Realizations

Hiya Torian!

Ang INIIIIT!! I can feel my skin peeling.

Hey, we moved out of the damned de Leon's boarding house. We can't imagine staying there during summer days; we'd be baked alive.

We moved to Golden Crescent Mansion; it's behind McDo Katipunan, beside Kostka School. Jejo (my cousin and still my roommate) is so excited and his attitude was very contagious. We were thinking the whole day, trying to put some interior design in the very vague room. Jejo's girlfriend was there to help, and the three of us spent the day arranging furnitures (as if there were many), organizing things, and putting life to the room.

Jejo was so afraid of the curtain-less windows that he proposed on putting metal chains on the catchers so no one would ever barge in.

Now, Jejo left for home yesterday, and I spent the day alone again. Nevertheless, I'm still enjoying the feel of the new home... Wippeeee!!

Now I can watch TV, and American Idol, and MYX, and news...

Hey!! I'm finally free!! My Calculus exam concluded my freshman's second semester in UP. I didn't do well in the exam but I'm happy because I finally got over it.

My HS classmates are planning to go to the beach on the 9th and 10th of April. Good idea.

I can't wait to see them again. I finally enrolled myself to Anti-Society by refusing any "18 candles" offer or by avoiding too crowded places like Chiggy's and Palma Hall. But I can't resist having some good time with my HS classmates. They deserve it, I deserve it; besides, they're not society, they are life.

Last night, I was alone, listening to acoustic music over the radio.

And guess what.

I cried myself to sleep. Like a baby orphaned to the cold summer night.

I thought of many things...

I realized that I'm sticking to Anger Management because I didn't to get into any trouble again.
I realized that Jejo is a very practical companion.
I realized that I'd never go wrong if I'd be myself.
I realized that eating too much canned goods is dangerous - I can't breathe properly until now. Maybe because of the cholesterol.
I realized that living in Quezon City is very expensive, so I'm thankful that I decided to study in UP instead of the Ateneo.
I realized that even though I can't fit in easily in UP society, it's harder to fit in the Atenean realm.
I realized that I'm not in love anymore.
I realized that I'm a very beautiful person. SOMEONE always made me know how ugly I am physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually, but I realized that he is just so full of himself and his definition of beauty is very narrow.
I realized that you don't have to be good-looking to be good. One have to be someone who can make someone smile to be good.
I realized that girls are very superficial. They always wanted to impress. But I'm no Chauvinist.
I realized that not all girls are superficial. There are those girls who are very simple yet I find them beautiful. They're those who didn't even try, but made an impression on me that's very beautiful.
Ironically, I realized that I badly need a girlfriend. When I saw how Jejo and Angelica faced the world holding each others hands for support, I thought I'd do better if someone's holding my hand too.
I realized that the mirror is so fake.
I realized that music is integral, not only to me, but to a lot of people.
I realized that I'm living my life very unproductively.
I realized that I need someone to talk to, aside from Jejo and my family. Someone.
I realized that that someone is very ideal that she can't even be true.
That's why I realized that I'm not in love anymore.
Damn...

When I finally closed my eyes, I felt someone's hand crawl to my torso. A Jasmine scent filled the air. I whirled around, tried to catch a glimpse of who it was, but it was too dark to determine the intruder so I closed my eyes again. But I did not feel intrusion in the purest aspect of it. That someone carressed my body, and it squirmed beside me. I felt cold flowing hair all around, realizing that it was a she. I snuggled back, and locked her in a possessive embrace. When she stopped moving, I opened my eyes. And there she was, so real. I saw her again, now in my dreams. I always saw her in a Harvard-patterned building in the university but now she's in my bed, hugging me. Not believing the sight, I closed my eyes for the third time. But when I opened them again - there, where ******* had once been snuggling me, slumped my fluffy pillow, etched with the recesses from the pressure of my hands. I woke up beaded with sweat and my heart was pounding frantically inside my chest. I looked around but there was nothing but bright moonbeams peeking through a small crack in the window.

Damn...

Gotta go home. I'll fetch my stuff first at the Mansion and buy my cousin a gift... She graduated with second honorable mentions and I'm really proud of her.

Check on you later...

-breathing-