Crossed

i'm gonna try something. i hope this works. *fingers crossed*

i've been reading some of ma friends' blogs, and i found a poem that goes like this:

for the last time,
listen to my heart.
listen to its beating.
listen to my soul.
listen to its aching.

don't you hear anything?
don't you hear my heart
calling out your love?
don't you hear my soul
calling out your soul?
in the wilderness,
this heart,
this soul
is calling out your name.

hear me,
for the last time.

-linnie

...

mmm, very beautiful poem. first time i read it, it struck me. i've posted the poem here last time but i deleted the entry because i said something bad about someone in UP in the entry. and circumstances forced me to delete it lar. nevertheless, i copied the poem again, because i want it to appear here. the poem somehow reminds me of someone from my high school days. beautiful poem.

uh, i'm sick of trying to fit in. i'm the weirdest of weirdos, yeah, as if my self-esteem needs more beating. shit lar, life's so uncool. gotta find some people who'd hook up wid my absurdities.

but here in UP, no one seems to fit with me.

i wrote my assignment in psych101. prof asked us to write things that would introduce us to her, actually the title of the exercise was "who am i..." the purpose is obvious. well, i wrote things that would basically define me, but writing doesn't seem to open me up. words are failing me - words are betraying my definition.

or maybe i'm just really absurd to even be defined by the dictionary of mortals. shit lah.

i want to go to nepal. life is more simple there. you don't have to be not yourself to live. argghhh, when i'm with people, i'm never myself. i try hard to be the person that they want out of me. grrr, out of bounds man. i'm running a life that's out of my league.

good thing there is darryl and aizel. been sending me messages and been keeping in touch. kept me alive. breathing.

i'm gonna try something. i hope this works. *fingers crossed*

met a friend named bimbim. bimbim is from psych and is my classmate in volleyball. i think we're friends. the person is simple, and the life that bimbim lives seems liveable. we're joining the volleyball club. just in case we spend more time together, i wanna know friendship outside the confines of my cruel world... in econ... wish me luck.

here's to bimbim...

-hoping-