Barrenness in a Shush Sea of People

I can't relate.

...

humans are a sophisticated society. company is, therefore, a necessity. i am human. i need company.

...

lately, i've been feeling so out there. it's like being in a sea of people where nobody notices you, tiny fish in the head lights. it's like trying to tune in on a different frequency.

i dunno, it feels... so gray.

lately, i've been feeling so... out... of place.

-mute-

Four Levels of Unanticipated Animosity

I LOST MY WALLLEEEET!!

like two days ago. i was going home from work, and i can't exactly remember where it might have been lost because i was too sleepy to care. anyways, now in retrospect, i think it's either when i was walking through the every morning chaos in philcoa, or when i rode the tryc back to my apartment in UP Village.

i mean, sheheeet. all my id's are there: my sss id which took years before it materialized, my tin card which i always substituted for a visitor's pass when i go somewhere's, my voter's card! just when the elections are coming.. but the worst of all, is my UP ID...

wait. i think im gonna cry...

*pauses to hold the tears back...*

*sniff sniff*

uhm.

it's just that my UP card is my most immediate proof of me being a UP student. I mean, i could just pull it out, and it gives you the quickest testament of my college life: every bit of scratch, every blot of bleaching ink, each sticker for each semester... i mean, it just gives you everything. ugh... and now it's gone, and its irreplaceable.

like, when i lost it, i just let out a huge huge bellow. i think i said FUCK. like... FU-HUUUUCKK... like that.

...

anyways, i went out with my girls that afternoon so i could stop thinking about my lost effecti. it was fun, like fun fun. nobody beats old friends...

hay.

so now i start recollecting my id's... at the moment i feel so so anonymous. i hope recollecting my ID's won't be as hard as the first time.

and oh, im still remotely wishing that the person who has my wallet would give it back... just in case.. you know. i leave it to the cosmos, please be nice to me.

-anonymous-

One Possible End to My Catharsis

auhh.. sometimes you will need a dingdong from the outside to realize that after all, you're just living a delusion. seemed fun, all this time, then this... dingdong. ringing in my ears, growing, louder and louder. it's so inviting, but what a pain to follow the siren song and leave everything behind.

dingdong.

i can keep fooling myself that it's fun living like a vampire, but for how long will i be creative enough to maintain this illusion? the dingdong is whispering good things in my ear, like a devil in angel wings, and im none the wiser.

dingdong.

should i? it's seems fun there...

I'll just turn, and take a glimpse, maybe..

-blinding light-

Two Chat Threads on Facebook

One day on Facebook...

Ayen

You didnt say "yeah" kaya to me!

Hahahaha!

Defensive noh. Haha.

4:09pmKimoy

I still have it in my sent items

;p

haha

i'll sue you for libel

4:09pmAyen

Hahahaha! Sige show meee!

I didn't get that, sweaaar :P

4:10pmKimoy

HAHA

anyways

what are we going to do ba?

4:10pmAyen

What do you feel like doing?

4:11pmKimoy

anything that involves dinner...

actually kayo bahala. i'll go wherever you will go (way up high... or down low...)

4:12pmAyen

lets just drink at Tin's?

4:12pmKimoy

hmm... okay. ;p

4:13pmAyen

Didn't Pia tell you its an overnight thing?

4:14pmKimoy

hmmm... im not sure (hehe, i'll go back to my cellphone in a bit.)

pero if overnight, then that means kelangan ko magdala ng stuyff?

4:15pmAyen

Clothes? hahaha. Yeah.

I'll be sleeping over at Hannah's nga on Friday eh.

So I have a lot of stuff Hahaha

4:16pmKimoy

ah

cge cge

do you happen to know where tin lives? i dunno how to get there..

4:17pmAyen

she lives in Manila

I can't remember where exactly

asking her if we can meet up somewhere we're all familiar with...

...

ON another part of the FB world...

Tin

HOY QUINITO

4:02pmKimoy

who's this?

(LOL)

4:02pmTin

WTF

4:02pmKimoy

what's up my friend?

4:02pmTin

youre not coming??

4:03pmKimoy

huh? who told you that?

4:05pmTin

ayen!

4:05pmKimoy

that's not true

she texted asking if im coming

i said YEAH

ayen talaga..

4:06pmTin

WUSHU..

really ha..

4:09pmKimoy

oo nga. and let's not talk about it muna kasi if we do, mapupurnada...

;p

basta im coming

4:10pmTin

WOW

may ganung term

purnada

haha

4:10pmKimoy

yes my friend. it's a tagalog word meaning... macacancel.

4:10pmTin

eh kasi ayen's asking what our gameplan is

or at least an idea what we're gonna do

haha

4:11pmKimoy

ako anything, basta may dinner

;p

hey tin, can you bring your camera, i just wanna see something

4:12pmTin

hahaha

ok good!

sige i can

overnight to ah

4:12pmKimoy

HA?

overnight ba?

4:13pmTin

oooooooo oooooooooo

4:14pmKimoy

so magdadala ko ng stuff?

4:16pmKimoy

ok as per ayen magdadala ako ng stuff...

yey! im excited!! i thought dinner lang eh, hehe

4:17pmTin

hindi!!

it's more of the after dinner nga

haha

oh bring cards!

4:17pmKimoy

OF COURSE!

4:19pmTin

lets dinner somewhere muna

i can meet u guys somewhere

4:20pmKimoy

fine by me! coz come to think of it, i dunno exactly where you live hehe... (i used to think u lived in this cave somewhere in pantranco i dunno..)

4:23pmTin

CAVE?

hahaha

ah no dear

i upgraded na

:P

HAHAHAHA!

4:23pmKimoy

HAHAHA!

4:27pmTin

anyway

i have a meeting na

ill see u guys on sat!

im excited

4:28pmKimoy

ok!

c ya!

...

Wooot! Im gonna have some fun on sat. you know where i'll be at!

-excited-

Three Text Messages Before My Bittersweet Vindication

Chill my friend. your hormones are in overdrive. it's not even valentine's yet. wait till February and we'll see.

it's my game now, bitch.

-follow me-