Ranting Off

warning: in-abandon ranting lies ahead. dont read if you dont feel like being irritated by my negativity. i have no intention of making this entry an entertaining one. so go ahead, click the exit button. and leave me alone.

this day is such a pain in the ass because of cwts.

actually today is one of those days when you find fault on everything, even the ones that would normally pass by you without iliciting any damage.

cw10 would have been my favorite class now if not for self-righteous classmates who thinks they have the best standards to dump a neophyte's article. i have this classmate who chooses to assume a lot of things for a vaguely constructed story, and argues his point to be necessary. hello? you don't get a story once it fails to pin point a conflict! and a story which is written like some descriptive essay without adrenaline pump and as i said, void of conflict, doesn't tell the readers to go figure. and i wont figure, when more than half of the story was unwritten, and was supposed to be imagined than read.

there can only be one interpretation for a story. i think prof said that.

and the story should have conflict for it to be a story. otherwise it's nothing but a waste of words.

then i have this other classmate (gladys) who, as time passes by, becomes a chatterbox of senseless, redundant, and misleading ideas by connecting stories to songs, or other stupid correlations to the other arts.

naiinis lang ako, when she said that the story under criticque didn't work out for her because the writer wrote in a style that's "unusual and different." well let me tell you, the descriptive ways the writer used to characterize the point-of-view-character is called imagery, and imagery had been there since time immemorial, even before the numerous authors you mentioned in class. so again i send to the cosmos a bright idea of mine: "make sense on whatever you're saying, review your rubrix, and shut the fuck up."

erg.

french was the only salvation i got today. it never failed to amaze me... the french language.

then dreaded cwts. i so abhorred comunity aid. especially the people around me. slave-driving authority, peers whose mouths never failed to mention love and the cliche stories that accompany it, and street children with no manners and values - though it's not their fault actually, not having manners at all. their parents should be blamed for the ignorance of their children, for the poverty that stunted them, for the rude ways of their brood.

i hate my co-volunteers. maelyn is a whiny general-info-ignoramus who fickle-mindedly thinks im masungit all the time. i dunno if she does it on purpose - not knowing simple things, but i dont care and im pissed off having to be in the company of such a whiner. "eh hindi ko alam yun eh," "eh i dont know it kase," "sorry po," "sorry po," sorry..."

fuckar.

and she always thinks im mad or something when actually, im feeling indifferent. she's used to assume things for me, that what she said today really got her into my nerves.

"alam mo kimoy, magpaalam ka na at umalis ka na kung mainit ang ulo mo..."

whatda? who gave you the permission to drive me away? and have you misunderstood what i said? "im just hungry..." is there anything highfalutin in my words that you missed my meaning, or are you just a dimwit not know the difference between hungry and mad?

please. dont play coy. your faux-naivette is not adorable.

then there's this maniacal co-vol who never fails to have a grab a part of my skin and feel the sinews of the man that was not there. tin, after you left, i spent the rest of cwts beside maniac-bang-bang, trying to ward off the tiny possibilites to small talk about love. eh puta, im not a counselor for petty pathetic things! dont she realize that her hints on the thing that beset her is beginning to piss me off?

i dont think it's fun anymore. as time passes by, beng is beginning to act like this girl i knew from freshman year. the tauntings, the being touchy, the small talks... i will not be surprised if i would hate beng as much as i hated a hormonal deranged opportunist named kate morcilla.

i hate tuesdays. i abhor cleaning because first, im not good at it, and second, i dont like organizing the things my co-volunteers spent no time messing up. good thing pie was there, if she wasn't, i would have left learning links in total disarray.

which reminds me another thing why i hate tuesdays... ATE JULIE.

such a slave-driver.

and she actually has the guts to tell some other person that i should be given hard tasks because i always did everything in a rush. well fyi, little miss know-all, it is not my purpose to rush whatever im doing. it just so happens that i finish your assignments in so little time because i dont waste time talking about nonsense talks of love. i dont engange much in conversation with people because i put the work first before anything else. and now you're thinking im rushing my work... that's one lame misunderstanding a teacher will ever have. and dont you just realize how prolific i am? i am able to work on three different curricula in a single meeting because my drive is to finish my work first before i talk to the shallow-minded people surrounding me...

except for tin of course. every cwts, i am cheered by the fact that at least one person inside the room knows the workings of my mind. i cant imagine cwts without tin around.

i'll mark my next tuesday as "doom's day, the day when i will battle the odds with a maniac, a whiner, a slave-driver, and a whole bunch of loud senseless self-righteous posers."

i apologize to these people i have erred. there are just some instances when you have to know your limits and your faults... and be reminded that in a world dominated by the plethora of views not bound in one single philosophy, you cannot please everyone.

to whoever who still read this despite my warning above, im sorry if i offended you, im sorry if i sounded too annoying for ranting like this. im just pissed off, and at the moment, i dont care if you think im such a menopausal complainer. dont even try to think so...

dont get me started.

-ranting-

Four Hours

we had 4 hours of free time today. wasted nuff time to walk around UP. we even went to vargas! unfortunately it was closed every mondays, so better luck next time. we're planning to go this wednesday. i wonder what's inside.

one of those modern art creations just outside vargas. i dont really get the form and meaning of modern art, but they're beautiful nonetheless.

sarsibethy playing coy outside vargas.

tin hottie posing hestia style... haha! joke.

i cut econ106 because spending 2:30-4:00 of my afternoon with prof danao would prove to be such a waste of time. everything he discusses in class are directly quoted from the book so... byebye sir danao. see u on thursday.

besides, ayen wasn't in class because she and vida went to the airport to fetch this bangladeshi trainee for their organization. will meet bangladeshi person and get to know of bangladeshis smell like indians or arabs.

Are you a Brat?

Kimoy, you're a Mischievous Brat

Just because you haven't gotten caught, doesn't mean you're not a big brat. Sure, you love to do things like pull the fire alarm or the wool over people's eyes. But what makes you unique, and sure, a little fun, is the way you always manage to skip out on getting blamed.

Smart and sneaky, you know how to fly under the radar. And, on the rare occasion where you do get caught, you know just how to sweet-talk your way out of it. We know it sounds like you're the coolest cat around, but you know what they say — what goes around comes around. Watch out!

now im beginning to be convinced that i still havent grown up. will wait for my testosterone upsurge. besides, feeling young is not feeling... uh, yin...

di ba? yin and young.

baahaaa...

-sleepy-

Battling Gastroenteritis

im killing myself! how fun...

you wanna know how? by eating clover chips and drinking sparkling water.

when i was in fourth year high school, i was diagnosed with acute gastroenteritis. it's a condition when the mucous lining of your gastro tract gets stripped off due to excessive extretion of gastric acids, which in turn bore holes on your stomach and intestines... pretty gross, but that's how it is.

when i have attacks of gastro, i become hyperacidic, to the point that some of the gastric juices reach my throat and burn my voice box. i would go voiceless for days. most of the time, the repercussions of eating dangerous food that triggers my gastro include an aching tummy, excessive cold sweat, and blurred vision. and i may even lose the sense of touch. it's hard having gastro.

people who have gastro like me are forbidden to eat or drink the following:
1. junk food - i felt sickly bad having to give up junks. at first i had withdrawals, but i coped up eventually. now i dont eat piattos, nova, lays, etc., everything that's in foil or whatever. though im eating clover chips at the moment, for the first time in 2 years. wow. just trying it out. will see if i'd get that nasty feeling of being numb due to pain.
2. carbonated drinks - the biggest no-nos... no more sodas, colas, not even sparkling water. my system have been soda-free for 2 years now.
3. teas - actually i can still drink tea, the true tea, not the artificial ones we get at mcdo or jobee. but i have to meet a very low amount of tea consummed, else my tummy would throw a tantrum again.
4. juices - no more orange juice, or apple juice, or guava juice, or whatever juice nature has to offer. most juices are highly acidic, that's why they can be as dangerous to tummy-bummy as carbonated drinks.

see, having gastro takes it's toll greatly. especially for a person like me who had been sick all my life. asthma, allergies, eye problems, skin problems, bone problems, name it, i might have had it before. i was born a blue baby, still a blue man now. so to you who's reading this, humble yourself. or better yet be happy for yourself. there are more people out in the world who are less fortunate than you are.

so kids, minimize consumption of junks and carbonated drinks before it's too late. eat your veggies and drink your milk, and boost your immune system for a better future.

signed, doc kimoy...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! im a frustrated medical doctor. to cure myself of my illnesses. but this profession will forever lie in my dreams.

-gastro-

Story Critic

good morning qc.

was forced out of mcdo because they're closing for the day. it never occurred to me that mcdo ever closes.

i was critiquing the short stories of my classmates in cw10. prof stressed out that we shouldn't be nitpicky on our review but some of the stories are plain unpassable. there's this one "short story" that i dont even consider a short story because it has no conflict due to weak characterization and the lack of adrenaline pump. actually this story was so full of details that aimed to characterize a major character but failed to do so. sorry po sa gumawa ng "detesting apples," but your story is simply a paragraph of declaratives. i worked hard for my short story, and i know, based on my rereads, that my story lacks certain flares, but i still worked hard for it. author of "detesting apples", please work harder. yeah as if you'll be reading this.

i'll just send this thought of mine to the cosmos. maybe the higher beings will have the sympathy to transmit my thought to you, so you would revise your pseudo-story.

hay, it's 12:51 at my clock. sleep is evading me. i never slept the same way i did before. i take in my sleep the caution of waking up to an unsure tomorrow, and my dreams are scarred with the harsh realities of life. the only deep sleeps i have are those first two hours that i spend at dreamland, knowing that i'll wake up later, fully alert, to spend the rest of midnight blogging, or reading, or thinking, or eating, or whatever.

everyone is asleep now. it pains me that darkness' embrace fails to induce sleep from my frail body. now i have to wait for blood-shot eyes and aching back muscles before the claws of sleep finally sinks in.

i wonder what tomorrow has for me.

-nonsense-

Ancient Wonders

YEEEEHAAAAA!

MIDTERMS OVER!! YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

o god, i maybe the happiest person at this moment. accounting exam didn't turn out to be the stomper i was expecting, though i still didn't get all the answers correctly. and the all-or-nothing bonus question!! Nohooo!! but im happy! no more exams! yeah! i did it!

drat that bonus question...

Bonus question: What are the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World?
My answers:

The Pyramids at Giza
The Hanging Gardens of Babylon
The Lighthouse of Alexandria
The Statue of Zeus
The Mauseleum of Halicarnassus
The Colossus of Rhodes...

and...

The Parthenon...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Boplaks! how could it be the Parthenon when only the Pyramids are existing today? argh... sayang. was close to copping those five points, but well. at least i know the six. I knew i got that incorrectly.

Actually, i was thinking it really wasn't the Parthenon. my memory was telling me it was something that "LOOKS LIKE THE PARTHENON..." and it's a temple. and gawd, it was. the temple of artemis at ephesus. geez, sayang! i remember when i was a child, when my playground was inside the volumes of the encyclopedia americana on the bookboard, mum would watch me read the books, and once i read about the temple of artemis, i looked at mum and said, "it looks like the parthenon, mame."

and it does. really. (forgive me for sounding like im some avant-garde, but i read the encyclopedia americana from cover to cover when i was five.)

well, maybe the bonus points are destined for someone else. haay. but im still happy because exams are finally over. will get the rest i most deserved.

good thing i didn't see bangbang today. pero... good news tin, i reviewed accounting with toot before the exam. wow, how fun, big heart... :|

for the first time i talked to a stranger in my accounting class. there's this girl beside me who was kind enough to lend me her notes on purchase discounts...

i saw manilyn reynes and family at kfc during lunch. her youngest child is used to walking over to your table and staring at you like you're some alien in glasses who eats grass and orange things. that's asian garden salad of course. cute little child asked me why i was eating leaves...

YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYY!!

now what do i do next? this is the academic limbo tin had once talked about. once the exams piled on top of each other are put back to the shelf one by one, you're left with nothing to do but await for the coming of the next exam deluge.

will wait peacefully while making friends and eating a whole lot of chicken fillet sandwiches. i wonder where jejo is. we haven't been to rustans for the longest time now.

well thata. will eat more kfc - end of midterms calls for a celebration. haha.

but before i go, let me just post the results of my latest test in tickle:

Who is your movie star double?

Keneth, your movie star double is Will Smith

A joker like you needs to be played by someone charming, someone who isn't afraid to get a little silly — but someone who always knows the difference between being outrageous and being obnoxious. That's why Will Smith would be perfect for the part. With his dazzling smile, addictive laugh, and great comedic timing, people would immediately identify with the lighthearted fun you bring to this world. Like Will, you love laughing — and making other people laugh, too.

Back in school, were you the one making prank phone calls or organizing spoofs of all the teachers? Sure you've matured at least a little bit since then, but you've still probably got that 14-carat sense of humor. Because of that, you're probably the center of attention at parties, as friends gather to hear you making a mockery of everything from current events to the computer-illiterate idiot who sits next to you at work. You, like Will, don't want to take life too seriously, and that's what will shine through if the Fresh Prince of comedy plays you in the movie of your life.

that's weird... im not even black... ??

-done-

Passion Fruit

reviewing accounting in a breeze gives me more time to frolic around, watch movies, blog, and think of better days. im still sticking to my belief that when reviewing, one should take frequent breaks so the brain can organize and efficiently assimilate integrated information. hmmm.

o talagang tamad lang talaga ko. hehe. tra la la la la.

ive dreamt about the sabida twins ching, chang, and yika... whoever they are... they're quite funny. they have bobby hair.

actually my dreams are mostly composed of people. i mean i meet a lot of people, in my dreams. i've met saavedra, ching, chang, yika, and someone named tu-yoi. see, i can really be friendly. im mingle with a lot of people. :)

and yet again, out of boredom (adjusting entries can really make you feel all alone in this world), i took another test in tickle. this time, it's...:

What Flavor Fits You?

Kimoy, your flavor is Playful Passion Fruit

Sunny, carefree, and a little bit of a prankster at times — your playful, passionate attitude is like a tropical paradise everyone wants to visit. You're definitely an original, unfazed by what others might think of your choices and ambitions. And that's a rare trait, my friend. In fact, it probably explains why so many of your pals are drawn to you. Well, that and your ability to have a good time with a real zest for life!

Your easygoing personality is also a welcome refreshment in the workplace. Must be because you refuse to sweat the small stuff. Or maybe it's your knack for keeping the big picture in mind while making sure things stay upbeat and on track. This confidence will take you far, if you so choose. But on the other hand, we wouldn't be surprised to see you close up shop and set sail for sunnier horizons. After all, life's too short to spend in a cubicle. And we think that upbeat attitude deserves a warm climate.

ok well, now im beginning to rethink my concept of Self. playful, sunny, carefree... hay, those are the traits of people with big hearts. BIG HEARTS. i wish i was hot instead. i would exchange my BIG HEART with a cool or a rockin, or a sizzuling... but well. tickle's more of the psychologist than i am.

wait, let me just quote: "In fact, it probably explains why so many of your pals are drawn to you." hmmm... hmm...

haha! i cant get over myself. sorry. this is why i love cyberspace. you get to love yourself without being conscious or something. la la la la la.

tomorrow is midterms for accounting! waaaaah! im exhausted. i need a cuddle. hug me hug me! i need touch therapy. :p

just read kring's blog yesterday. she was actually inside the delivery room, delivering the baby! wow. talk about hands-on. you see kring is a nursing student, and she gets hands-on training in UST. i envy her. i know i should have been a better student if i was studying pre-med. but hey, econ's nice too. my friends are there. it can be good too, minus the coño people, and the lifelessly gray buildings, and the flashy cars, and oppressive uppers, and business attires, and second-hand smoke, and the social butterflies, and the stinking cafeteria, and humongously large organizations... ok. what's left are my friends, air-conditioned rooms, clean restrooms, and a competitive faculty. and staff. and me of course. see econ can be good too.

geez, i started this entry with accounting, and now im in econ. whop.

argh, tinatamad talaga ko mag-aral. tsk tsk tsk. matutulog na lang siguro ko.

friends! give me a ring ok? i want to talk about life. midterms almost done, im almost back to my normal carefree self. :)

-accounting-

Sweet Heart

ive tried reading chapters 1 and 2 of my accounting book, to get me started with the inevitable torment of reviewing balance sheets. but then, i looked at my calendar and it says vingt-sept janvier, vendredi... haha, in french. it's friday night! what am i doing reviewing stuff and subjecting myself to depressive atmospheres? everyone's partying downstairs and here i am, groping my way through income statements and worksheets. so... i closed my book, turned on the computer, logged on the internet (after 7 tries against a busy computer line) and here i am now, chatting with my french buddy (tin), and doing some tickle tests... hehe.

geez. the test says im a sweet person with a big heart who's so friendly whatever the occasion is... how's that for a result? im not hot, im not even cool... roar!

What Kind of Coffee Drink are You?

Kimoy, your coffee drink is Sweet

A kind and caring soul like you is as warm and comforting as a hot cup of sweet coffee. From parties to book-club meetings to backyard barbecues, you're friendly and welcoming no matter if you're playing host, mingling with guests, or just chilling out with good friends.

You've got a big heart, and you're not afraid to share your feelings and let others know how much they mean to you. People know your friendly smile and fun personality can brighten up any occasion. Sound sweet? A dash of sugar is just your style.

i dont like that test. i'll take another one... "what kind of party animal are you?" ok maybe this one...

Kimoy, you're a Platypus!

Party Platypi like you are an interesting breed. Just as the platypus is a combination of opposites — duck and mole, mammal and egg-layer — so are you. You're social, when "social" means hanging out with friends, having a few beers, and fighting over the PlayStation controllers. But at bigger gatherings, you keep more to yourself. You're not a mingler. You prefer to stake out a corner of the living room and plant yourself there for the evening, letting your pals come to you. And, like a platypus, you can get a little ill-tempered when someone intrudes on your territory. But you're relaxed and easygoing at heart, and in general you're happy to go with the flow. As long as that doesn't mean moving when you've snagged the comfortable chair...

...

whatdahell. kanina im a sweet person with a big heart, now im a platypus! half duck half mole, a mammalian egg-layer. what's with tickle? comparing people to animals? what's that for a result? these tests can be quite funny. and insulting... or degrading?

third test:

Are You A Sex God?

Kimoy, you're a Vulcan!

Hark - the oracle speaks! A bolt of lightning falls from the sky! SHAZAAM! As the smoke clears, the hidden deity in you emerges and is revealed to be:

VULCAN, God of Fire.

In a world full of philanderers, you are a cherished god. Though you might not be incredibly suave, your irresistible good nature makes you every woman's sweetheart. While all the other guys are stuck in their adolescent ways, you've got a maturity that all women ultimately desire. You present the perfect package to the ladies, with your combination of ingenuity and charm. They call it "marriage material." But let's not forget your erotic side. Between the sheets, you are unmatched. Your passion is like a volcano waiting to erupt. In your hands, a woman is simply a pleasure machine and you are the mechanic. Be careful not to make her overheat when you begin to work your magic! One night with you, and they'll know why you're called a true sex god.

hey?! isn't Vulcan Hephaestus in Greek Mythology? based on what i know from english12, he's always predicted like some grotesque smith who was so lame as he was so ugly!! and now im vulcan?? this is really insulting... and it's still on the big heart sweet heart. that test makes me feel like im half my age. like 9? exactly what i told tin. haha. well. whatever.

huff. still one more exam to go and i feel like my mental faculties are giving up. i've been drained by the workshop we had this morning for cw10. i like cw10 though. coz i have one of my girl classmates commend my story - it's good daw. yey! but my story still hasn't been critiqued by the whole class. there's this list posted by prof and my story will be the second from last to be discussed. haay, tagal pa nun.

o nga pala. i still have to watch this film by... i forgot... as a punishment daw by our professor in creative writing. darn. wala ako kasama!!!

one more midterms to go! i can do this!!

ok thata. im hungry. will rummage food closet for food... bon nuit!

-platypus-

Cold Mornings

huff. mornings are weird. this morning i felt like the day was an espionage. i programmed myself to wake up at 5:00 so i can study for history. have to keep silent, else jejo would stir (but i was noisy preparing me for the new day). i was in the streets before anyone was. even mcdo was desolate. well, semi-desolate.

wow, imagine giving up the warmth of your blanket in exchange of a frizzy morning bath. you can just imagine how hard i tried to wake my muscles, or even my brain, what more my eyes. when i was taking a bath, the lower part of me was still sleeping. and imagine going out in a cold city morning, all dark but for the golds of the city lights, blowing air puffs, in my thick sweater, carrying my bags and a lot of papers... those are the periods that i call "highly intrapersonal fragments of time." walking in the cold of dawn makes memories of long begotten events all flash back. vividly, all presented to you in a slideshow of mirages. then everything is sepia, and you walk, until the artificial air of the restaurant brings you back to your senses.

hmm... mornings are sometimes magical.

huff. econ109's a bit of a stomper. i just learned the things i should this morning. ate at mcdo at six and voila, there was adi, studying for econ109 too. lex came later. we all crammed our heads off.

dont ask me what lex and adi talked about at the car on our way to UP... they're quite touchy of each other. ssshhhh...

tin was a bit sullen today. if i were you tin, i will take the exam and try to be good at it before thinking of dropping anything. if that doesn't work, then that's the time when you make use of the green form. priority: pass the exam. plan b: ask prof for make up projects. last resort: drop-out.

good thing accounting prof announced that we have no accounting class today. sarsi and me lounged at econ lib. its so good there, you can sleep well because of the good air conditioning system.

the derivative of 2 raised to x is 2 raised to x multiplied to ln2... hay.

lessons i have learned from my econ109 ordeal: i cannot pass a subject anymore by not studying and not even caring of what the exam would turn out to be. college is not like highschool - where you pass by utilizing stock knowledge. in college, the only old school technique that persists to pass exams is guessing, with a success rate of guesswhat%. and im not much of a guess-er.. ?? so i have to study for an exam, even if i have to stay awake all night, wake up very early in the morning, battle water's coldness from the shower, eat cold food, and suffer sun-down syndrome later on.

argh, enough of my morning estrangement...

may i gain good things from my petty sacrifices, for the roundness of my being, for the betterment of my future.

well. econ106 and 109 down. accounting to go! bonne chance a moi! et a tin! et sarsi et vida pour le memorandum. pour ayen, bonne chance! reconcilier et oublier!

-exhausto-

Brylee's Curse

econ109 exam tomorrow and im still two hand-outs away from "half" mastery of the lessons. in the meantime, im siphoning off my stress while downloading mon histoire from les miserables.

may balat talaga sa pwet yang brylee na yan. earlier this morning, we were supposed to have a class in skin diving because last meeting was cancelled due to "ZERO supply of chlorine..." yes, UP is that destitute. anyhows. the primate called brylee (valedictorian of the batch younger than ours) was there to sit in and unfortunately nga, no class. then today. anjan na naman si brylee. we were all there, waiting for any instructor to come. 40 minutes passed after designated time, still no instructor. rain poured down the pool so we had no choice but to go home. again no class for the second time, the second time brylee tried to sit-in in class. hay, lar. minamalas kami pag anjan si brylee eh!

well. i went home after the rain subsided. then went back to up again to meet ayen because she had my handouts in 109. we studied at the nismed library. man, it was cool there, literally. i want to study there again.

at 3:30 we went back to econ to watch Lente, the film-showing of movie flicks created and directed by students. the two movies that i got clearly were "comfort zone" and "lunes ng hapis." comfort zone was about this girl who i first thought was socially introverted. hindi pala. here problem was bulimia. and she was purging at the end of the movie. no actually the movie ended with the mirror ghost of the girl haunting the screen. scarrry.

lunes ng hapis was about a teacher torn apart by teaching and her lover. blahblah. wla lng.

kaninu ko ba narinig na ang econ ay hindi inducive sa love? ayen? wala lng. do you remember nung lumabas ako sa lente to buy food? andami kong couples na nakita. si lex and her boylet, si dee and her... um, boylet also, tapos may isa pang couple dun sa may shed, tska dun sa may corridors. wla lng.

aryt. am going back to econ109. til tomorrow!

-physiocratic-

Biaatched Out

tough day today.

tried to cook lipa fiesta leftovers sent over to me by coñotic cousin. fried chicken looked stale, but i cooked it nonetheless. i burnt two of them. there are three. i had breakfast at this shanty near the main lib because the chicken i recooked turned to be stale, just as how it looked like.

then creative writing. prof bitched out knowing that we are not ready to criticize each other classmates' stories. actually we were not informed. well yeah, like yesterday. but does that count as preparation? well he scolded one of my girl classmates (daw) and he asked her to get out of his class. she did, and she never returned (daw). then prof gave an ultimatum and made a graceful walk-out. class was cancelled. btw, daw was because 400+ steps away from where my prof is bitching out, i was printing the hard-copy of my short story. the moment i got in class, everyone was huddled around talking in semi-hushed voices about creating a ygroup so everyone would be able to upload their stories for everyone to read. good.

then french. did have an uno after all. 51/50... not bad. haha!

the cwts. man, everytime i attend cwts, i feel harrassed by the time i exit the doors and go home. tin! narinig mo ba si bangbang? sheesh. yikes. sundot ng sundot, pasa na yata ung midriff ko dahil sa kasusundot nya. yikes. kakainis.

ginel is one yellow crackpot...

then went home, slept, ate, slept, blogged, now.

sayang, i cant possibly attend skin diving tomorrow because of midterms in econ109. i havent studied yet. erg... bawi n lng next week.

that's it. now that ive appeased my obsessive calls of hypergraphia, im signing off. a bientot!

-swirling-

One Click

i am just one click away from registering myself to the 5th young economists' congress. and with shivering fingers, i stop, log in to my blog, and write...

sheesh...

if you are sitting with me here at condo, you will see that the five tabs in my firefox says:
1. Young Economists' Convention
2. Blogger
3. Google: business attire for men
4. Business Attire 101
5. Men's Business Attire

O geez. im actually thinking of the fashion now... huh?? what has gotten into my brain? well this is all tin's fault... TIN!! see i have been reading tin's blog and she thinks like the conference will not really be a conference but a soiree of [hormonal adolescents/social butterflies] donning their best business attire. and now im actually thinking of this scenario, and it freaks me! waah! let me just remind myself that yec will be held at lasalle taft... LASALLE TAFT. isn't that the nest of the fully-pledged fashionistas ever to exist within my age bracket?

and now im conscious of wearing this and that, that i actually searched the internet about wearing blahblah. hey? hello?

why is this thing too big for me?

maybe it's just the soiree thingy, which is not to be... i hope.

I HATE CROWDS. period.

and my friends are actually excited of all the symposium stuff. the girls are going to the congress because, well apparently, there will congregate the future business tycoons of philippine economy. better meet them now than never. that it? o god. im not up to this kinds of things. im not that good in mingling, and me imaging the soiree setting, makes my nerves do the salsa. or power dance.

or maybe it's just that i cant possibly mingle with business minded people because deep in my heart, i know i would have taken pre-med if i hadn't put economics on my UP reg form back in level10.

ow man. argh. im scared. and im with ayen, sarsi, and tin, who are all girls, who would all be willing to man-hunt, who would eventually leave me in the crowd to be fished out by some teen who's having her hormonal hoopla, and there you have it, me lost in the crowd of strangers. well-clad strangers. who speak the most luxurious coño i have ever yet to hear.

ggggggggg... im having second thoughts. geez. god help me. im not that good in crowds. especially crowds composed of my peers... make me go sick and feel like throwing up. wwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

will i go or will i not?

...

hello kimoy, you have paid already. that's 250 lost in your pocket if you wont come.

...

yeah. oh god, im hyperventilating. teka, cr lng.

...

erg. i dunno how this will turn out. i hope we will just sit in some cozy chair, listen to a keynote without having to speak in front or participate in any business game or whatever. ok ok, marking my feb4 as "young economists congress at la salle..." there. i will dress up like myself, of course will get some advice for friends. there's nothing wrong going to the congress. besides, this will beef up my resume, even though this is my first convention in college. hfhfhffh, gawd. will register.

huff.

here goes.

-click-

Stretching Closets

yum! im eating french fries and cappuccino mcflurry while im typing this... eheh.

lacking sleep. yesterday i slept past 12:30 because i finished my assignment in cw10. had to wake up 7:30 for history, so that gave me only 7 hours of sleep, 30 minutes short of my usual slumber time. you see, im a voracious sleeper. eheh. that's why the moment i arrived home (*4:10pm) and set foot on my bed, i collapsed, and submitted myself to the dream fairies. just woke up and it's already 6. yey!

and now im eating! my way of bloating myself up. sleep, then eat. then sleep again. or watch tv maybe.

accounting was fine. the normal days when prof would comment on mispronounced words like felm (film), mulk (milk), and feerm (firm)... then ate at pancake house, which boasts the highest value added taxes compounded to their food. sheesh, 10% ba naman vat dun... that's usurping...

over lunch, girl friends talked girls hitting it on me. sorry guys, your effort is futile so long as i have this conscious-hot-ears mechanism working over me. but it's nice knowing that some INSANE girls happen to like me like tin and beng and maylyn for that matter... sayang, they're just not my type because i want someone else.

julia?

haha. joke. after watching under the tuscan sun i realized that i want someone else. badly. her. i talked to her this @!@#$%^&*()...

oh well. baka hormonal discharge lng to. give me a week and im back to my normal tigang self.

congratulate me for being able to stretch my closet! yey! all my clothes were delivered to the laundry house, and i was left with only three clothes-wearable-at-university-without-looking-like-some-free-radical... i have more clothes pa, but im not even thinking of wearing them at school. some are twice larger than my size, others are like tights, others are just plain dull and uglifying (forgive my work-crafting?). well, i managed to get through 3 days with exactly three clothes, when i would normally wear two clothes per normal school day. yie! well now i have my clothes with me because mr. bines had delivered them just a while ago, so, yeah.

at mga kaibigan, hindi nyo ba napansin na twice ko sinuot last week ung pants na suot ko kanina? haha, so that's the third time now. sori, if im a bit unhygienic, but that's what happens when your left with three clothes-wearable-at-university-without-looking-like-some-free-radical that doesn't go with any of my other jeans. and i was hanky-less for like four days now, my socks even ran out just today. but hey, i survived, without looking like im in a clothes shortage... yeba!

sarsi and ayen commented on the last shirt i have. i wore it today. buti na lang i looked ok, even if it's the last top in my closet.

eh ikaw, have you had your own closet stretching this year? tell me your story! pagalingan tayo! haha. beat my 3 tops, 2 pairs of socks, 1 jeans, no hanky, 2 underwears (i didn't wear an underwear when we had our exam in 106. haha. cheeky me. it's presko.), and 1 undershirt in four days. kaya mo?

should buy more clothes. sarsi says i should buy more collared shirts. will listen to sarsi, because she's my sort of fashion guru, and she knows what's best. for a guy like me.

again i quote:

"SEE, IF I HAD A GUY, I WOULD DRESS HIM AND STUFF... I WOULD BE HIS FASHION GURU..."

that's sarsi speaking. haha, during one of our gimmicks in megamall.

well, so long, i have to attend to my econ106 problem set. hey, watch "under the tuscan sun"! for once i wanted to be polish. they have the liquidest eyes to lure the women down. im watching sky high later. it's a sort of xmen ripoff... so long!

-deriving-

Rivaling Gods

hoooorrraaaaaayyyy!!!!

econ106 down!! o yeah. accounting and history, here i come!!

but before the exam, i spent my quiet time at the steps the lib building which was supposed to be funded by a french agency as i remember. i realized that it is during quiet times that you learn to appreciate the commodoties you come face-to-face with everyday. the architecture, the landscape, the clash of nature and man-craft.

econ in full harvardian glory...

then exam in math econ. it was easy, if i haven't forgotten the formulas for compounding tax. too bad, more striving would have given me an uno, but well. im a person with a very short attention span. so the time i had nothing more to extract in my overworked brain, i passed my bluebook, walked out the door, and left two questions partially unanswered. well... always aiming for the perfect score is spiritually unhealthy - you cannot always rival the gods...

talking about gods... have read tin's blog, and whoever's blog that is, i wanna read it too. un nga, in my case, i dont want to change religion, i want catholicism to change for me.

i still like the idea that someone else up there is greater than us, someone who knows everything, from scientific names to the exact number pi, to the chord between F and F#... someone who turns stone to gold, whose hair smells better than all perfumes, whose eyes are the brightest green for me, azur to someone else. someone who speaks all languages, and their dialects, someone who paints better than leonardo and van gogh, who can cook better than ming tsai. someone who plays tennis like he created it, who listens to my music, who is humble all along. someone whose proportions are greater than anyone else's.

there are people who would be extremely intelligent, but still cant function well in a crowd. the most beautiful people in the world, physcially speaking, are not the smartest in our species. the strongest people may not be the best looking or the most intelligent. so basically one cannot be everything, because being everything is what gods are made of.

basically you cant be everything because being everything is the single defining attribute between us and the gods. somehow it reminds me that not being at the top is as earthly as being human.

ayen is a gay-detector. for ayen, all men are gay... unless proven straight....

haha, joke lng... we had lunch at greenwhich... first-timers. i never really liked greenwhich that much. i believe their products are recooked over and over again, that they started tasting like plastic... mean. c'est vrai. the only things i like in greenwhich are pearl coolers, because i have this special liking in everything that contains sago... the pearl sago, not the small white variety.

see, tingin pa lang, mukhang plastic na...

potato stars! reminds me of darryl and aizel.

currently listening to canonball by damien rice. hay. such an emo song. ta na na na naa na na na...

wisdom tooth is growing. fff. ang sakit. but...

nothing compares to the simple joys of being cuddled during hard times...

awryty. i cant breathe properly because the sando im wearing right now is snug fit, hindi na ko makahinga. haha, eh all my clothes are at the laundry house... so. well. gotta breathe!

-heureux-

Information Overload

pffft...

im buried to my neck in leontief equations and triangular matrices and natural logarithmic functions. darn. mathematical econ midterms tomorrow is beating the hell out of me. i feel like after the exam, i will develop 3 million new neuron connections in my brain because of all the cofactors and determinants and eigenvalues i have to put in mind.

now im taking a break after 6 hours of lounging and studying at starbucks. funny ayen, she might be as overloaded as i am, coz she mixes the words triangular and diagonal into one single word... guess what: DRIANGONAL... haha! whatda!? and i have another one: SNOV! oh yeah, that's like SNOW pronounced by a heavily cyrillic person. SNOV...

HAHA!

ayen shared her coupon with me. we ordered venti caramel fraps. mine was cream based. hers was coffee based. so there's actually a difference between coffee bases and cream bases. so ignorant of me. i have exchanged masterful knowledge of the distinguishing swirly bitz from mcflurry in exchange of frap knowledge. im coffee ignoramus...

currently banging to hard-alterna music.

im realizing a lot of things of my being an ectomorph... i have been reading researches about psychological correlations of openness and extraversion to ectomorphs, and ive been learning a lot of things. at some wild part of my musings, im beginning to accept that i'll never weigh above 120 lbs... hmmm... naaah...

i also read in a premature forecast of genetic drift that the male species (that's us) is going to be extinct in 125,000 years, because the Y chromosomes are not being dominant in the genes. you see, in human fetuses, the default sex is female... now that the y chromosomes lack manifestations in the formation of the 46 chromosomes, the male species will eventually vanish. too bad. kaya pala iba ang appeal ng boys. malakas. kasi bihira lng kami... tra la la la la...

arghh, econ106 is calling me. will battle with linear programming before i retire to sleep. wish me luck!

-at wits end...-

Pigging Out

tomorow, lipa city will celebrate its town fiesta. and im stuck here in qc, studying french and mathematical economics, missing out on the food that should have been in my belly. mum made her famous rainbow gelatin for sure. yum. too bad i have an exam on sunday. i cant go back to batangas. wow, this is the first time i wont attend Pista ni San Sebastian. I'm missing all the traffic, camaron, gelatin, afritada, booze, cordon bleu... huff.

why is there no fiestas here in manila? people here not used to doing town fiestas. in our place, we hold em annually, so there's this annual panic whenever calendar strikes january 20. all houses will be cleaned, refrigerators will be full, and homes will be turned into banquets! it's nice being in a town fiesta. our house never looked better every january 20.

by the way, our patron saint, San Sebastian, was the saint who was arrowed to death while he was tied in a town square. poor guy. i have this mental picture of him in agony, arrows burried into his body in all sides, since i was a child. the Lipa City Cathedral, or the Archdiocese of Lipa to be more technical (where famous people get wed... haha, like ate v...) is full of his pictures. you see there are a lot of things to experience in lipa. fiestas, cathedral paintings, cool climate (well not really, but relatively cooler than here... it's the third highest city in the philippines...), de la salle lipa (yeah.), pakaskas, kapeng barako, etc. etc.

and im missing all of that for mathematical econ. erg.

well.

just finished my short story for cw10. haay, i thought i wasn't gonna finish it tonight. eh deadline for submission is tomorrow morning... 7 am... anu ba un? anlabo ni prof, sobrang aga naman yata.

the title of my short story is: Death Flowers...

well. it sounds like a Palanca winner, like Paz Marquez-Benitez' "DEAD STARS"... haha, so i was planning to change the title into: The Gardening Store, to tone down the emotionally packed title. weeee.

acle this afternoon, so classes were called off. me tin and ayen spent the afternoon lounging at starbucks. well we ate muna at kfc with vida. gawd. talk about pigging out. everyone just forgot about their diets. im not on diet of course. haha, funny. i ate my all time favorites na naman. chicken steak, asian salad in vinaigrette, and chicken fillet. yum! tapos ice monster pa after kumain ng lunch. ye! then starbs na.

saw lots of people in starbucks. first there was petrus, ayen's tuut. petrus is shrinking. maybe he's stressed of all the accounting and stuff. then we saw chinggay andrada, who's so short in person pala. but her arms are trimmed, like what we see on tv. and she's pretty. then saw anna, ANNA! highschool classmate! yey! missed ya, once i thought we have fallen apart, but no. well, see you on the first week of feb. it's a date! si ayen na bahala mag-isip kung san tayo.

uhh, ayen??

haha! tin, anung look yan?

haay, so nice lounging in starbucks. will lounge again on saturday with ayen. will study there, the whole day, because of darn midterms in econ106. guys, dalawin nyo naman kami, miss ko na kayo. hehe. good luck to everyone!

hey, before i go. read this: http://escapeartist.blogs.friendster.com/... the blog entries are really good. i thought at first they were boring, but i just carried on, and got lost in her yankee world.

back to french!

-cramming-

Nerd, Ranting

tired of debiting and crediting and explaining accounting entries... erg. i cant imagine how baa people learn to conquer their course and actually love them. accounting is just not my field. i prefer probing the human female genitalia than calculating and regulating business cashflows...

kfc's stupid staffers pissed me off. says they can't give me my change because they dont have lower bills... so? that's not my problem. actually that's an accounting trick, not giving the exact changes for petty amounts of cash because they provide extra revenue to the company so long as they are small. well that wont work for me, because im a UP student, and am very well literate of accounting stuff. bow.

my dinner: chicken steak (again... the problem with ectomorphism is i cant get enough of the food i like), 2 chicken fillet sandwiches, 2 donuts from cello's (caramel and chocolate). will excrete 80% of what i ate any time soon. give me an hour.

acle tomorrow. haay. time to study for econ106 on sunday and french 10 on friday. and i have to finish my short story in the evening... so tomorrow is a hectic day. will study francais dix at starbucks with tin. yey! double tall vanilla cream frap extra-whip...

starbucks planner is not a planner anymore. it's more of a scrapbook now. haha, im a messy unorganized person. you should see my planner, marvel at my collages. haha.

adi's idiolect: "SABAW..." whatever that means. tin seems to get the jargon. well. ca va?

met new people today: Anday, Sab, Hannah... ecosoc apps. goodluck! you're lucky, that im wishing you luck. coz i met these three ostriches who sort of cornered me at the tambayan and barged me with questions like "are you the one who i always see in katipunan?" "are you japanese, coz you're name is kimoy..." "is sarsi your sister?"

uh. im not up for magpie-talk....

people are pretty busy because i dont see them in ym anymore. hay. all alone again. me and my jukebox... tra la la la la.

-farting chicken steak-

Shivering Fingers

eff. wasting time not doing assignments but drinking hot chocolate one hot night in front of computer siphoning ideas off into my Pensieve.

well.

just as i was to cap tin's friday the thirteenth days, here she comes in our french 10, with a lost wallet and Php370 poorer than before. oh poor tin, now friday the thirteenth stretches to a week. what else could be worse. first you flunk exam, then you get rained on, then you fall on yo butt, then now, your wallet's gone. that's so depressing. i commiserate with you. how could fate be so cruel to you?

disheartening realization: no matter how kind and passive and laid back you are, fate doesn't exclude you from her list of must-piss-offs...

dont worry tin, there's dharma. besides, this year is our year. 2006 doesn't start until january 29...

cwts is a bit of a crunch. poor ate zye, had to teach street children because volunteer teacher didn't attend cwts. and everything's a mess, like materials are gone, and some photos are missing, and blah blah. poor ate zye. and while she was cramming everything to put up a nice class, co-volunteers are talking about love and being heart-broken. wow, when will they graduate from this. and bato was even enthusiastic of the talk. huh? you don't fit there. go preach your lanuza philosophy instead.

no, am not falling for maylyn. she's like a sister. and im nerd at the moment.

enjoys watching extra challenge. only the show where you'll see how jean garcia gets flung from a tangle of ropes. and marvin agustin trying to sound like some great intellectual after having won a best actor award... fff. award daw o. the only reason why he got that was because there was no other person who's deserving that. not bong revilla, not mark herras or dennis trillo (though he's way better than anyone), not even vic sotto, for the matter.

too mean. i apologize.

hair is cropped. early summer for my head. feels different when i take a bath. the water just trickles down without geting sucked off first by bushy hair.

temperature-regulation system is failing. it's actually hot but im feeling cold, and my fingers are shivering. and im drinking hot chocolate. what kind of sickness this might be? ive got my fill of gastritis and hypeririditis and hyperhidrosis and i cant contain whatdafuckitis anymore.

huff. got to finish my cw10 short story. bya!

-shivers-

P(ersonal) Function

well well, for the first time in two months, i started listening to the endless tales of mr. de dios.

mr. de dios is our professor in history of economic thought. for two months i thought of him as the teacher who would be proud of himself for being able to research the tombstone of thomas malthus on the internet, despite the fact that students can do exactly that too, or even better. and he has a compendium of boring tales he narrates in class, that i spend most of history time either answering accounting assignments, doodling, or talking to ayen about better things.

this morning was different. prof started talking about the Utilitarian Principles of Free Radicals. and wow, it's educational. under the Utilitarian Philosophy, personal utility is a function of maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain. that was Jeremy Bentham's idea of utility. now for the first time, an economist appeals to my ears.

according to UPFR, tickle can be used as a unit of measure. it can be used as a unit of exchange. for example, if you want me to wink at you because im your crush and you are heavily infatuated to me, give me 50 tickles and i'll wink at you back.

hmm... that's a nice currency.

also, the difference between a hedgehog and a fox is the number of things they think about. a hedgehog thinks of only one thing. a fox thinks of many things. the relevance of this tennet to anything - i dont actually know. prof just said that. hehe.

tin and ayen looked particularly sullen today. say they flunked 99.2 exam. man i think accounting's really hard. i mean ayen was so good in accounting during highschool, and now she's flunking it. what more if i took the BE course. id put myself to shame.

well...

claimed my Php2,100+ Starbucks planner this afternoon. it's not really that beautiful, for two thou, but it's not that patapon either. i like it the way it is. and what's good in it is that it has freebie cuopons at the back which you can exchange for free drinks on a certain day of the year.

i like the graphics. cool. i wish i can draw something like that in adobe.

downloaded canonball by damien rice. such an emo song. it's good, try it.

fuckar prof danao. moved exam to sunday. should have been on a saturday instead. now i cant go to this fun something on sunday. have to cancel it. arf.

just had a haircut. growing my curls the wrong way (the nerd way) made me feel sick. self-esteem plunged to whole new depths. said to myself that i cant neglect my looks forever.

for a better future, i drink cold chocolate.

-triple lisps-

Battling Ectomorphism

I want to throw up but i cant. im eating myself to death. who knows how much salt i've gobbled up today.

first i put too much salt in my tuna. then i ate my home made french fries. then three large fries packs, one cup of swirly bitz, one cup of mcflurry, chicken steak, and more restaurant food that contains all the oils to stop your heart from beating. shit, im becoming a glutton, and it's hard, for i know that i should be eating healthy food and instead i munch cholesterol in its purest form.

it's so hard being an ectomorph. you buy lots of food, eat lots of food, then you excrete them all away in the span of 60 minutes. if you don't, you end up sweating em.

well i guess that's how it is. i can't force my body to gain any weight anymore. first i tried eating eggs, because they say i will really build up with it, but look at me now, still the same old twiggy me. i drank milk since time immemorial to grow my bones, but i realized how rickets can actually deform my feet. i tried to eat as much sweets as possible, but my throat complains about it. then there's cherifer, and the urban legend in lipa that if you dont get taller by drinking it, you stretch horizontally instead. well fellows, ive tried it, and guess what, same old paper-thin me.

if people think being fat is the scourge of human aesthetics, think again. the philippines is a land of stick-men, wishing to gain a pound or fatten up so as not to look like sickly malnutritioned retards or something.

i hate being so thin. it makes me feel like the weakest virus in the world can put me down. i want to be healthy, but i guess it's reserved for those who won the genetic lottery during the beginning of time.

well, i gotta find another way to tickle my growth hormones. maybe in some time, in another world, one of my dreams will come true. that one where i woke up in an immaculately white room in the middle of the city, all grown up, tall, ripped, healthier than any Greek gladiator can ever be. I looked at myself in the mirror, and God will only know the handsome man staring back at me...

forgive me of this self-righteous passage. i'm a dreamer too...

-dreaming-

Eating Boredom

what am i doing with my life?

geez, i still don't get the idea of panicking despiting impending danger next week. two midterms, none the wiser. here i am, watching the clock tick from 3:30 to 12:00, having ecstatic sessions with my best friends: chicken steak, garden salad with vinaigrette, and go-go. ah, c'est la vie.

on to the music of howie day... collide. yeah. this is good music.

have i mentioned that i broke the adjusting clasp of my skin diving equipment? yeah yeah, it's broken, and now i can't use it. i'd have to use the old moldy ones, rented in the university pool. but no, snorkel still functioning, so i took it off my original (now broken) mask and adhered it to the another mask-thats-been-in-use-for-30-years-yellowish-tarnishing-mask...

have i also mentioned that i have just seen the most beautiful lady i have ever laid eyes on last thursday? geez, she's hot. and delicate. and small, but goody. she had big eyes, but not the awkward ones. she's cute, especially when she scratches her neck. i saw her in the UP-Katips jeep. she's soooo beautiful...

snap!

back to my geek-knee-jerking-i-do-nerd-stuff reality, i'm finding a new normal at my constant staring into space, mind blank, and just sitting in slump like there's nothing left to do in the world. i guess that's what happens when your world's pace suddenly moves so fast and then in a second, everything stops, and you are in shock of the dead momentum. then everything will accelerate again, and it goes on, and on, until years have passed you by. huff.

i haven't have the time to be a normal boy falling for a NORMAL girl whose NORMAL URGES include BELIEVING and NOT LETTING GO.

shit, what am i saying?

...

currently chatting with kring. says she's been back from yankee state, where there are a lot of pigeons and squirrels... well, may i just say i haven't flew on an airplane yet? not once.

uff. i want a new life! fuckar... this one's so boring.

for the first time in my life, someone appreciated my handwriting. i didn't know there's someone else out there who'd appreciate my penmanship. thanks thanks, though my Big A and small a are almost the same.

....

I miss everyone! call me, text me, bring me back to your world because im drifting to my own abyssal, hell-my-life-is-so-boring expanse of nothingness. help... ?

why do i miss nina now? i havent seen her for the longest time... UP peepz, where ya? babc's been at zara's debut. abi i saw once at - i forgot. i see lique regularly, but no jomie. i wonder where kristel is. Mari is, well, a constant company. we talk a lot... about sad stuff... and bloodletting. i miss ayen, a bit, i miss len.

uf.

aryt. just burnt my tongue with boiling hot chocolate. errr...

it kills me knowing that my life is all about blogging, rat poo, my ordeals with creative writing, the unnattainability of french fluency, and sizzling hot chocolate. uff.

grrr.. babay na nga...

Anyone give me a life, please. ANYONE. SOMEONE...
-loser-

Juiceless Creativity

what's a good way to construct a sensible story? the type that would stun my readers in awe? the type that would impress my prof in cw10, because as of his knowledge, im just an extraneous add-on in his class because i wasn't originally enlisted by the dratty crs. now let's see...

my character is a 32 year-old single guy who loves plants and landscaping, but was born of a chronically musically-inclined family. shake (his name... funny name, not to mention his surname is caliwag... shake and wag...) works in a paper recycling company and parts his time with keyboarding jobs in a local cafe. he is a gardening junkie, and he owns a patch of hydrangeas that are sometimes real, sometimes plastic (because they die out occassionally). shake idolizes famous environmentalists like noel cabangon, chinchin gutierrez, and bayang barrios. He graduated from BSU.

hmm...

i actually made this blurb for my short story. let's see how it hypes you up: ---------

Shake perpetually loved plants... He was born with a green thumb, and learned gardening early. Much was his adoration to suburban flora, that he was shattered into pieces when his patch of hydrangeas withered away, slowly and as if inevitably.

He plunged into despair trying to revive his plants, docking a suitable job to pay for his gardening expenses, and meeting his dad's expectation to live up to the family's musical lineage. For the first time, Shake thought he was a bad gardener.

Then, just before Shake finally surrendered his patch of hydrangeas to the will of nature, he learns more about life, its wheel-like shape, and how people reach certain extents trying to be at the top of the wheel. This is Shake's story, how he believed, planned and pushed the pedal to take the upper wheel. He himself must reach certain extents to reconvince himself that he wasn't a bad gardener after all.

---------

so how was it? i crafted it in my "latin american ripoff" way. i mean, this is not supposed to be the franz kafka, paolo choelho best seller novelettes - was just trying to beef up my creative muscles. if you're reading this, can you tag something? be honest, how does the blurb read like?

huff. brain is almost soupy. i might need brain tonics. darn acads, why do they have to be so cruel? first you try to find a solution to one problem and when you do, you realize an entire series of new problems. no, not ellaborating anymore... i'll just spell C-R-E-A-T-I-V-E W-R-I-T-I-N-G...

ughff... headache's crackin my head. im neurotic of next week, piles of things to do, and i dont have to the will power to conquer it. i hope i'll be the nerd that i am. will hope for sheer luck. no more friday the thirteenths...

later...

-numb-

Friday, Thirteenth

i dont like today.

first i woke up in a mess. today is one of those days when my body does a hormonal hoopla. heated water for bath, but heated too much, bathroom became a sauna. not a good start. cw10 is getting into my nerves. homeworks piled on top of each other. everything concerned with the creation of our characters, to the point of actually making them real. creative writing can be a bit schizo you know. in french, our group lost in a sort of charade game. then just before my mind finally cracks from information overload, it rained.

went home, drenched from feet up to knees. bag is dripping. i dont like this day, why it's friday the 13th...

later i would spill the remaining small amount of mineral water that was chilled in the ref. no water until 7:30 pm.

good thing, there was extra challenge. hehe. yeah i've been watching it like some faithful maniac. if only mariko davies wasn't there, i would've blogged instead. Mariko is so pretty; her accent's ambrosia to the ears. I'm thinking of her race, and ive came up to conclude that she's part filipino, part japanese (for the name mariko), and part something else. I think she's half-English.

I have a small liking of Wendy. But she's gone now. Ruru looks ugly because of braces.

Andrew Wolf is a gigantic piece of meat who's acting was old school, hearthrobish-out-of-date, and who's accent is vaguely american. he's awkward. i think he's just making it up, the accent thing, you know to live up to his "Wolf" surname. Because he stutters in Tagalog, why don't he speak in English? English is our official language as of today, as i know it.

Jean Garcia is the epitome of woman. She's still pretty even if she's nearing her golden age.

I think Marvin is the Kasabwat. And Polo.

Nuff.

It bothers me that im watching this episode of Extra Challenge. It's definitely a ripoff... make that a poor ripoff of Survivor. They just added some "Playing It Straight" flavor, and there you have it... the episode.

well as ayen says, everyone has jologs tendencies...

hmm... im sleeping na. bye.

-tired-

Phlegmy Nose

shit cwts and... uff. grr... so pissed off today. fuck. pucha!

well.

nose is spurting too much phlegm. i dunno if it's runny nose or i just really have this light fever that's pestering me for threee days now. grrr... not sure if i'll attend skin diving tomorrow. sayang. i so want to swim pa naman. but i cant mix the highly chlorinated water with my own volatile phlegm, that'd be too much for a hodgepodge.

drank peppermint mocha in my attempt to clear my nose of excess sipon. no effect. Php125 goes to waste.

one more sticker to go before i get my starbucks planner. well well.

so fun, having big hair. i like it now. took a nap a while ago, then woke up to buy coffee at starbucks, and big hair was big like an oversized bob-crop. and i like it, with all its waves and rusty fly aways. not to mention my crimson nose because of runny nose. i look like some displaced eskimo. not bad... everyone was looking. haha. i felt cute. good thing i have big wavy hair.

thata. updating my other blogs...

-dripping-

Accounting Religion

Haaaaaay. Nakakapagod gumawa ng assignment sa accounting.

Hindi na yata kami titigilan ng prof namin. habang buhay na yata siya magbibigay ng assignments na 12 pahina ng dilaw na papel ang haba!

Haaaaaay. i need to be picnoleptic. like what i told tin. i need some break to reorganize things. to catch up with my other things.

oh god, my first new year's resolution is taking its toll on me. im becoming the nerd ive been back in highschool. im becoming more and more GC by the day, and i think i cant bear it if i gain a grade lower than my expectation... sheesh, like highschool. o god, i thought i graduated from that slump.

well, that's what happens if everything else fails you, and there's no other way but up.

have been talking about my religion to tin. so tin pala wants to be converted to protestantism. actually ive been wanting to get a new religion, too.

no, hindi pala, i dont want to convert from catholicism to another sect.

i want catholicism to change for me.

which is a flying fish in deep water. catholicism will never change. i should be the one to understand it. well it's just that i dont like the way catholicism has to be professed. why do you have to wear the best semiformal get-up you have to attend sunday masses? why do you have to look so neat and prim during masses in the first place? isnt jesus the one who wore swaddling clothes most of his life? and i dont believe in going to masses anymore. because people who attend masses are devils outside the church. the moment they enter the church premises, they become lambs. they save their curses later, when the mass is over, and when they are out of the church, they can curse all they want, hate as much as they want, envy as long as they want...

and i think it has been a big mistake of the vatican for trying to holify jesus the man. now celibacy is a big issue that has never escaped flaw. my religion prof in lasalle says the teachings of the Church cannot be erred. now i know better... the apocrypha, the gospels of the unacknowledged prophets... the scriptures about jesus, the man who succumbed to man's carnality. if they are not true, why hasn't the vatican addressed them? well yeah they did, with a: "no they are not true," and "the Bible's inerrancy is accurate..." Have they ever thought that the authors of the books in the Bible are mere people living human lives? Tao din sila eh...

hay. well i cant argue now. catholicism stands on a fortress of corrundum, it will never be shaken. but people whose ideas are against mine, people who thinks otherwise, are fickle minded people bound to never find the higher truth of the single larger entity that overlords us all. they will never realize the higher power of the single god.
(- Vatican II)
religion is a preference as much as it was man-made. all things crafted by man can be adapted by man, or disposed by man. in this case, i dispose catholicism in its purest form.

(some of the things i wrote here are from my features article for sidhi: commodity called religion)

-wrote-

Pear Pressure

Lipa City highlands (view from our house)

I can hear mariah carey belting her signature whistle register voice as she sings bringin on the heartache. playlist is full of emo songs, because im half emo. but i have happy songs too though, like we go together and the like. wait, that's bamboo's hallelujah on my headphones. then breakaway by clarkson. dashboard later. and more nickelback.

my tail bone, or whatever you may call it, is aching. that's why my sitting position is kind of awkward. hehe.

agghh, my hypeririditis is attacking again. i have to decrease the brightness of my monitor, despite the brightness pane that's accumulating too much metro dust... all painful today.

just came home from lipa. brought three kinds of chocolates with me: milk chocolate, brownies, and m&m's. yey!

m&m's are peanut flavored though - my least favorite flavor, aside from cinnamon.

my favorite is caramel.

but are there caramel m&m's?

rubber ducky photo frame given by ayen is screaming for a photo. i wonder who i'll put in it.

the wish list i was talking about before is now in my recycle bin. i realized that wishing too much may irritate dear Father or Fate, whoever, that they might bring down some bad kharma to me. so, bye bye wishlist.

too bad, i was actually wishing some good stuff for people. like for ayen to have her computer-junkie zach, and for vida to eternally weigh below 100 lbs., and for brylle to cop that long-awaited Suma, and for Danazart to finally become a ramp model, and for me to be able to bathe in the rain before i die... mmm, things like that.

hey, when i came home in lipa, i stumbled upon this nursing manual (which was peach and funny) on the dining table. i kinda read it, some of it, coz im a frustrated medical student, so everything that's got something to do with medicine intrigues me.

i read somewhere on the first pages that by the time people reach their early 20's, their mental, physical, and spiritual facilities will attain maximum efficacy. that's why the most productive people are those whose ages are twenty-toot. the book also said that people of this age bracket is highly sexually aggressive, and their sexual faculties are at peak performance, which usually stretches until early 40's (for men). wow. that's nice to know.

i read further and learned that it is also during the early 20's that an individual terminally decides where he belongs in the TWO BIG I's... INTIMACY or ISOLATION.

Isolated people usually are the ones who dont marry. and if they do, their marriage is not a happy one.

...

actually, as early as now, ive been thinking about this stuff. i dont want to spend the rest of my life brooding over my solitary doom. i want to have a family of my own; i want to have kids, and a wife. too bad, ive enrolled myself to Anti-Society some time last year. now im a bit of a recluse (not too obvious though). that means "i have a closed heart" in layman's.

well i guess it's not yet too late. i have two years more before i cross the bridge.

well i tried to put it aside and started munching on a very luscious ripe pear that's been waiting for me since i left for qc. the yellow skin had been taken off, and now the fruit's all naked, with some of its juice trickling down my feline fingers. unlike the smooth skin, the flesh is dotted with rough beads of crystallized fruit flesh, making it rough by the touch.

that's when i realized how i became a walking victim of peer pressure. whenever i look at my peers, i feel like im a displaced preparatory school student. i feel like im a crystallized fruit bud on the smooth surface that was my batch. i think business though, but acting-in-society-wise - im a big simpleton. damn. and i have this creepy feeling of always being left behind. always trickling down feline fingers.

oh yes. peer pressure. for years since my first communion i thought it never existed. i thought it's just some highfallutin phrase that has something to do with one of my favorite fruits and how it is canned and eaten. now it's the one eating me.

... huff ...

my body needs some rest. will write more later.

-skinned-

Quarter Life

WHAT DO I DO WHEN EVERYBODY ELSE HAD LEFT ME BEHIND?!?! DO I LIVE THE LIFE OF THE LONER, THE SINGLE THING I SO ABHORRED?? OH YES, I HAVE NO RIGHT TO RANT, BECAUSE IM NOBODY! MY LIFE IS A WASTE, I AM WASTED. MY GOLDEN DAYS HAVE PASSED, AND NOW I SUCCUMBED TO THE DETERIORATION OF MY FACULTIES.

I HAVE TO SAY IT HURTS. TO SEE GENERATIONS BEHIND ME SLITHER IN FRONT OF ME. TO RECOGNIZE THE MANY OPPORTUNITIES I HAD NOT GRABBED, TO REALIZE HOW UNWORTHY I AM OF EVERYTHING SURROUNDING ME, TO ADMIT THAT I AM ALONE. TO REALIZE HOW UNSURE I AM OF MY FUTURE...

-crisis-

Gifts Receivable

Wee!

Ughf, finally got done with my darn assignments... well for now, who knows how many other hypnotic symmetric matrices i have yet to write? and start thinking about trial balances, adjusted trial balances, after closing trial balances, and the differences between. well... finally submitted two bundles of yellow papers where ive scribbled my mind down. cramming do help, ayen. for the mind. as for the hands, i face carpal tunnel syndrome.

so ngaun la na naman gagawin. boring na naman. tapos two weeks from now, bigla na naman magiging busy kasi halos sabay ung accounting1 at econ106 midterms. when willthe professors learn? they barage the students with the stress of their own makings expecting to get sensible answers in return... dont they know that many fail exams because they get crammed in so little time on one hand while students handle other exams on the other hand.

and hey, the problem we did in accounting1 just comprises to 5% of our final grade. How else could it be painful? i did the darn problem over the holidays, spent christmas eve writing down the adjusting entries, and then he tells us that all we've done is just five percent?? and oh, maldito fagotto prof said that we didn't actually have to finish the financial statements, as long as you were able to balance the adjusted trial balance.

eh fuck! i did every single bit of it! well yeah i missed the last two parts of closing entries, but hey! i did everything! then now everyone else gets an uno in that for just submitting? you maldito tonto prof should get some standards...

arghh...fff...

nuff. too much ranting wont do me good, now that i got everything's done.

switch mood.

Today is christmas for me. received lots of gifts from my friends. haha. thanks guys, i appreciate them:

yey, gifts!

and this is what tin and i have been doing while professor danao lectured (in greek, i say he's proficient) in econ106... as you see, professor in econ106 doesn't serve his purpose of being a teacher... you know what i think of him, i think he's a speaker who just relays everything that's written in his book. and that doesn't make him a good speaker... not even. thirty minutes of staring at him can lull you to sleep. oh anyways, this is our very highschooly stuff:

this is called note passing. me and tin are quite adept in it - transforming a very clean yellow paper into a heavily grafittied piece of memorabilia. we have degrees in note passing. i have a master's... haha!

mmm. currently writing a wish list for the people i know. im trying to put everyone in it. it's fun, wishing for some people so that they'd be happier this year. haha. go me. publishing it later.

addicted to: Someday by Nickelback
whenever i listen to this,
hungry. period.

i want to tell someone that SOMEDAY it will be ... .

-plockplockplock...-