AND YOU SURE WILL MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF ME!

eff.

grrr...

*walks out. buys ice cream. chills...*

*after 9 minutes and 28 seconds...*

good thing mr. arcenas was good enough to lift my spirits for this sem. he said i shouldn't be afraid of what might happen. he said i should be strong, and should believe that it is not impossible to get a high grade in econ131, what more econ106. i just need to lift my ewa, because after all, my gwa is doing fine. if im able to lift it, then i can shift to wherever pre-med course i wanted to shift to. just get high in econ106 and 131.

stupid ewa. even mr. arcenas thinks im not that good in econ. let's see...

EWA = 2.6 ---> poor. very poor.
MWA (math weighted average. yes, there's such thing) = 2.56 ---> will do. but not that good either.
GWA = ~2.4 - ~2.1 ---> at the edge. but will do still.

haay. not very good figures. you're thinking im such a dummy now aren't you whoever you are? well, i say...

ALWA = 1.19 ---> STELLAR!

ALWA stands for arts and letters weighted average. this would include comm3, eng12, french11, and cw10... yeah its a term coined by me. Ü hehe

hmmm. nothing. i just want you to know that im not just some person under probation. im a bright compendium restrained under weathering conditions. econ is not my forte, it never will be. i just hope i will break free of all these.

1.75 or higher. help me God.

-bonne chance-