Quick

Haay, Torian, me is tired...

Just went home from Lipa.

My enemy#1 is so gutty, he had the laskas ng loob to show up during my happy weekend. That stupid parasite, I wish he realizes that he's 25 and he should have grown the emotional nerves by now.

I hope Little Miss One-and-Only makes her first move tomorrow. She can court me... Hehe, bad me - gotta be scolded for kiddin all the time.

Heat is coming, Torian, I hope I can make it to the Getaways... In the meantime, I'm going to read Goethe's Faust... or maybe tomorrow...

Check ya later. Got to learn Italian.

-hurrying-

Thirst

Hiya Torian!

Wherever I am right now *Wherever you are - South Border*, is really so comfy and the computers are very very fast and reliable and the airconditioning system is so going, and there are not much people, not much gawk-ers, privacy is obvious, etc...

I have been so busy lately because of Ecosoc, but nevertheless, I'm gaining friends in the process, so it's worth it.

Tomorrow is EDSA day!! So, all classes in all levels are suspended yet again. This means I'm going to have a nice weekend at my relatively colder hometown - Lipa. There were a lot of planning for outings going on. I'd better keep my receptors up so that I won't be left out. Beach, I'm coming!

Gotta prepare for summer! Gotta get the tan... Me was planning to buy a lot of summer outfits because there are a lot of pending getaways. Hope they all come true...

We had and activity in Ecosoc a while ago called TBS (I don't know what it stands for). It was really funny and wild, although there were just a few of us. Rocky and Adi were two toy soldiers, Ayen was jumpy, Brylle was game, Reyda and the other higher-batchers are kind enough, and me was - not so anti-social. Go me!

I want to shift to another course. I think I'll excel in Psychology; I really want to become a doctor someday. Econ is hard.

I'm thirsty... Gotta drink something.

Still thirsty for the love of *tuuuuuut*. That girl is so slow!

Bya Torian!!

-thirsty-

Befriended

Yo Torian, Zup??

Me was so happy today because me gained a lot of friends again...

Classes in UP were cancelled because [they] prepared a recognition rite in the afternoon for the excellent students of each college. So all classes starting from 1 onwards are cancelled, leaving me with only 1 class to handle, and that is the very mind-wreaking Math100... Mind-wreaking.

Sarsi and Ayen and Tin are definitely barkada, thank God. We ate lunch together at Rodics and then we dined in mid-afternoon at Seattle's (we should have been in Starbs but its so full). But before we drowned ourselves in coffee, Tin and I ordered some Ice Monster devil's food first, and it was really really good especially for this type of climate - hot and humid. Anyways, in Seattle's, we formerly founded an organized group called UPI, which stands for University of the Philippines Inclusive. It's an open org for the oppressed - teens who are frequently faced by oppressive forces like coñoticism and angas-ness almost daily...

I almost cracked up into two because Tin was being engaged to the male Lasallista barista at Seattle's. He's already got a kid at nineteen and we were telling Tin like: "You're not planning to be a cradle-nabber, are you?" She just so read afterwards, and she said it's just so hot in the place... Funny.

I just went home before surfing, and I spent like a couple of minutes there, and in that very small span of time, CR did not fail to irritate me. He asked me if I was free tomorrow in the afternoon, and asked me if I could watch them do their jamming session (as if I'm so interested). I refused because I'm busy tomorrow pm, and asked him if they could reschedule their jamsess. He said sharply: "Eh, wala na, yun na lang free time namin," as if it's my privilege to watch them jam when I'm not really interested. Yesterday also, I was suggesting if they could integrate CR's girlfriend in the band as female lead vocalist, and he was like: "Sus, baka ikaw lang ang may gusto sumali sa band..." Hello?? He's so into assuming things. As if I'm a big fan of theirs. That flab, eat his ass.

I hope CR realizes that he is so full of himself lately.

Well, this guy's not to be oppressed.

Anyways, it for now Torian, check on you later!

-cheerful-

Shopped

Hi there! It's Saturday!

And nothing much to do.

Hey, the first thing I did this morning was funny, tiresome, and gross at the same time. Really funny. Here:

CR went home to Batangas, so I'm left alone, bored, and workless. The clock was pointing to 9 already, yet I'm still not getting up - just daydreaming, thinking of some escapade. It was in the end of this 30-minutes-long that I decided to do some minimal shopping at a very far away area were goods are sold almost for free because of their cheapness. And that, of course, my dear fellow, is Divisoria! Divi for coños, Soria for jeepney barkers. Anyways, I argued with myself if I should visit Divi (I'm no coño, I just like it short) early this morning and get home by lunch, or visit Divi late and get some late night getaway. My very logical reasoning edged with the former, so without further ado, I headed towards the comfort room, not to take a bath, just wash my face, brush, and do other minute reveille necessities. I decided not to bathe myself because Manila, as it was very well known for, is a city that breathes pollution! So if I'd get some good morning bath, I'll just soil myself early in the morning. My eyes were still groggy and my skin was a bit damp of bed sweat, but I didn't mind them. Anyways, after my mini-morning-routine, I went to my WALKING closet (in my dreams; CR can fit in it though, HAHA!) and delved into what seems to be a compendium of limited collection of designer clothes! ... ... ... well... ... ... ok, not really designer clothes. So I delved into what seems to be a pile of de-signatured clothes, and grabbed some comfy shorts and sporty top. But then I thought of what Divi was also known for - thieves and quickhands. So instead of wearing my usual comfy outfit, I made fun of myself by putting on a very large loosely-fitted elephant pants, a baggy yellow top, a black fisherman's cap, and a maroon backpack. In the end, I looked not far from an overdressed Sponge Bob...

So I dashed out of house, but before I really headed Divi, I made a stopover at a restuarant and filled my belly with food. After convincing myself that I've eaten half of my weight (...), I boarded the LRT, alighted at Recto, boarded a Divi-routed jeep, and got lost in a heat-struck crowd. I bought only 1 white shirt, 1 pirated rivermaya cd (uh-oh), and 1 sando for daily use...

By the time I went home, it was already 1, and my tummy was raging like hell.

But me was happy because I saved myself from LONER-NESS again! Go me!

I spent the rest of the afternoon organizing our room. Since CR was away, I had the chance to put some peace at our very cluttery abode. After that, I finally took a well-deserved bath.

That would be it for today Torian. I wonder what my mind will force me to do tomorrow...

Still loveless and a bit tired, but happy nevertheless...

-tired-

Hidden

Yo Torian! Zup??

I'm trying to satisfy my hunger by drinking this creme-brulee-flavored pearl shake. I said earlier that I should be gaining some weight, but it seems like I'm developing an obsession with these shakeys. Just wondering how they called the usual sago as "Pearls" and the common nata as "Crystals". I actually paid for some extra "Pearls". I wonder how they would call pinipig in the shake - diamonds?? Hard idea.

Torian, me was unlucky again in my search for One-and-Only. She's not showing up. Waiting...

Hey, yesterday was Cousin-roommates' birthday, and he was very happy and very jumpy and very all smiles. He said he was so happy because he received five greetings cards: one was from his far friends, one from his blockmates from that coño-infested University Along Katipunan, otherwise called Ateneo, one was from his close friends - which would include me, one was from his family, and the last was from his cheesy girlfriend. He said he was really really happy, and he kept on portraying that, that it came to a point during the night that I envied him. He had this very huge circle of friends which would comprise of smaller circles of friends, which I unfortunately did not have. Even though Cousin-roommate is very alone in life (his mummy and duddy are no longer around, and he had no brother nor sister), I still feel like he's very blessed because he had his extended family to support and assist him. He even had a tito from the states who broke the code of night just to greet him happy birthtime. Me on the other hand is not blessed much with the synergy. I have my mum around, and my freaky brothers, but they don't feel like family to me. They feels so distant, so - strangers. CR is really blessed.

I wish my birthday would be as happy as CR's.

But when the time comes, that would be gasgas na. Besides, I don't want to be compared to CR anymore. It has been an allergy that crawled over me all my life, and I've had enough. I want to people to accept me for who I am, and I'm not sweating a bit to be like anyone better than me. Just be me - that's my policy, because if I didn't love myself, no one will ever do. No one. Huff, just wish birthday is as happy as CR's.

Of course, that would never happen.

Nufnuf. I'm not getting teary-eyed in front of everybody.

Skin was tanned! Yipee! Very hot.

Hey, I'm feeling heavy-hearted, can't lift the emotional stretch. I'm fearing that my eyes are betraying me; they're gonna cry! No!

Not here, not now, not ever. I never let anyone see me cry since The Incident. I will not cry ever, not during the high school retreat, not during my last recollection, not during very emotional times, not now, not ever.

Got to let this pass Torian. Check on you later.

-Darn-

Org-y

Yaloo!!

Me again, Torian, just came home from National Bookstore. I'm feeling like I'm a culprit because I snatched one of the books for sale, brought it to the second floor where no one can see me, and read it for my utmost pleasure. Culprit am I? Well, the one who tore the plastic covering of the book is more culprit than me, so... Go him!!

Nufnuf...

That Eng12 exam was one damn dummy! Anyone can actually pass it because there isn't one bit, NOT ONE BIT, of objective question from the Comedy!! I studied for a day last Wednesday just for that freakin exam; I even forgot to eat lunch for the matter, AND NOT EATING LUNCH IS LIKE SUICIDE!! Whenever I miss meal, there's an observable loss of size in my body, so I end up being Creepy Thin Man. A close friend of mine actually saw the difference immediately and I'm like, "ok, sige, magpapataba ulit ako" while grimacing. Grrr, I hate weight loss. That freaking professor, profess his ass.

Hearts 101: Still luckless. I'm gaining friends though. We played the Killer Game while we were wallowing at the Tambayan, and it is a really cool game. You know, you get to wink at your "playmates" sortta school of games. The game's basically a drawing of lots. There's a killer, a judge, a doctor, a victim, and if the number of players permit, a porn star. The killer discreetly winks at everyone, to kill. The doctor's role on the other hand is to revive those who're killed. This winking stuff should be discreet, else one might get caught.

That's the game. Well, what if my crush was in that circle, would she wink at me intentionally?? I mean for the game? She could kill me, wink at me, and I'd surely die! *am dead, killed by my crushy*

Hey, I got to spend such a time at the Tambayan, I'm in the mood to pick on them one by one. HAHA!

I'm finding Lav really interesting. Lav is my co-applicant, very funny, yet very sincere, and very Tan. I could bare my lungs out to her. She's so, um, so, errr, laughable (Such a word exists??) Pia is good friend. *Another co-app. Like her around.* Tommy is wierd, dull, and uninteresting. The older applicant's are boring too. Cecille Lau is hot. Last time she wore a very feminine garb, my heart fell - not in love - well, probably in admiration. Admiration?? Doesn't admiration equal crush? Hmmm... Me is kinda suspicious. Adi is into Jaymie, haha, I noticed him getting wordy about going out. Hihi. Bad me. -eavesdropping- Tin and Sarsi are very great friends, they feel like barkada. I wish they will be. Lex and Ces G. are so lost in their marketing. Really lost, poor them. Wish they didn't notice. JoyJoyLu is very into detail. We arranged the Acad corner this morning, and she's like: "Di ba hindi pantay," or, "Sira na oh, i-overlap na lang natin yung isa." Busy girl, good luck. Frances is nowhere to be seen. Brylle is becoming so active, he'll surely be in the Executive Committee at least twice before we graduate. Hey, this guy owes me fifty. Put that in my credit list. Har har. "Alex and Anne" is a tandem. They're always together, and looks like each other. Wish they'd loosen up. Rocky is into Ayen. Wish them luck, and friendship, and success, and optimum love, and feeling weird, and falling out, and betrayal, and hatred, AND ANGUISH, AND ETC. Whatda?? Tsk Tsk Tsk, very unbecoming of me... Glai is cute. Kuya Marvin and Kuya Lags are the only boys in the ExeCom. ??so?? Ate Ly is also hot but taken. Ate AM goes home at 9 in the morning. Good girl, very good girl. Lora is hottest among all. I like her low rise fashion, very interesting, especially the patch of skin that runs down her abdomen, and the skin further down, and further, and further. Delta!! -shit, haha, naughty me- I thought Atoy was striaght, and thought that he is Lora's boyfriend. Damn, he's gay pala. Sus. Japhet is a macho gay. Ate JoAnn is all smiles, and so is Ate CathyCor. CathyCon looks like a kitten, very cute. Ate Joey is a serious, deep-voiced lady, and Ate KE is the opposite.

et cetera, et cetera.

Oh, I forgot. Denise.
She's... um. Charming. Hmmm, sniff, sniff. Myself smells like pheromones. Getting suspicious again.

nufnuf.

I've gotta watch my tongue else I'd get me into "deffering" trouble.

Well, overall, the day was boring. Except for that Steph who suddenly appeared out of nowhere this morning. She was definitely something. Hair was curly and long, color matches skin, eyes are brown, skinny model-like stature, tanned, and soft-spoken. Yummy! Hope to see her around.

Well, it for now Torian. It enough? Gotta go eat some food and gain some weight. Ü

-hungry-

Luckless

Gud pm Torian, hope you're doing fine.

I just came home from school right now. This week is Tambay week in Ecosoc, so there are a lot of people in the Tambayan, and I was forced to leave earlier than usual. Here, in the cyber caf, is also congested as hell, so I'm making this real quick.

Still unsuccessful in my quest for Ms. One-and-Only. May tomorrow be a luckier day.

I think I flunked my exam in PanPil19 this morning. The objectives were chicken feet, but the essays are stompers. Anyways, that's life in UP. Exam are made to depress you out...

I'm having my Eng12 exam on Thursday, and I haven't read a page of Purgatorio or Paradiso, I'm not even finished with Inferno. Well, if I'm not gonna study today, I'd be flunking two long exams in a week - for the record.

Ay't. Got to study...

-studying-

Lifeless

Hi Torian. Still Valentine's day in another, more comfy cyber caf.

And still loveless. Like hello, only hours had passed since last post, what's wrong with me?? *pointing a gun to head then... TUGUSH* -bleeding-

Still hoping that tomorrow, I'll fish out my one and only. Torian, if only you were true. I'll fish you out; I love silent but funny girls anyways -tututut shizophrenic tututut-


-schizophrenic-

Loveless

Happy Valentine's Day Torian...

Wow, everyone seems so ecstatic today. Everyone seems to be throbbing with love hormones, and all I see are big bouncy hearts. 214 here in QC is such a big deal, well... Back in Lipa City where I grew up, we could actually leave Valentine's day to the lovers only (those people who're always at the phone talking to Little Miss I'm-in-love; those people who'd rather be with their partners instead of eating; in short, those people who're out of this world [well, back then]). It is somehow a very special day.

And I think I'm being left out. Loveless... Yes.

I just came back from UPSE where the Ecosoc held what seems to be a very informal symposium about dating and other love matters. T'was quite interesting, enlightening at the most. But by the end of it, I felt heavy, realizing that being loveless is also being not the person that God made me to be. God made people to love and be loved. He created the people with eyes to get attracted, hands to touch, lips to kiss, tongues to french kiss, sex to gain pleasure, and hearts to offer. I have those, but I'm not using them efficiently. Would God get angry at me??

Which leads me to my next dilemma: Manliligaw na ba ako?

...
...
...
..
.


Scary...

...
...
...
..
.

Bakit nga ba hindi pa ko nanliligaw? I definitely have the heart to love, and maybe the guts to engage in it. I don't think I'm repulsive or whatever to that effect, I mean, why do I always get stared at in the first place? In the jeep, in the classroom, while walking through the corridors of CAL, while eating alone at Katag, whenever I'm reading my eyes out at the library, I always get stared at, so I presume that I'm not really that repulsive (is the staring such a matter or is it just me?). Huff... I dunno. I've got to examine myself first. I would really regret it if I'd court someone without even being sure if I'm ready to love.

Maybe I'm just really torpe. Oh well. Get off that topic.

Anyways, can't we just leave the courting to the girls? I'm really the kind of guy who'd prefer a system where everything just goes by, me = passive, and I don't have to sweat things just to get it. It's kinda feminine, but I'm not really excited by the courtship ritual. I don't have to compromise my masculinity in this matter, because love, as we defined it in PanPil19 (Sekswalidad, Kasarian, at Panitikan), is something that's free-flowing, something that doesn't determine your gender or sexuality before it devours you. So basically, I just wanted to be in a relationship now, with that girl who'd care for me, who'd accept me for what and who I am, and that someone who's my equal. I remember the speaker in the symposium saying, "We'd love someone who's our equal, who's not more or less physically attractive than us, who's not above or below us in matters such as intellect or emotion - yung tao na kapareha natin [partner in English]". That's some stomper... I'm putting that in my motto directory.

Haay, Torian, life is so cruel for some of us. Love, such a big thing, that it tortures us. I wish tomorrow will be a lovely day. But then, Valentine's will be no more.

And all this ecstasy is gone.

...

But...

Everyday is Valentine's for lovers.

...
...
...

huff...

-hoping-

Bored

Tomorow will be the day of doom.

I haven't finished studying my PanPil19 yet; everytime I set my eyes on the crumpled readings, I feel sleepy. Anyways, there's still a lot of time ahead, I'm studying later.

My cousin-roommate was out all day so I have to at least get out by myself and save myself from the claws of LONER-NESS...

Random thoughts:
-Weekends in Katipunan is really really boring especially if you're my type who has a very loose schedule in a very freaky University.
-Being friendless is synonymous to being a loner.
-You'll always find a Chinese-looking someone in the National Bookstore Katipunan branch.
-I like to be engaged in sports - probably swimming.
-My vision is not getting any better - probably due to obsessive reading.
-My teeth are finally done. My braces can already go whenever I wanted to.
-Retainers are plagues.
-I miss my high school classmates.
-I want to have green eyes.
-I miss my high school classmates. Huff...

See ya later.

-bored-

Bronzed

Am back Torian!

Guess what, today was a really really sunny day, perfect day for some glaze of tan.

All the BPI ATMachines bugged out since thursday, so I'm left with nothing but 16 pesos, all coins, to conquer the day. If it were not for my cousin-roommate (who's not so edgy anymore), I would have starved to bedriding since yesterday. I would've panicked, but my relatives were always to the support.. (not really). It's just to difficult to be so technology-ignorant when you're living in the midst of a computer-adept race called the Katipuneros (this would include the Atenistas, the Miriamites, the Kostkans, the chefs from CCA, the computer-literate UPeans, etc...). By the way, I walked like miles a while ago, in search of anything with an expressnet in it. I finally found my goal in a far off place called "UP Shopping Center," before I finally exhausted the 16 pesos that kept on clinking in my pocket. By that time, my tan was not only obvious, it was actually not tan anymore. It's, well, mahogany. My skin's freaky.

Another exam's coming, PanPil19 this time. Geez, the exams in UP are so on top of each other, I'll never get my mind free except during the summer. Anyways, it's very hard to study for PanPil19 especially if you get disturbed by articles entitled "The Intersexed and Transgendered" or "Ang Mahal na Pasyon ni Remington na Nagbibinata" and you have to study for it. The subject's title is Sekswalidad, Kasarian, at Panitikan, so basically, the test that's coming would be a test of how much I know about my sexuality, gender, and literature. It's kinda unique, thrilling at the most, but overall - boring...

Someone's got to teach me about the HTML thing. I want to get you dressed Torian, get you fashioned so that you'll be not much of an eyesore like me. Well, maybe later...

I shall check on you again.

My tummy's hungry... sniff... sniff, I want a pearl shake!

-hungry-

Sullen

Hi Torian, I'm lonely.

Today is not much different from yesterday and the other boring days, just a little bit nastier and depressing. We had our MuL13 exam, and it seems that my effort didn't pay off. I studied really hard, burning my eyebrows out and eventually not concentrating on my other subjects, yet still, the exam was a remorse. The items were just so out of this world, I didn't recall them being tackled in class. Huff... And oh, the results for our EnviSci midterms were already out, and unfortunately, there's nothing to be proud of. I nearly flunked the exam; well, considering it's the only recorded grade we have, I'm not doubting a throbbing 3 in my class card... Huffff. I'm really depressed.

Darn, this is too much for me. Everything seems to be a competition, and I turn out to be the loser all the time. I miss my friends, my true friends, Torian. They're the only people who'd never make a loser out of me. LIAN! DET! ANA! CHEAP! AIZEL! Where are you guys??

Jesus, I'm still all alone in UP. I'm really envious of my highschool buddies. We had a reunion last Feb.5 because it was the debut of two of our darlins (AIZEL and Kring [happyboitday]), so we had to attend and by doing so, we also had time to see each other again. Finally, after a whole solid 10 months of being grim and sullen, I laughed my lungs out again, thanks to my all-time buddies Darryl and Det. They're really the nearest way to heaven you can get here on earth (or here on my earth...).

I'm trying to be humble again, Torian. I'm rebuilding that barricade again, just in case the tough gets so going. At least I'm not gonna lose myself again to Anger and Hatred, which always never failed to make me ghastly thin and pale and ghostly and wicked and deep-eye-socketed, like what I look now (so depressed).

Torian, if only you were real...

I'll see ya in the near hologram-future.

-Depression Incarnate-

Efficiency

Hiya!!

I have not been so productive today... I'll have my second long exam in MuL13 (you know IT??) tomorrow, and I hadn't studied a bit. I haven't accomplished any assignments, including my cousin's girlfriend's - a card full of happy birthday greetings for my one and only roommate... He'll be eighteen next week, and I'm left with only seven days to finish what I have to do - fill the birthday card with friendly greetings of nonsense.

Anyways, I'm trying to be cheerful nowadays. My cousin's birthday is coming, and I can't imagine having a grudge against him during his very special day.

My skin is so not tanned. I tan easily, but I also lose it in as much time as I gained it. Ugh, skin matter is so complicated. I've got this friend from highschool who's really frustrated in having a skin tone different from his original. He says he wants to be white when he originally sports some mahogany. I mean, well, skin alteration is really scary; why try change what God has given you? I can't find the exact reason why Filipinos have an eye for very pale skins. I'd prefer the darker, HEALTHIER complexion than the ghastly pale that everyone is sporting today.

What are coños doing at the AS Steps??

I'm running out of garbs. My closet is not offering me any new idea of mixing and matching clothes. Everytime I open my closet, nothing changes; they're still the same old clothes I wear since - a long long time ago. We've been travelling through Divisoria lately, shopping for new clothes, but by the end of the day, we end up buying only those which are not only cheap, but also relatively easy fits. See, I have to have a collection of clothes. Why?

I'm planning to join an organization in UP. The organization's name is Ecosoc (Economics Society), and it's home is in the School of Economics, a very prestigious college in and out of the university. By prestigious, I mean, well, elitist. Everyone in this college seems so out of reach, so socially superior, and so - Coño. One time, I was hanging out at the tambayan, I heard this girl remarking at the outfit of my co-applicant. She said: "Tingnan mo, hindi ba she wore that nung last time na??" with a matching grimace and pointed fingers to the breast. Does this mean we cannot wear clothes more than once?? Hmpphh... Those coños...

My allowance is easily depleting! Nooh!

My Anthro10 class today was spent for a symposium about Forensic Science in the Philippines. At first it was pretty interesting: how the forensic experts deal with death cases is so energy-brain-boosted like CSI... But as the speaker trudged down along her speech, the mood steeply changed from interesting to depressing. She emphasized the lack of Forensic knowledge here in the Philippines, the incompetence of our doctors, and the overboarding strategies of the media who most of the time hinders the progression of crime scenes. It was pretty amazing that she had the guts to reveal how the authorities of the Philippines succumb to obsolete techniques in criminology. She mentions about the Parafin Test, an examination concerned with gunpowder, with a goal similar to the lie-detector test. She says it had been abolished since the 60's and is no longer talked about today in other countries, but it is still being revived today by the police department. In a hopeless attempt to uplift criminal professionalism in the country, the authority pathetically "returns to its roots" and practice tradition all over again. Even the presidents endorse such backward "growth". Before she ends her speech, Dr. Fortun (from UPM) flashes photos of how the media intervene with crime scenes, how the police stupidly posed for photographers in a hope to appear on newspaper, and how the heads of the state try to be full of themselves by going straight into the crime scene and playing the I-belong-here role. For a finale, Dr. Fortun flashed a photo of GMA wearing a mask, peering over Al Ghozi's dead body, trying to exude an I-am-concerned-in-a-way mood.

Pretty depressing. But that's a thing I'll leave to the bigger men, I mean, to the efficient bigger men.

Torian, I wanted to be an efficient bigger man someday. Dream, dream, dream... ZZZzzzzz...

Shi ya latr.

-cramming yet again-

Self-Centered for the First Time

Hi Torian!! Tis been a while!

I was supposed to post last Sunday, but unfortunately I didn't have the time. I went home to Batangas, and guess what, I've returned home after a year of being away. I had a conflict with my brother, make that a very big conflict, and I was forced to, well, "go away." He's so childish you know; he's eight years older than me, but he still can't make out the difference. So, I ran away, and after that, a long story. Now I went back because his mother-in-law asked him and his family to live with her in Malvar, a town next to Lipa City. So basically, they moved out of the house, and I don't have to stay away from it anymore. (Anyways, did you know that for the past year, I had to stay in at least 3 different houses just to hide from my brother's wrath?? Huhu, poor mo. I'm an NPA for a year...)

Hey, I have this classmate in MuL13 (Music) who's really annoying me. IT is always gawking at me, as if it was the first time IT saw a very beautiful face like mine... hihihi... IT's eyes are just all over me. I am sure I'm in no wardrobe malfunction, and I haven't since grade 5. I believe my pimples are discreetly small, so there's no catch in staring at them. I have no gargantuan tattoos to marvel at, nor do I have flashy jewelries to capture IT's eyes. So why is IT gawking at me?? Damn, I'll gawk at IT in return!!

Then I have this classmate in Envisci1 who's trying really hard to impress my Cebuano professor until he ends up being at a realm of his own.

In my Math100 class, I've got this Chinese-looking classmate who's got some terribly beautiful hair - straight and shiny with some highlights of brown. Well, that's the genes, but who cares, I'd prefer my flowing reddish curls than his wiry nest...

My Anthro10 classmates who graduated from PhiSci are so full of themselves (well, not all of them, but most of them). Why can't they just act like humans and stop being too madrigal??

Hey, I've noticed my roommate (who is also my cousin) is becoming too edgy on me. He doesn't want to hear me sing, he calls me "Psst" instead of my name, he's easily irritated by my funny jokes (and mild, very mild provocations - yeah, I'm the kulit typa guy), and he keeps on correcting me. He keeps on boasting about his PE101 in Ateneo; he says it's so educational, and he keeps on telling me things about nutrition and anatomy, although I wasn't really asking about it. And I've got a story to go with this...

We work-out in the same gym. He started to gym a year ago, but stopped, so now, his muscles are a bit flabby (I never told him, I might hurt his very sensitive feelings). When we started to gym together, he was so optimistic, he wanted to eliminate his side fats. Me, on the other hand, had no fats to extinguish, no excess cholesterol to burn, and no dream of becoming Mr. Ironman, unlike my cuz. Basically, I had the genes, but I am a bit thin. So, he makes full advantage of me being thin, and looking too wiry... I sensed that. I can't retort back because he had been exposed to a gym earlier than me, but in my opinion, he's more of an eyesore than me. Haha, go me! I'm an inch taller than him, slender, and upright. He on the other hand is hunchy, flabby, and always frustrated. But I never boasted at him; I told you, he's edgy lately.

He never wanted to see me ahead of him, in almost every field, except in writing - he's just a whit compared to my writing prowess HAHA!!. He's really having a hard time to trim. So he's doing everything to discourage me from working out. That freakin' flab! -tututut incoherent tututut-

Anyways, I don't dwell on his irritating malice, I'd rather keep my head cool than get into trouble.

Weren't I introducing myself last time??

Music and Food were two of my very important facets, next up - books!!

I love reading books. When I was a child, my playground was the library (not a really interesting childhood). I don't remember how I learned to read; I just believe I was born with it. I can't recall being taught the alphabet, or being taught how each letter sounds. I believe I read books first before I knew that they were called books.I've read almost everything: Fairy tales, scifi, fiction, novels, anecdotes, poetry, prose, freeverse, essays, horror, suspence, romance, romance, romance... Tanda ko pa yung una kong nabasa na book, yung Ugly Duckling, sobrang tuwang tuwa ako dun sa cygnet... Nagtransform... hehe. Books are very powerful; they can create worlds where I can hide from the harsh cruelties of reality. Actually, there's a part of me which is succumbing to Schizophrenia already (pretty scary... Torian??) Currently, my favorite author's Sandra Brown. You've gotta read her Tempest in Eden; it's a bit cheesy, but worthwhile anyways. I also like JK Rowling and her Harry Potter Series; somehow it brings out the child in me.

Nufnuf...

Hey, I think I'm fallin' into something... You know, the thing. I have no exact girl in mind, but I am sure there is someone in my head (I mean heart). I'm feeling kinda weird lately. Yesterday, I wanted to kiss every girl that comes my way. My hard-ons are frequenting, and I always find myself staring at girls. Darn, whoever she is, she'd better salvage me from this testosterone-hyped ecstasy...

That would be it. I'll catch ya later Torian!!

-cramming-

I Am

Wow! Tis my first time here in Blogger! I hope I'll make the most out of this, as long as my time in UP permits.. Darn, it's so busy in this university...

OK, maybe I'll start by introducing myself (because I myself do not know who I really am). Based on the 17 years that had passed (02/03/05) I think, I'm the kind of person who avoids too many people, and prefers to be alone most of the time. Or maybe otherwise. When I was in highschool I'm a total friend compendium. I have a lot of friend circles so basically I'm in a company all of the time. But when I entered college, I haven't even made a sane relationship with my co-eds. It's like I'm fleeing away when they try to make friends. I sensed that, but I can't really get close to them. I dunno what's happening with me, but I sure am in a state of trauma right now.

Last year, during my 17th birthday, I had this fight with my brother, who was so unreasonable in the first place. See it was my birthday and I was supposed to be having a really good time when he barges in with his rageful attitude and finally puts up a fight with me after a very very long silent dispute... It had also been so long in my part, and that "birthday event" really boiled my blood, so I decided to run away the next day... It's a very long story, so maybe I'm not ellaborating now, maybe later. In the end, I asked my mom to board me in an apartment, and when she did, I spent the rest of my late highschool in that small flat. Now, that I'm a collegian already, I'm staying in QC, and I think I'm free. But I think there's still something inside of me that keeps me from venturing out from my own world. My body developed certain responses towards outside stimuli, and those hinder me from making friends... My hands would perspire too much whenever someone holds my hands. Actually I would sweat to max whenever someone's near, someone who's just an acquaintance and not really a close friend. I also am becoming so anxious of getting out because I've got a long list of anonymous numbers who's texting me in a stalker manner, and I'm freakin' scared of what they're doing. I believe they're girls, who're desperately in need of a prick. Anyways, nufnuf. So there's really a reason behind my seclusion.

Where was I?

I like food. Basically, the best way through me is food, and a lot of them would ensure our friendship. Hehe. I like chocolates. I also like devil's cake, the very fudgy ones. My favorite delicacy of Batangas (where I hailed from) is Pakaskas, a sweet sugar-based fingerfood, which would always make me full of desire and gluttonous for some time. So basically, I've a sweet tooth...

I like music. It's a very essential part of me. I think life without music is like drinking coffee without sugar (I repeat, I have a sweet tooth). I like the music by Evanescence, they're Gothic (though I'm not) and they're exuding they're kind of lifestyle in a very cool manner. I like their "Hello", "My Immortal Band Version", and "Everybody's Fool". I like Tonic, especially their song "You Wanted More." Dashboard Confessials are also so way cool, they have these fine lyrics and very fine histrionics to go with it. I also enjoy listening to Alicia Keys' songs, and Eminem's; they have very sensible lyrics. Christina A's songs are empowering too, although I assume her audience are supposed to be females, and I'm not, but I like her songs nonetheless. Rivermaya's songs are also so soothing, and so are the new songs by Freestyle. Maybe I'm listing this in a more organized way next time... Later.

SO... Food and Music... the rest, next time... Gotta check other things first.

What should I call my account? I think it needs some personifying... Uh, whatabout... Torian?? Yes. Pretty weird, but who the hell cares. That's a cool name.

TORIAN, meet everyone else. Everyone else, meet TORIAN, my imaginary blogspot.

I'll see ya Torian later!

-cramming-