Cent Dix

today is make-yo-mama-proud day!

first long exam results released today! weehee i passed! with not so flying colors though, i got almost 40 points wrong out of 150. but im happy nonetheless, and everyone else is... at least i was third in our class. yey! prof announced the top three because the tops are the ones who are not in peril of failing so far. and the third was me! i can breathe still until i fail an exam perhaps.

the other two are both my classmates in lab class. so its like we're making ma'am capati proud because we aced the exam. hmmm, that what you get if you spend the whole afternoon after lec class (approximately two hours) doing pre-labs, data sheets, etc. etc. haay. basta, i passed the exam. stupid mistakes. well. better luck next time.

bumped to maddie after lec class. hey i didnt mean psych was a no-brainer's course. i was just out of my mind when i said that, haha. maybe part of the reason why i even said that was because everyone else thinks psych is the ONLY pre-med course, and bio doesn't even exists.

thermochemistry is the killer. i dont get the concept of enthalpy at all. will have to attend ira's party, really, because mari and abi will be there, maybe i could ask them about heat and stuff.

still no gift for ira. ayen! me no load. sige hati tau sa gift.

i passed my shifting papers early this morning. arf, bitchy lady is as per usual, still bitching with me - she got the knack doing it. said i have a very slim chance to pass for bio. erg. yes i know my gwa is pathetic, but think of the determination i have for bio. i am subjecting myself to long torment by studying a course everyone else shirks away from. can you not see the big bargain i made by choosing to shift to bio? no social life, no more parties, not much gimmicks, less time with friends, less blogging hours, less eating time, less sleep... less everything. i will have less time for myself. so please, give me a chance.

erg.

anyways. the drama is just a spectator feeling, it has no effect on the reaction. i ended up signing for bio AND physics so that i'll have a buffer when the college secretary decides to bar me from bio.

physics has very little and easy requirements. wala lng.

bio = elusive.

am sorry for my chem classmates who didnt pass even after the hard work we exerted during afternoon study sessions. maybe we should change strategy. im thinking of something, maybe it will work. basta we should all pass chem16... para sabay sabay tau magchem30. aryt??

please let me in bio. purleeaase.

today is also friday. i wonder how lonely tonight be. ayen will be going back to batangas for sure. i have no idea where the others are. hrf... all alone again, la la la, under the moonlight's beams...

-happy-

Shifting Process

wow. no chem today. haaahhhh... fresh air.

i alotted today for getting done with my files for my shifting. sheesh good thing i had the nick on doing it because shifting actually ends tomorrow. yeh. so i was there in the CS college secretary putting some thespian performance about how econ releases tcg's three days after request. bitchy lady gave me an allowance and said she'd still accept my application on tuesday. but...

i got my tcg today! haha, God am i lucky. mr reside signed it immediately. maybe he wanted me out of econ too. hmm...

ok. after walking heaps id be submitting my shifting papers tomorrow. hfff. eto na.

argh. i really hate people who stare too much. their eyes should be gouged out. stop staring at me. pasimple ka pa. if you dont like my overly bright early warning sign shirt, then dont look. maggot.

pinoy big brother na! bai!

-chem again tomorrow-

Paula Luansing

chem long exam over. bah. no stoich. i studied for stoich.

failing grades in my quizzes. yar!

am chatting with pola, my long lost friend. why are we talking about what restaurants lasts 24/7?

t_keneth: those are really nice blue eyes... he's maltese isn't_keneth: t he?p_wicky15: lol nah... he's polishp_wicky15: how r u kimoy?t_keneth: fine. almost lugaw because of chem. how's down under?p_wicky15: its pretty good... i'm drowning in assignment as well.. but i can imagine its nothin compared to therep_wicky15: tsk tskp_wicky15: chem... hav u learned nothin from yr 9t_keneth: whateverp_wicky15: its a bitcht_keneth: i have learned to be sadistic to myselfp_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: lol... nah... chill... its not the end of d world if u fail it...i dont reckon its worthitt_keneth: but i need it for medschool!t_keneth: ergt_keneth: fuckarp_wicky15: ooooohhhhp_wicky15: high rollerrrrrp_wicky15: med school huhp_wicky15: sweeetp_wicky15: dats awesome... o wellp_wicky15: no pain no gaint_keneth: hehet_keneth: lemy will be a med student next yeart_keneth: ako, i haven't even started my pre-med!t_keneth: darnp_wicky15: o well wetha its chem or calculus... same same... there will still be pain... heaps of itp_wicky15: psssss.... but see lemy is no ordinary human beingp_wicky15: and by the amount of work he does... i dont reckon he has a life eithap_wicky15: lol.. kidddinp_wicky15: u hav all d tym in the world i reckon... no need to rusht_keneth: hello? we landed on the same system of university. that doesn't make us different species of freakazoids...p_wicky15: o did yat_keneth: in fact i want to enroll for the college of med nowt_keneth: yeaht_keneth: UPp_wicky15: shitp_wicky15: wats d rush butp_wicky15: ?t_keneth: i wanna live by myselft_keneth: get out of mum's petty cashp_wicky15: hmmmm o... i see wat u meanp_wicky15: o yeh.... fucken got itt_keneth: whateverp_wicky15: i'm happy to be out of my folk's casht_keneth: you are?p_wicky15: just holdin out till i'm out of the house as wellp_wicky15: but i cant afford it yetp_wicky15: yeht_keneth: you are the luckiest personp_wicky15: i hav a part-tym jobp_wicky15: they dont give me shitt_keneth: talaga?p_wicky15: as in i pay for school n toiletriest_keneth: wow. that's coolp_wicky15: yeh... since lyk a yr and 8 months nowp_wicky15: yeh its good... but its hard workt_keneth: that is like years from now for mep_wicky15: well... not d hard part... coz i manage lyk a coffee place... n i stand all day u knowp_wicky15: but yeh... its better than asking for dosh from my bitch of a mothat_keneth: huh? what have i done?t_keneth: yart_keneth: i hate it when mum bitches around me saying im one degree away from a slothp_wicky15: yeh i reckon u cud be dying from fatigue n theyll still say that when they find a piece of clothing on ur bedt_keneth: im a big problem... blaht_keneth: you're in college na din right?p_wicky15: yeh... but just 1st year... coz we had year 11 n 12 lyk preparatoryt_keneth: eek.t_keneth: so what are you up to?p_wicky15: its ok.... coz nursing's fast here... i finish in 2 yearst_keneth: do you have any medschool dreams like moi?p_wicky15: i dunno... i don't wanna plan my life awayp_wicky15: i have the rest of my life to do that u knowt_keneth: you dont even feel quarter life crisis, dont you?p_wicky15: well... maybe not wen i'm lyk 40...but youth's shortlivest_keneth: it's plaguing all the people around mep_wicky15: shirtlivedp_wicky15: shortlivedp_wicky15: pssst_keneth: hahap_wicky15: stupid keyboardp_wicky15: i'd probly go through the same thing if i'm therep_wicky15: they put so much pressure on studentsp_wicky15: theres no pressure at all herep_wicky15: lyk u attend lectures if u wantp_wicky15: but u gotta be good on the assignmentst_keneth: hmmt_keneth: well, maybe if you're talking about ust or ateneot_keneth: same old high school shitt_keneth: but UP is differentt_keneth: you put the pressure on yourselft_keneth: i mean i could have taken some easy ace coursep_wicky15: yeh my cousin graduated from UP dilimant_keneth: like tourism or whatevert_keneth: but i choose to study hardcore biot_keneth: voilap_wicky15: yeh... i getchap_wicky15: but lyk u cant let it get the best of u... u knowt_keneth: i knowp_wicky15: u myt wake up accomplished 1 day... but u missed out on bein young and crazyt_keneth: ergt_keneth: i havent thought about thatp_wicky15: ges balance it a bitp_wicky15: lyk its gud u push urself but if it gets to d point were it gets u so downp_wicky15: its not really worth it is it...t_keneth: wow, thanks counselort_keneth: hahap_wicky15: lol... yeh... u learn a lot of practical shit herep_wicky15: coz ur exposed to all different types of people and environmentsp_wicky15: every1's so differentt_keneth: maybe its cool living therep_wicky15: u knot_keneth: yeahp_wicky15: i think it's the multicultural thing as wellp_wicky15: its really differentt_keneth: here, you get to learn about that through psych101... all clinicalp_wicky15: lol... yehp_wicky15: and i think i get y ur so pressured therep_wicky15: coz lyk if u dont get to the top... its gona be hard to be successful coz of the economy as wellt_keneth: uh huhp_wicky15: here, theres so many opportunities... lyk studying is not the only way to be successful u knowt_keneth: hmmmp_wicky15: theres apprenticeships and stuffp_wicky15: so its less pressure basiclyt_keneth: i seet_keneth: so thats cool living there ist_keneth: and you get to play around with all the polishes and whoevert_keneth: i'll guessp_wicky15: lol... hell yehp_wicky15: n lyk dont get me wrongt_keneth: he's your fifth polisht_keneth: hahap_wicky15: its all the same wherever u are u knowp_wicky15: its just mentalityp_wicky15: lyk i have a cousin there yep_wicky15: heaps of pressure as wellp_wicky15: she was doin pol sci.t_keneth: iwp_wicky15: and our reloz are pushin her to do lawt_keneth: the social sciences are the biggest fields of bullshitp_wicky15: and her family's countin on her blah blah... coz her dad leftt_keneth: wawap_wicky15: she got in at UP diliman.. she's really brainyp_wicky15: she passed to advance to UP lawp_wicky15: but it was too much u knowp_wicky15: so now she's takin tym offt_keneth: where is she?p_wicky15: she's got plenty of tym to be a lawyer later onp_wicky15: 1st she taught at UP for a bitp_wicky15: then she got over itp_wicky15: she's now on a telecommunication jobp_wicky15: savin up 1stt_keneth: huh?p_wicky15: coz she doesnt wanna depend on my rich aunt's dosht_keneth: aht_keneth: well... pero sayangt_keneth: she studies polsci in UP and she lands into telecommunicationsp_wicky15: yeh dats wat everyone's sayingp_wicky15: but slong as she's OK u knowt_keneth: uh huht_keneth: o nga.. mentalityp_wicky15: sure she was doin really good at UPp_wicky15: but fckp_wicky15: she was so underweightp_wicky15: nearly annorexict_keneth: haha iwt_keneth: i hate anorexicst_keneth: and bulimicsp_wicky15: and it was just full on...t_keneth: but im close to being one myself hahat_keneth: huh what?p_wicky15: she's still young reallyp_wicky15: LOLp_wicky15: yeh... ur pretty skinny to start w/t_keneth: erf. sorry. i was born an ectomorphp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: but im trying hard to gain weight you knowp_wicky15: biology talk eit_keneth: i pig out regularly.. hehe. on kfc!p_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: yeh samet_keneth: do you have kfc in australia?p_wicky15: yeh...t_keneth: huh malamang..t_keneth: hahap_wicky15: but theres no ricep_wicky15: lolt_keneth: huh?t_keneth: weirt_keneth: *weirdp_wicky15: i knot_keneth: all milk?t_keneth: hahap_wicky15: no rice in mcdonalds eithat_keneth: huwaaat?p_wicky15: nah mashed potatop_wicky15: and they call it mccast_keneth: how do you pronounce that?p_wicky15: instead of mcdot_keneth: mc-cas?t_keneth: why is that?p_wicky15: i'm not surep_wicky15: probly coz of the accentp_wicky15: u know how watter is wataht_keneth: hahap_wicky15: its lyk mccers maccast_keneth: aht_keneth: so its not really far from british?t_keneth: i mean aussis sound british sometimes...t_keneth: or is it only met_keneth: i cant distinguish wellp_wicky15: yeh just really slang and informalp_wicky15: u'll get the difference once u actually talk to a full on aussiet_keneth: but whats the use of telling who's english and who's not when everyone else is from a different countryt_keneth: lolp_wicky15: lol... true... but when u live with them and u see them eveyday u'll be able to tell... trust met_keneth: do you think the foreign people in australia outnumber the actual number of native australians?p_wicky15: yeh... for suret_keneth: do you even have filipino friends there?p_wicky15: its probly lyk a 70-30 thingt_keneth: whoap_wicky15: yeh a whole bunchp_wicky15: i sweart_keneth: wow. iwanna go therep_wicky15: especially here in melbourne they're everywherep_wicky15: there's heaps of asiansp_wicky15: lyk HEAPSt_keneth: i get itp_wicky15: but probly not as much as the europeansp_wicky15: depends where u got_keneth: hmmt_keneth: where's the most french?p_wicky15: lolt_keneth: im studying french you knowt_keneth: hahat_keneth: its pretty coolp_wicky15: i know very few french peoplep_wicky15: but i know some halviesp_wicky15: lyk half french half irisht_keneth: ...t_keneth: is that a nice combination?p_wicky15: half french half asian u knot_keneth: whoa talaga?p_wicky15: lol... nah its pretty cackedp_wicky15: they're too whitet_keneth: hahap_wicky15: euroasians are hott_keneth: oh yeah!t_keneth: theyt_keneth: 're the most beautiful creaturest_keneth: ooh la lap_wicky15: thats y if i ever decide to have kidsp_wicky15: i'm definitely goin for a europ_wicky15: lolt_keneth: hahat_keneth: and all your kids will be modelst_keneth: in mtcp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: *mtvp_wicky15: hell yeaht_keneth: denise is eurasian right?t_keneth: ay teka, do we have the same mtv?t_keneth: or is there mtvaustralia?p_wicky15: nah... i dunno her... yeh there is...i know this chick from my class... she's half polish half chinesep_wicky15: supaaahh hott_keneth: like tssssssst_keneth: i can just imaginep_wicky15: lyk she had this hazel green eyes... but shape of asian eyesp_wicky15: and her skin's awesomet_keneth: wowt_keneth: i like green-eyed peoplet_keneth: whos skin are cafe lattep_wicky15: lolt_keneth: hahap_wicky15: ummmm... i'm not surep_wicky15: u mean lyk us or lighter than filos?t_keneth: i dont care. i dont really like the pinoy convention of bleaching skint_keneth: i mean everyone else here is using likas papayat_keneth: when im wasting time tanning myselfp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: and they dont get the conceptt_keneth: they all look so palep_wicky15: well cafe lattes that are hott_keneth: iwt_keneth: yeahp_wicky15: would have to bep_wicky15: the egyptiansp_wicky15: and the latinost_keneth: haha egyptiansz/p_wicky15: lyk chileanst_keneth: oh yeat_keneth: maybe from the dominican republict_keneth: or somewhere from teh caribeant_keneth: whateverp_wicky15: yeh... theyr pretty hott_keneth: so what's the foreigner's concept of a "filo" (why do you even call it filo? not pinoy or something else...?)p_wicky15: o it applies for everyone here... coz they they definitely dont know the term pinoyp_wicky15: and filipinos quite longp_wicky15: lyk say...p_wicky15: macedonians or lebanesep_wicky15: longt_keneth: ahp_wicky15: so it becomesp_wicky15: masozp_wicky15: lebozp_wicky15: filozt_keneth: leboz?p_wicky15: yept_keneth: thats close to lesbost_keneth: harharp_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: nah... we call it lezzosp_wicky15: for lesbianst_keneth: hmm a reallyt_keneth: lezzost_keneth: how do you call gay people?t_keneth: gayos?t_keneth: ?p_wicky15: nah... just the queersp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: lolp_wicky15: speakin of which... theyr everywhere here as wellt_keneth: hmmmt_keneth: so australia is homolandp_wicky15: and theyre pretty cool... lyk they have the best fashion statementst_keneth: i think thats the advantage of being gayp_wicky15: i have 3 close friends that are queer and theyr get ups pretty goodp_wicky15: and u can just tellt_keneth: how?p_wicky15: wen a guys gay lyk with the hair... the sunnies... the jeanst_keneth: whatr sunnies?p_wicky15: sunglassest_keneth: oht_keneth: you have really weird jargont_keneth: lolt_keneth: iw pola he's so palet_keneth: he's like powderp_wicky15: yeh... i tell him he's transparentp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: hahat_keneth: i hate it when you see the veins of someone liteskinnedp_wicky15: he's 1 of em people... when they see the sun they go... wats dat bright yellow spotp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: harharp_wicky15: lol yeahp_wicky15: i lyk polish peoples whiteness butp_wicky15: theyr not lyk other caucasianst_keneth: huh?p_wicky15: theyrs is pretty clean white u knowt_keneth: ah i knowt_keneth: wid no frecklest_keneth: freckles are ($%^&yuck$%^&)p_wicky15: yeh.. n not lyk orangiet_keneth: hmmmt_keneth: arent we orangie?t_keneth: filipinos?p_wicky15: nah... wer tan..t_keneth: wow coolp_wicky15: theres a huge differncet_keneth: do they say we have cool skin?p_wicky15: yeh... they all wanna be our colourt_keneth: talaga?p_wicky15: if we have bleaching salons therep_wicky15: we have solariums heret_keneth: whoap_wicky15: and spray tan salonst_keneth: nicet_keneth: hmmm. i have a hard time tanning myselft_keneth: id tan myself, then give me a week, and im back to my pale yellowish selfp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: and everyone is mistaking me for a koreant_keneth: which is like ughp_wicky15: LOL ouch...its ok... at least ur considered elite there... u just gotta go with wat u got... it shud work u knowt_keneth: i dunnot_keneth: it doesnt work for met_keneth: maybe i should have been born australiant_keneth: hahat_keneth: i like tanned skin bettert_keneth: well of course, because it's something i dont havet_keneth: do you tan yoruself?p_wicky15: nah... its all mentality... white ppol wanna be tanned n tanned ppol wana be whitep_wicky15: nah... i think i'm the bestp_wicky15: i just leave itt_keneth: hahap_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: i wonder u know... how come black people dont mind bein black... except for michael jackson of corzp_wicky15: theyr supressed n everythinp_wicky15: but theyr pretty darn proudp_wicky15: u shud be toot_keneth: mmmt_keneth: proud of my yellow skin:?p_wicky15: ur wastin good amount of stress on self-esteem issuest_keneth: p_wicky15: hell yeahp_wicky15: not every1 has itp_wicky15: just a fair fewt_keneth: polap_wicky15: n lyk i cant imagine u tannedp_wicky15: it shud be pretty weirdt_keneth: fair few = people who have hepat_keneth: i look good when im tannedt_keneth: you should see met_keneth: really i dont look korean at allp_wicky15: LOLp_wicky15: correctiont_keneth: those are scary photosp_wicky15: u think u look good with a tanp_wicky15: its just somethin different coxp_wicky15: cozp_wicky15: o well... watever makes u happyt_keneth: lolt_keneth: yeahp_wicky15: take up swimming as a hobby i gesp_wicky15: and lyk wen u try to tan urselft_keneth: i took skin diving last semt_keneth: its funp_wicky15: spray a bit of water on up_wicky15: all my white friends do itp_wicky15: u tan fastert_keneth: why?t_keneth: ahp_wicky15: water's an insulation rememberp_wicky15: it attracts heatt_keneth: uht_keneth: yeahp_wicky15: trust them they know theyr stuff... all they do is sit on the sun all day on our lunch breaksp_wicky15: one of my friends got detention for takin a few clothes offp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: p_wicky15: i miss highschoolt_keneth: lolt_keneth: you do?t_keneth: high school in philippines or high school tehret_keneth: *there?p_wicky15: both i ges... but highschool here was a bit more intensep_wicky15: we got away with a lot of shitt_keneth: thats funp_wicky15: but i had heaps of fun with u guys as wellt_keneth: susp_wicky15: so i dont way it dat much differentp_wicky15: honestlyt_keneth: huh?t_keneth: honestly i didntt_keneth: harhart_keneth: no really, there were just some fun, but overall, maybe its nothing compared to highs chool therep_wicky15: hmmm i dunno... stuff they dint have here was lyk the cheerleading, the intrams the school fair and u knowp_wicky15: i dint get that heret_keneth: but we dont have spring breakp_wicky15: but the good stuff here was the parties, the stupid stuff we do to get in trouble w/ d teachers and no cream sectionst_keneth: oh yeahp_wicky15: do u know how good it is to have no competetionp_wicky15: and everyone's a whole groupp_wicky15: lyk sure theres lyk different groupsp_wicky15: but everyone's friends with everyonet_keneth: nicep_wicky15: if theres a party... most everyones invitedp_wicky15: even the people we never see in the libraryt_keneth: wow i like thatt_keneth: that's what we dont have herep_wicky15: so ye... it was pretty coolt_keneth: everything here is preceded by acadst_keneth: and namesakest_keneth: ergt_keneth: ay sori i dont have a picture to showt_keneth: im in a cybercaft_keneth: my pc bugged out days agot_keneth: still under repair.. stupid pcp_wicky15: lol... no worries... woah... how late is that cafe opent_keneth: until 12t_keneth: tekat_keneth: what time is it there?p_wicky15: o yeh i forgotp_wicky15: its 11.45 pm heret_keneth: ahp_wicky15: coz here everythin closes at 5 pmt_keneth: its only 10 herep_wicky15: except on thurs and fri... theyr open till 9t_keneth: ahp_wicky15: its only the clubs and yeh... cofee places that are open and restaurantst_keneth: ah. so mccas is 24/7?p_wicky15: i think it isp_wicky15: some mccas problyt_keneth: do you have starbucks in australiat_keneth: malamangp_wicky15: it shud be... coz i was clubbing till 4 am and maccas was openp_wicky15: yeh we dop_wicky15: we dont think its fancy here thoup_wicky15: its lyk just anotha coffee shopt_keneth: yart_keneth: pero siguro you dont have jollibee there...t_keneth: hahat_keneth: !t_keneth: dont tell me meronp_wicky15: i wishp_wicky15: nah no jollibee... u hav no idea how much i miss the spaghetti p_wicky15: just thinkin bout it makes me salivatet_keneth: huhp_wicky15: god wat i wud do for jolibeet_keneth: i like kfc moret_keneth: you miss it?p_wicky15: bbbbbbaaaaadt_keneth: i dont even think its good food.p_wicky15: and i've always loved jolibbeet_keneth: i never didt_keneth: hahat_keneth: favorite ko kfct_keneth: yump_wicky15: lol... i just noticed ur nickp_wicky15: kfcp_wicky15: s p_wicky15: everywhere herep_wicky15: my bf loves it toot_keneth: yeaht_keneth: asian salads the bestp_wicky15: but he can get away with eating fastfood everydayt_keneth: i eat fastfood everydayt_keneth: p_wicky15: he gains not an ounce of weight watsoeverp_wicky15: stupid anosp_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: i can'tp_wicky15: i'll be an obese short asian with small feett_keneth: haha!t_keneth: no you're just petitep_wicky15: my feet's too small it wont support my fat asst_keneth: lolp_wicky15: so i better stay this sizet_keneth: kawawa ka namant_keneth: well that's the advantage of being an ectomorpht_keneth: you get to pig out almost dailyt_keneth: and you stay trim stillp_wicky15: n u complain about bein yellop_wicky15: wt_keneth: and gaining weight becomes a frustrationp_wicky15: wats wrong with up_wicky15: lolt_keneth: hahat_keneth: bastat_keneth: maybe i have yet to learn to love my physical selft_keneth: i mean why do models have to look like thatp_wicky15: trust me... ur fine.... especially when u become dr.tolentino... wudnt matter if ur bluep_wicky15: lolt_keneth: and i cant_keneth: *cantp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: lolp_wicky15: models dont do anythin else but stay pretty butp_wicky15: if u have time and money to be pretty... u wud be toop_wicky15: i have a friend from sydneyp_wicky15: she's filo yet_keneth: too bad im 6 inches shy of wearing mossimo to the rampp_wicky15: she's a bench modelp_wicky15: since she was 15 i thinkp_wicky15: she had her jaw fixedt_keneth: whut?p_wicky15: coz shes so richt_keneth: erg yuckp_wicky15: lyk she had it fixed so she's got lyk this permanent poutp_wicky15: she's pretty thou... i'll send u a photot_keneth: alrytt_keneth: hahat_keneth: e i think girls pass for modelhood easily eht_keneth: guys dontt_keneth: you have to be tallt_keneth: firstYou have received 1 file from p_wicky15.3wisemunkii's.JPGOpen (Alt+Shift+O)
p_wicky15: she lyks monkeysp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: wow she's prettyt_keneth: she looks like my crushp_wicky15: yeh... u've probly seen her on lyk a bench add or sumthinp_wicky15: but her lyf's pretty sadp_wicky15: shes got to the point where she's 18 and accomplishedt_keneth: hmph, like the rich kid sad?p_wicky15: and theres nothin more for her to accomplish u knot_keneth: aht_keneth: quarter life crisisp_wicky15: yehp_wicky15: and i dunnot_keneth: its the opposite herep_wicky15: its just mentality as wellt_keneth: you reach 18 and realizet_keneth: you havent done anything yetp_wicky15: she has it all but she's pretty fuckdp_wicky15: well... she has... and shes still not happyp_wicky15: so yeh... its all how u perceive ur lifep_wicky15: as much of a cliche it isp_wicky15: i swearp_wicky15: not only is she richp_wicky15: she has a double degreet_keneth: ha?p_wicky15: i forgot with watp_wicky15: she speaks 4 languages i thinkt_keneth: huwaat?p_wicky15: coz she's quarter euro and quarter chinesep_wicky15: somethin somethinp_wicky15: she has her own penthouse in sydneyp_wicky15: n yehp_wicky15: not fucken happyt_keneth: whoat_keneth: she's basically superwomanp_wicky15: which means u can have it all...n if u dont wana be happy n satisfied... u wont bet_keneth: wow you talk so street smartyt_keneth: well, we're living different lives. i have to battle conventions herep_wicky15: i've talked to heaps of people cozp_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: trup_wicky15: i duno... i just think u shud be oryt... lyk every1 goes through their own crisis... but cant be all the tym u knowt_keneth: i know. its just that chem's making me think this wayt_keneth: lolp_wicky15: coz lyk after everythin i've been through... the most important thing i've learned is dat life will always be a bitchp_wicky15: just gotta live with it the best way u canp_wicky15: yehp_wicky15: u know wat will make u happyp_wicky15: sugar... lolt_keneth: hahap_wicky15: i just had sneakers... probly y i'm so optimistict_keneth: haha!t_keneth: you wear sneakerst_keneth: ehp_wicky15: o shitp_wicky15: snickerst_keneth: malip_wicky15: my badt_keneth: haha!p_wicky15: lolt_keneth: huht_keneth: are we on the same wavelenghtp_wicky15: i bought the newest chux the other dat thoughp_wicky15: u know... the converse shoest_keneth: what do you mean by sneakers?t_keneth: yeah chuck taylorp_wicky15: snickerst_keneth: aht_keneth: hahat_keneth: your spelling is badp_wicky15: as in the chocolatet_keneth: AHt_keneth: huhp_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: so wats the big brand there?t_keneth: big brat_keneth: *big brandt_keneth: ?t_keneth: chux is not really a big brand heret_keneth: i mean its pambansang sapataost_keneth: *sapatosp_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: yeh its not that big here eithert_keneth: so whats big there?p_wicky15: but i'm goin for the i-don-t-giv-a-shit-but-i-still-look-good lookp_wicky15: hmmmm... lemme thinkp_wicky15: usually the designer clothesp_wicky15: lyk bettina lianost_keneth: like vuittonp_wicky15: yehp_wicky15: pradap_wicky15: n shitt_keneth: yeahp_wicky15: n just all designers p_wicky15: lyk american and eurot_keneth: theyr hard as rocksp_wicky15: there's this street herep_wicky15: its calle chapel streett_keneth: uh huhp_wicky15: and it's pretty much the rodeo drive of aust_keneth: ahp_wicky15: u dont understand how much money i can spend therep_wicky15: lyk enuf to feed an african country problyt_keneth: ?t_keneth: your badp_wicky15: its pretty good... but yeh... u become pretty brokep_wicky15: at least now... my boyfriend pays for everythingt_keneth: huh? swerte mo namant_keneth: and you work for yourself dont youp_wicky15: he's pretty loaded so... its goodt_keneth: he works also?p_wicky15: just on his holidayst_keneth: ?t_keneth: how many holidays do you have in ausp_wicky15: well... we always get 2 week holidays lykp_wicky15: 4 tyms a school yeart_keneth: what?t_keneth: thats unfairp_wicky15: plus our summer holidays can last for 2 monthst_keneth: and you still have spring break?p_wicky15: or moret_keneth: wowp_wicky15: dats pretty much the spring breakp_wicky15: our spring is still pretty coldt_keneth: hmmmp_wicky15: its different from americat_keneth: ah o nga. i was thinking americap_wicky15: and coz he works wer his mom works he gets paid pretty good... so he doesnt have to work all the timep_wicky15: he can earn more than 700 a weekp_wicky15: dats minimumt_keneth: 700 what?p_wicky15: multiply it to 40p_wicky15: 700 aus dosht_keneth: hmmmt_keneth: do you even remember how the peso looks liket_keneth: hahap_wicky15: yeh... i keep one in my walletp_wicky15: dont get me wrongp_wicky15: i'm still a hundred per cent filop_wicky15: i even went out with a lot of filosp_wicky15: lukasz was my first non-filot_keneth: can you be a hundred percent when your amidst all the poles and maltese people in the worldp_wicky15: coz the filos here... theyr nothin lyk the filos therep_wicky15: theyr pretty stupidt_keneth: which onest_keneth: the filos here?p_wicky15: the filo guys herep_wicky15: even some of the chix... theyr pretty dumbt_keneth: hahat_keneth: you can talk like thatt_keneth: because you were from a cream sectiont_keneth: bad yap_wicky15: i swear... p_wicky15: the filos that grew up herep_wicky15: they are absolutely nothin lyk the filos therep_wicky15: i'm not saying everyone isp_wicky15: but a LOTp_wicky15: of emt_keneth: are dimwits?p_wicky15: are pathetic excuses for filost_keneth: lolp_wicky15: they think theyr sick muthazt_keneth: muthaz?p_wicky15: muthaf*****p_wicky15: u knowt_keneth: aht_keneth: yeaht_keneth: thenp_wicky15: and they claim themselves filo n shitp_wicky15: but they know nothin bout bein filop_wicky15: they hav absolutely no culturep_wicky15: no tastp_wicky15: tastep_wicky15: no mannersp_wicky15: and no discretenesst_keneth: hmmm i seep_wicky15: i dunno... maybe just some i've come across witht_keneth: i bet all the filo guys there are bald, ear-peirced, and dons their semi formal over jeansp_wicky15: and lukasz... he myt not be filo... but he's more filo than they are problyp_wicky15: LOLt_keneth: that'p_wicky15: naht_keneth: that's basically my concept of filipinos raised aboradt_keneth: hindi bap_wicky15: u cant generalisep_wicky15: but ye... some are... pretty bummyp_wicky15: some of the guys and the chixp_wicky15: they can dress and eveythingp_wicky15: lyk theyre talented as wellp_wicky15: lyk most filosp_wicky15: but its just theyr attitudep_wicky15: and lyk wen u let them be house guestsp_wicky15: theyr pretty out of itt_keneth: they destroy teh housep_wicky15: lol... nahp_wicky15: u know howt_keneth: hihip_wicky15: wen we come to someone's housep_wicky15: we greet the parents and everythingp_wicky15: we make polite conversationp_wicky15: we eat watevers given to ust_keneth: yarp_wicky15: we say goodbye wen we leave and thank yt_keneth: uh huhp_wicky15: some of them just come and got_keneth: ah yeah like in the moviesp_wicky15: and sometimes wen a friend pix me up... he just honkst_keneth: ?t_keneth: rudep_wicky15: my dad skitzes itp_wicky15: yeah... n dats just little thingst_keneth: ooohhhp_wicky15: in general... theres just too much differencep_wicky15: n it just bugs me how they hav a big claim bout bein filot_keneth: why is it cool being a filipino therep_wicky15: i dunno.. coz foreigners stereotypes usp_wicky15: to really social people u knowt_keneth: ahp_wicky15: lyk we get along with everyonep_wicky15: we have a gud culturet_keneth: oh yeah - hospitalityp_wicky15: blah blaht_keneth: blhp_wicky15: n just everythinp_wicky15: but i dunno... i hav lyk this thingp_wicky15: that in my mindp_wicky15: n my personal opiniont_keneth: ?p_wicky15: i dont reckon ur a real filop_wicky15: till u've lived n phils for a whilep_wicky15: to know how it isp_wicky15: and if u've at least readp_wicky15: the el filip_wicky15: lolt_keneth: lolp_wicky15: or at least know bout the historyt_keneth: yeah, thats what sets you apart from themp_wicky15: and about rizalp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: hmm, do you even remember?t_keneth: hahat_keneth: no just testingp_wicky15: of corzt_keneth: i dontt_keneth: hahap_wicky15: i dint get to yr 10t_keneth: wellp_wicky15: but i read el fili before i leftt_keneth: ahp_wicky15: it moved me real hardt_keneth: i will brush up na lang latert_keneth: el filit_keneth: ?p_wicky15: yeh... it was a bit hard to understandp_wicky15: but i read it twicep_wicky15: coz u know how in yr 9 we do nolit_keneth: yeahp_wicky15: then yr 10 we do el filit_keneth: uh huhp_wicky15: i've enrolled for june but we had to leave in augustp_wicky15: i bought the el fili anyway... and i read itt_keneth: hap_wicky15: coz i was intriguedt_keneth: youre really weirdp_wicky15: i mean it did start a revolution u knop_wicky15: yeh i knowt_keneth: agh dont get me started with it, i will lose the valence electrons in my headt_keneth: haha!p_wicky15: lol...i cant explain it... wen u leave ur homeland n lyk u go to a multicultural placep_wicky15: where there really isnt one nationalityp_wicky15: u gotta try to hold on to every bit of patriotismp_wicky15: or else ur just another history-less aussie... goin gud day matet_keneth: ...t_keneth: you know you talk so deep, like years ahead your agep_wicky15: lolt_keneth: tekat_keneth: ikaw ba si pola?t_keneth: hahap_wicky15: lol.. yup the same one u ate mccers with everyday afta schoolt_keneth: ?p_wicky15: remembert_keneth: when you left i thought youve changed foreverp_wicky15: the vandalsp_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: no wayt_keneth: i mean no more polap_wicky15: i remember pretty wellt_keneth: ive lost pola sincere little girl with bobby hairp_wicky15: and the shungergz dictionaryt_keneth: whoa!?!?!p_wicky15: HAHAHAp_wicky15: heyyyyyt_keneth: o dear no wayp_wicky15: lets not get on with the hairp_wicky15: i hav much better hair nowp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: hahat_keneth: bobby hair...t_keneth: lolp_wicky15: it took a few surgery but yeht_keneth: p_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: kiddingp_wicky15: u just had to bring dat upp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: dont worry i didnt have pretty hair back in hs eithert_keneth: i love my hair nowt_keneth: its all wavy and brownp_wicky15: we wer so youngp_wicky15: o wowt_keneth: yeahp_wicky15: i remember u've always had wavy hair thought_keneth: yeh i didt_keneth: but i look very different nowt_keneth: maybe you wont even notice met_keneth: i dont wear my spectacles anymorep_wicky15: i dunno wat i did but my hairs pretty behaved now... n probly just the 50 bucks haircutp_wicky15: LOLt_keneth: lolt_keneth: no more bobby hairt_keneth: hihit_keneth: i bet they're raving for that raven black hair.t_keneth: not usual for a foreigner to have black hairp_wicky15: lol... well... my best friend... she's naturally blonde and she dies her hair blackp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: lolp_wicky15: but a lot of d asians herep_wicky15: die their hairp_wicky15: dyep_wicky15: fckerp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: haha]p_wicky15: wats wrong with mep_wicky15: too much sleept_keneth: wats wrong with your fingersp_wicky15: not enough readingp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: lolt_keneth: its alrytt_keneth: maybe its sleeping timet_keneth: until when are we going to chatp_wicky15: lol...p_wicky15: i myt hav to go soont_keneth: yeaht_keneth: im sori it went this longt_keneth: its not everyday you get to chat with a long lost friendsp_wicky15: coz i got work early... coz i dun hav school on thursdayst_keneth: *friendp_wicky15: nah....p_wicky15: its really goodp_wicky15: i wudve done it more oftenp_wicky15: if we werent so hectic u knowt_keneth: yap_wicky15: dats another thing i dint tell yat_keneth: whott_keneth: ?p_wicky15: we only have uni/college 3 tyms a weekt_keneth: ?t_keneth: huwaaat?p_wicky15: yeh... p_wicky15: dats y i get to workp_wicky15: lyk at least 20 hours a weekt_keneth: whuowp_wicky15: its not easy thou... but i keep upp_wicky15: best way i know howt_keneth: yeah, its ur naturet_keneth: always headstrongp_wicky15: no sleep heaps of coffeep_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: its really good to work in a coffee placep_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: hope u keep it together as welt_keneth: i wanted to be a barista kaya lang chem is too demandingp_wicky15: and maybe chill a bitt_keneth: i willp_wicky15: dont forget to hav fun and luv wat u dot_keneth: yes counselort_keneth: lolp_wicky15: lolp_wicky15: gooooo teamp_wicky15: i feel more lyk a cheerleaderp_wicky15: lolt_keneth: lolt_keneth: Rektikano!t_keneth: waaaht_keneth: iw nostalgiap_wicky15: haha... those wer d days p_wicky15: but yep_wicky15: anyhoot_keneth: we have to got_keneth: !@t_keneth: !p_wicky15: in my personal opinionp_wicky15: waitt_keneth: oh arytp_wicky15: ur doin really goodt_keneth: hmmp_wicky15: n ur gettin so smartp_wicky15: so p_wicky15: yeat_keneth: smart?t_keneth: whatever polap_wicky15: no need for a quarter life crisisp_wicky15: trust mep_wicky15: i'd kill to know as much as u dot_keneth: hahap_wicky15: with bio n shitt_keneth: geezt_keneth: hey!t_keneth: to set the record straightt_keneth: i am a jaded economics student who wants to be in bio so i can go to medschoolt_keneth: im not a bio student yett_keneth: therep_wicky15: same samep_wicky15: lolt_keneth: lolp_wicky15: good luck anyways... and hopefully talk to u soon okzt_keneth: will dop_wicky15: hav a gud nyt kimoy...t_keneth: pet bed bugs are calling me nat_keneth: gunyt@t_keneth: !p_wicky15: miss u heaps!p_wicky15: tc\t_keneth: same heret_keneth: aryt bai!

god i miss pola. i hope she gets back.

-missing pola-

Single Displacement

another nerve-wrecking day in a chapter of my life entitled: "The Light Starts in the ChemPav..." hmmmm, nice. tis like a chapter in a sci-fi thriller.

ive spent four hours after lec class in mcdo katip with my dear chem classmates. see. only in chem do you get into study groups with nice people. laughter assemblage. got my endorphine hormones started.

DALA is a very funny guy. ewan. JL pala name nitong gagong toh... Japhet = misunderstood crackpot. full of jokes that don't really click in filipino setting. sometimes i think Chicagoan half-bloods are really corny jokers.

buti pa si dyanne may car. kelan kaya ako magkakacar?

we went to psych before we went to katip to photocopy sample exams. there was a list there by the photocopying "arena" of what seems to me the new recruits of two UP College of Medicine fraternities. i was skimming the list when a name on the lower part of the paper sparked me a great, utter, bewildering, envious surprise...

...

...

De Grano, Ivan Lemuel

...

...

wa?????

medstudent na si limuel????

uhaaa?!?! he's a medstudent already!! ako, i haven't even started with my premed! huhu. i'd be a hundred before i even set foot to med school. and that is if i get accepted. oh God please. erg im envious. this is bad. haha! im really delayed.

kasi. i should have shifted to bio in the first place. i was displaced to econ... haay. may napansin lang ako. why does everyone think bio is the last choice as pre-med? i crashed with chino a while ago, chit chatted and got to converse with my shifting to bio. he said i should've studied psych instead.

anu bang meron sa psych na wala sa bio? i know it's easier to get higher grades in psych, but i dont think i really will have better grades if i did go to psych because i realized that im not really fond psychoanalyzing people. i like bio better. its more fun probing and groping the insides of a dead cat than observing the behavior of a psychologically unstable person. i like the feel of guts better. there's more life in it. and poo...

haha!

basta. kaya yan...

first long exam tomorrow for chem16! wahaaaa!! radioactivity, nuclear chem, stoich, anu pa ba? isotopes, the concept of mole, empirical and molecular formulas, uh, the gas laws... shit. dami! erg.

ok bai!

-frustrated med student-

Reducing Agent

urf. the normal chem16 day.

i saw babsie a while ago at the chempav. haay. chem is taking up my time so much, that it feels like a lot of things happened already. high school was so so far away. haay.

i want to go to ira's debut! oooowa! please please no exam around the 30th.

yet again i get inspired by the charms of bio. ive been hearing a lot of things from my volleyball classmate who happens to have bio subjects. bulliform cells, osteocytes, leucoblasts... hmmm, i like i like.

getting along very well with my chem classmates. now i have their numbers, and they have mine too, even my landline! cool! see, you don't get that in econ. everyone in econ seems to mind even being asked their numbers. my chem classmates offered tutorials in their houses! in commonwealth! wee adventure! i never get this kind of escapades from econ. if you think of it, i have never ever asked someone out to hang-out somewhere. everything outside of school is personal, and should kept to youself. i have friends yes, but really few are what you can consider barkada. there are only two people in econ who gave me the chance to transcend the barriers of formality in econ. only two people who i was comfortable with, who i can be candid with, who can appreciate the dumb things i do. econ is so lonely. if not for my two closest friends, econ is limbo. eternal melancholia.

not that chem is uber-happy. it's hard! but at least my brain is working here. erf how many times do i have to stress this. oh well. and bio is full of adventure and surprises. i laugh more, and a meet more people, like... hm, franz! wee. hehe. i heart franz... hehe.

ok that for now. will write a pre-lab report, do a data sheet, study for a quiz in lecture class, study for problem sets in laboratory class, and study for first long exam on wednesday. hmmm, nothing, i just recounted.

you dont really care dont you?

-me and my happy world-

Daltonian Curse

haay. thank God for Starbucks.

UP should have ammendments on their library hours if there are constitutional laws regarding them. i wasted an hour finding a place to study.. econ lib was closed, and so was the main lib... that's Php15 worth of coins going down the toilet.

good thing Starbucks is perpetually open. ive been studying there since 10 in the morning. i went home by 2. four hours of "practice" -- that's how prof lim puts it. now i know stoich better. i hope i can answer the next problem sets with ease. i mean the last few sets caught me dumbfounded. i just stared at my blank yellow paper and watched how everyone, like me, stared into nothingness. apparently im not the only one confused. everyone is. which is healthy i guess.

except for that someone who happens to hail from batangas also and graduated from lipa science. man she's good. she understands everything. i hope id be like her.

will study again later. im just resting now.

ira texted me about her debut. suddenly it came back to me that i had to attend her 18th birthday celebration this 30th to may 1st. nyay. panu yan, sobrang hectic ng sked? hmm... basta at least may reason ako kung bakit hindi ako makakapunta. schedule constraints. if i had time on spare, i sure will attend. erg. sana lang wala kami exams sa mga panahon na un.

hmm. more stoich later. narealize ko, the reason why i was always broke during the last years is because i have plenty of time to dilly dally around. i could rent as many movies as i want, pig out with the most expensive food, go places that depleted my coin purse... ang gastos ko pala. now, because chemistry is such a demanding course, i dont have time for unnecessary leisure. which is good i think.

haha!

im making bio sound like its all good. haha! dahil lang magshishift na ko. bio is the best na. haha! biased. well its just that i find everything in this new league fitting. unlike in econ, everything is a tangle. a fly-away. a twang. i hope bio gives me a meaning. i hope i find more about my identity in bio.

ah un pala. somethings terribly bad with bio. since its a difficult course, i wont have much time for everything else aside from laboratories and cats and roaches, etc. baka matulad ako kay john dalton. "i have a lot of triangles in my head... that i haven't thought much about marriage..."

hala... ngwek ngwek ngwek ngwek ngwek. walang love life! hhh. gusto ko naman mag-asawa. erg... bahala na.

baka bading si john dalton kaya di sya nag-asawa. di pa uso same-sex marriage nun eh. go rationalize rationalize. haha! i dont want a life void of romance. eeek cheesy. haha!

bai!

-stoichy-

Unreactive Substance

ak! chem is killing us! huhu. every after lecture classes, we act like zombies, void of senses. everyday is information overload day. i know its good to know a lot of things, but isnt it unhealthy to learn everything about chem essentials, stoich, and nuclear chem in the span of 5 days? everything... from measurements to the mole. from chemical nomenclature to soluble electrolytes. half-life to percentage concentration. hhh. good thing everyone else is experience the toinktoink, lest id be left out again. like... tuuuuuuuuuut. and prof in chem lab is a terror prof. i had a conversation with one of my classmates a while ago...

.

happy-go-lucky-classmate: "si prof capati prof mo sa lab? nye! wag ka na umasa..."

mephisto: "huh?"

happy-go-lucky-classmate: "terror un. nambabagsak un. highest nun 2.5..."

.

huh? terror? 2.5. ok.

.

first goal: ace chem16... after brand new startling information... renewed goal: pass chem16 so i wont have to take it twice. erg.

.

lahat pala ng courses sa college of science kelangan kumuha ng science series. lahat kukuha ng chem series (chem16, chem26, chem31, chem40), physics series (physics 70, physics 71, physics 72), at math series (math17, math53, math54)... waaah lugaw!

.

babsie ----> naiintindihan na kita.

tyann ----> dyanne pala spelling ng name mo. hehe. you pronounce it like its a t with no e at the end.

DALA -----> hindi mo lang kamukha si drew arellano, kaboses mo pa! aba... un nga lang. lagi mo ko kinakausap di naman kita kilala. haha!

KC ----> tutorials i need i need!

.

hay guys, kitakits na lang sa monday - 6 in the morning. ha... this is too much. its unfair. both our profs are terrorists. we need terrorist cleansing. good luck in the exams.

-drained-

Stoich Madness

uha. anhirap chem.

haay. pacing is like high school chem. what's new? so that's why half of the people in my lab-class took chem16 twice already. and now i understand why babsie, our long lost high school classmate who studies bio, hardly reaches us even through text.

sobrang paspasan! man, buti ito lang subject ko. i have no more time for other things (by the way, i have exactly 30 minutes allotted for this internet session.. after that - it's cram time!)... lots and lots of pre-lab reports. quizzes everyday. problem sets. wala nang katapusan. oh well. at least it keeps my mind working - no more stagnant intellect. all i can say now is : "ma'am, dumudugo na po ilong ko. can we stop for a while?" enjoy naman ang lab. stig! angkukulit ng classmates ko. saya!

quiz tomorrow on moles. erg. i hate stoichiometry. but well. can't wait for organic chem... i dont like it also. but its intriguing. all the alcohols and stuff.

new friends: KC, Rap, Joseph, Lourdes, Tyann, K (this baritone-voiced fun-pot kept on discouraging me from shifting! nooo! well nevertheless - you are funny fun fun! thanks for sitting beside me. i can hardly contain my laughter... haha!), and KC's lab partner (forgot your name; you will be DALA muna... DALA for Drew Arellano Look-Alike), Chill guy (i also forgot your name; let's say youre Zanjoe for the moment, because your idiolect is chill.) yey! dami new friends!

ok bai!

-panicking-

Central Science

Huhu... anhirap ng chem16...

haay. all the while i was thinking bio will be a breeze just because this is my forte. but no. chem, physics, all the other sciences, and math oh math! nohoo! id have to take math54! shit. biological doomsday.

but hey, no pain, no gain. id do the cliche because there's nothing else i can think of right now. my mind is overflowing with cations and anions to even think about chickening out of bio.

its better this way. better than econ i think - in my case. i can hardly understand the social sciences. especially sociology - ewlk. am still in the process of rationalizing david's repetitive derivation of rhetorics to preexisting simulacra, that at one point, you'd recognize the redundancy of the field. and sociologists keeps on redefining and redefining metaphysical entities without actually getting anywhere. just redefining and redefining and redefining...

and redefining and redefining...

bio is boring too though - especially the physics part, i think. but as a whole, bio appeals to me more than the repetitive cycles of socio. in bio, you get to understand the composition of everything, how they interact to form larger bodies, and how they as an individual entity form, maybe, the soul... atoms, cells, DNA - the basic building blocks. beautiful... isnt it wonderful how these small units of spheroids become who types in front of this monitor?

and bio is for real, not just some field which gives higher use of syntax through un nga - rhetorics. in bio, especially in the chem part, you get to know whats going on in real life, i mean, socio is mainly just in the mind. bio manisfests itself through chemicals, bodies, and everyday living... bio and chem are the central sciences.

basta. i like bio. and chem is hard, yes, but its worth it. kaya you! ikaw! stop discouraging me from shifting to bio. bio is beautiful, you just dont see it. i find your course beautiful too, because everything is, and it becomes even more when someone with a conviction to hold its higher body of knowledge mans it. so let me be.

awryt. first experiment is about chemical changes. tomorrow is harry potter day minus the cauldrons.. hehe.

-the avogadro number = 1 mole-

Beautiful Day

atomic number is represented by the letter Z and is equal to the number of protons, mass number by the letter A equal to the sum of protons and neutrons in a nucleus, and X for the element...

.

alcohols are characterized by an OH ionic group. acetic acids have COOH...

.

potassium permanganate is highly corrosive. whatever that is...

.

colloids contain particles that are larger than the normal solutes but small enough to be suspended in the dispersing medium...

.

molecular compounds are bonded by covalent bonds; ionic compounds by ionic bonds...

.

chem pav stinks... it can either give you headaches, nausea, or vertigo, depending on what chemical you inhaled the most...

.

haha. chem stuff. i think im doing good, thanks to our uber-difficult chemistry back in highschool, chem now seems so-so. it will get tough though during the second part about thermochemistry. i havent met that before. but at least, i know much. suddenly lasallian education means something. and being good in english helps one comprehend things.

.

may tomorrow be another fruitful day. and may my highschool classmate turn out in our rendezvous tomorrow. she said she's helping me out with my curriculum. id be helplessly irregular once i shift to bio, but i hope babsie will help me with my endeavor. haay.

.

at least im beginning to like chemistry. i cant wait for the laboratory exercises!

.
i hope i see franz tomorrow. yieee...

-inspired-

Chem Sixteen

wow. chem16 is fine fine fine. i just hope it stays this way all summer.

.

my labpartner is not so trustworthy. he's a volleyball varsity player (like everyone else in my class, yeah, only two of the guys in my class are not from chk... me and the other one from eng'g). i dont think he'll be around all the time. erg.

.

i just read in the website of bio that shifting starts in june of every year. huh? ha? wha? talaga?

.

my seatmate here in cybercaf talks in mandarin and english and tagalog all in the same time. anu daw? mushi mushe? hapon din?

.

teka.. artista to ah! ive seen this person somewhere!!!

.

bah. who cares.

.

i think chem16 is fun, especially the lab. we gonna get some hands-on exercises, which is fun fun fun. weee!

.

my schedule for next sem is adorned with chemistry, physics, and geology courses... ? where's the bio in that?

.

will study. uuy, wonder boy. i should be smart enough to get the remarks of my teachers.

.

go me!

.

tin and ayen----> go you! ingat sa ba99.2... yeah, like it's a dangerous path ahead. at least after that, things will be lighter. will sure hang out if i have time! i will! friends forever!

.

ok bai!

.

-inspired-

Break Even

hhhhhhhhh...
.
i feel good, yeah!
.
ive been on a blog leave - five days, on the record. haha! all that time i was back in batangas, living a life completely different from the one i live round here by the corner... how could i have been such a fickle-minded person to bind everything to sadness and despair, when a better life awaits for my return 3 hours away from here. so such a fool.
.
now all the sadness are gone. i could look back at my ordeal and say, hey, a better tomorrow lies ahead of me.
.
a miracle happened.
.
i went back to batangas, to rosario actually because i cant stay in lipa since someone else had invaded the house, so i had to reside at late granma's house. five full days of baking in the sun, doing household work, eating fried eggplant, waking up in the sound of cockerels, running through fields, kneading malagkit, capturing photos of very beautiful children, and smiling days out... i feel rejuvenated. partially because it was a happy and renewing diversion, but mainly because one of my biggest dreams had just come true. thank God.
.
i got mum's blessings... she said i can now shift to bio whenever i wanted to.
.
yes...
.
...
.
...
.
ok. i got teary-eyed. haha, its so mababaw, but think of it this way. i have given up any dreams of medschool because i dont have my mother's blessings. i have failed in my subjects in econ which made me go through some sort of severe depression. i was almost at the point of finally losing control of everything i hold, and was close to experiencing a detrimental collapse of my mental, physical, and emotional faculties, and then all of a sudden, i talk it out, and my mum revives my dreams. i can study bio now, and with that came back to life the dead dream i have buried months ago. thank God. this brings me so much happiness, i wanna share it to the world.
.
im elated.
.
five full days of happiness. in that span of time my dreams came back to life, my hopes soared high, and my ego lifted by degrees. now i have something to battle the odds in UP. bio may be hard as they say, but at least, the hardship i have to experience is a healthy one, unlike the hardship i get in econ - i study a subject im not even interested in, and had to mingle with creatures who spoke money jargon, who flirted with society like some group of fake, artificial butterflies... now, all those hardships will be set off by my shifting to bio. i knew from the very start that i am not born to be an economist. now that i have mums blessings, i can finally say goodbye to economics.
.
yes. it's a liberation of the soul.
.
...
.
i will be delayed. for sure. but i think every single second of that delay will be worthwhile, getting me ready for medschool. a high school classmate of mine kept on fostering my spirits about my shifting, so thank you dear friend/adviser, haha, thanks, you know who you are. tska anjan pa naman si len eh, delayed din, haha! i still have someone to spend time with me in UP.
.
bio here i come. econ - thanks. at least youve made me a stronger person, and taught me the art of faking the high-end. haha. to my friends - friends till forever!
.
the light! i see it, shining down in front of me.
.
-allez!-

Gold Fish

ok enough of puttng lemon juice on the wound. its a scar already, there you go.

.

have been sad and sluggish for a week. on the record, really severe depression.

.

oh well.

.

let's say i was mistaken when i said there's no more good thing in this world. a while ago, while i was dining at kfc, i saw two children of about 6 or 7, traversing katipunan avenue, hand in hand, apparently enjoying their little adventure of beating the odds that were big honking monster cars and lots of pesky trycs and gnomish drivers in them. kid couple was complete with multicolored caps, micro-mini back packs, and matching blue uniforms... cute.

.

there's something in children that makes me want to stop and marvel at the value of innocence. that's why i wanna have kids, share their innocence; maybe all i need now is a little naivete.

.

is naivete a feminine adjective?

.

later another couple sat beside me - bigger version. so sweet. i hope they were my parents.

.

ak singko pa rin ako sa econ106. hay buhay.

.

and then just now, i was tinkering at my computer when i accidentally wove a good-looking knot from the two strings hanging from my shorts. i wasn't actually focusing on it, just playing with the strings, then voila, a good-looking knot! really. i even caught a picture of it. i'll upload it when the computer is fixed.

.

i cant do the knot now. i forgot how to do it.

.

i wish tin gives me a pup for my birthday. you see ill be turning 19 by the end of summer. i wish i wish i wish i get a puppy for my birthday.

.

haha! naaah! jok lang. puppies are expensive, they cant be given away. and pup will just die of loneliness because he has no one to play with at the unit, just me, and im busy at university... oh well.

.

gold fish na lang.

.

...

.

whoa! just a minute there, i actually thought of buying me a goldfish!

.

ok, how much is a goldfish? and the bowl? and the pebbles and the mini enchanted kingdom?

.

yeah yeah! ill get me a goldfish! perfect pet for an asthmatic person like me. para din hindi ko na mamiss si aizel, i buy goldfish. haha!

.

yadda yadda!

-singko singko singko-

Breathing Hopelessness

how could life be so cruel? i know there lots of people out there less fortunate than i am, but what's the point givin me all the shit?

just when i thought its all over, i get a failing grade in a subject everyone aces. i get a 5. everyone else is ahead of me now, so im all alone again.

the only conclusion left is that im an economics-illiterate simpleton who had the guts to buy a Php700 jacket with a label "Ekonomista ng Bayan" on and spend bucks for a shirt brandishing the school i called home, whence i dont even make it past mathematical econ.

man.

this is lost. really. the only thing i can say after this ordeal is that i knew how to feel lost, and i mean LOST with a capital DARKNESS - not just the superficial thing teenage grumpiness gives to grumpy teenagers.

i would have to take chem16 during summer, because there are no summer classes for econ106. next semester, it will be total crunch, because id tackle three economic subjects, two of which are responsible for cutting the econ population into half, while trying to get a high gwa to lift myself up from probation.

i dunno if i can do it.

...

i feel so alone. i hate mum now because she is such a stonehearted bitch who's not only selfish but also such a depressive that she always whines and does that "im weak" thing. a child dont want a mother to be like that you know. that's why i feel like its so unfair, because when i cry "mama!" no one will come to attend to me. i have to do everything by myself. unlike other people who could have their mums stand by their sides when they make this decision or that. all i want is support. i want to go back to my forte, i want to get out of econ, i want to prepare for medschool! but whos there to support me when i do it? no one. not my mum. in fact she'll just erupt in a series of whines.

uff.

now my dreams are gone. when i think of them, i just feel this painful pang on my chest. and i realize that people just think im delusional for having dreamt of medschool, when i simply cant.
i just hope my gastroenteritis gets the good out of my self before luck catches up on me. i wanna die now. coz there's no more good in this world. nothing. once i thought life has a way of giving good people with good dreams a good life, i was wrong.

i was wrong for even trying to be a good person.

-...-

Failing Grade

i got a 5 in econ106.

.

im failing. it will be a failing 5 until i lift it to something else. god. ignorance is my signature. i will never be able to put my heart into this field called economics.

.
maybe i shouldn't feel sad this time, for a change.

-bring it on, degrade me to pieces.-

I Speak

im so sad.

.

bakit ba ganun? happiness is such an elusive feeling. the times you are sad are like 10 times the times you are happy.

.

early this morning, i was informed that i didnt get in the rvc.

.

sad. after all the hard work, the early morning call-times, the patience in the interviews, i still didnt get in.

.

later this morning, i was overwhelmed by a disappointing 2.25 grade in econ109.

.

which makes me realize - i have never done anything right. lagi na lang may mali. i would wake up each day to fail. ive had tons of failures already, that sometimes, i wouldn't want to wake up anymore.

.

i feel so stupid. now. my golden days had already gone by. underappreciated.

.

mama called a while ago. she asked me if im done with my volunteer thing. i said yes, and that i didnt get in. she said she was ill, and asked me if im going home soon, because i cant possibly do so, because my oppressors are at the house, so id have to go to rosario, batangas instead.

.

its hard feeling out of place. especially in your own house. it makes me feel so alone. it makes everything around me a hopeless case.

.

i cant feel anyone caring anymore.

.

when i wanted to get some caring from the thing i called family once, my mum would just tell me she's ill, or that she's tired, or that she's weak. "may trangkaso ako eh." "nanghihina ako." "hindi ko na kaya mga gastusin eh."

.

it makes me wanna cry. knowing that theres no stronger force behind me to catch me when i fall...

.

...

.

how many sad entries do i have write in order to give me something i can write so happily about?

.

...

.

i was reading julie's blog a while ago. she shared chats with lemy, a high school classmate. i envy them. deeply. because they can talk about medschool freely, and they can plan their years ahead. unlike me, i cant even see my tomorrow. it pains me, when i brood over my inadequacy for business, when i think that i was born to be a scientist instead of a businessman, when i think that im letting people destroy my dreams.

.

now i have nothing. ive given up my dreams. nothing's inside me anymore. no conviction, no goals. im a walking nonsense.

.

im so spent. for being solitary. for cheering my own when no one does. for telling myself that im strong and i can get through this, when deep down i know im just making a fool out of myself. sometimes i would just want to get the scissors and cut myself, or jump out the window into the gravelly parking lot below, or hang myself so id be free of all the torment, the pain, the silence. i wonder how it feels, when you let go of your soul.

.

would it be quick? sweet? painful?

.

if it was not a sin to kill.

.

...

.

how many more years of this? i cant live this life forever.

.

to tin, thank you for talking to me. thank you for trusting me your secrets, because i sure will keep them. you know the things ive done, to you, to my friends. and you know im sorry. i just hope you continue believing in me, that im a friend. because i think at the moment, you are the only one i have.

-im tired-

Goodbye RVC

damn.

di ako natanggap sa rvc...

nakakalungkot...

-...-

Volunteer Corps

wa. ive been through a rollercoaster ride.

really boring stuff ahead. this entry is just a recount of what happened to me today and yesterday. not worth reading.

really.

...

yesterday.

lecture for rvc. fuck, that was that? we were assembled in the SE111 room for the lecture. the registration volunteer corps directorate started reading what seemed to me was the handbook of the servc. so i listened, took down some notes, SOME notes, and let them be. after a lengthy tirade of quick reading, we were dismissed for a break. it was later that i knew that what they read was all they're gonna give us for the exam tomorrow (which is today). no handouts, no notes, just that. too bad i didnt copy everything.

after the lecture, ive had the most unfruitful interview ive ever had. it was the preliminary interview, and krystle and ate cheska were the interviewers. darn. bakit si krystle pa, erg. kakahiya. but anyways, it's the interview that mattered. give me an F for that interview, because during the process, i would go nuts for minutes, stare at the two girls in front of me, grope for answers that were not really in my brain. erf. ibebenta mo talaga sarili mo, as tin puts it. after that, end of rvc for that day.

had lunch with ayen at kfc. later knew that nia was in qc, so we've decided to meet and go somewhere and unwind. rendezvous at sm. tried on shades, all kinds, ate ice cream, cant remember what else. we later joined niña and we went to io at abscbn. yelled out my lungs through the songs. geez, rvc really stressful. i like io because it's cold there. and you get to have a glimpse of celebrities youve never seen before. i got to get up close with binibining joyce bernal. she's so small in person.

then we had photoshoots at the pinoy big brother house adjacent the abscbn building. it looked like a bungalow from afar.

we went back to up and toured nia through the university. then ate at mang jimmy's. sarap.

then went to the sunken garden, because nia so wanted to go there. then talked. nia went home after.

...

then today.

had the exam for rvc. shit lugaw. i can barely answer anything. i say goodbye rvc.

after freakin hard exam, we had another interview about the cases that would happen once we were at the registration proper. i dont think i did well in that interview.

after lunch break we had the highlight of the application process. the mock reg.

fuck.

dammit.

mock reg. what the hell was that? thats more of chaos more than anything.

i didnt exemplify the proper attitude of an RA well. gawd anghirap eh. those people really didnt want us in the rvc i guess. fine.

haay. im tired. that for today. pictures later, when my computer is fixed.

...

may i just say that the servc team are giving a new meaning to the word VOLUNTEER. kami na nga ung nagvolunteer para mag-rvc, kami pa ung pinahihirapan. i still look forward to being admitted, but if eventually i dont get in, so be it. ibblog ko na lang kau. ung tipong rant entry.

bah.

-staring to nothingness-

Huh Entry

wee today id accomplished lots of things.

erf. tinatamad pala ako magrecount. tomorrow na lang.

-sloth sleeping-

Boy Talking

boring boring boring.

good thing tomorrow is start of rvc application period. call time at 7:30 in the morning. naman. dont be sadistic on a poor guy with a big heart. im like in midsleep during those times. well. at least ive got something to do tomorrow.

i went to mercury drug a while ago, because ive finally ran out of bathroom supplies. funny lar i didnt see it coming. i was too busy getting boredom off my face. so i went to drugstore, bought me two bars of soap, shampoo, my favorite aloe relief jergens (soothe ah), and a new toothbrush. chemicals are interesting once they enter the world of commerce. i was skimming through the antifungal cream section of mercury so id get this ointment recommended by mum to erase the white spot on my knee when i chanced upon this product called felina... uh. it's for girls actually. it's funny because i dunno if its a douche or whatever, but it says in the label that it is a personal lubricant.

yes guys, personal lubricant?

(@#$%^&*weeeeehaha!!$%^&)

girls use personal lubricants?

i kept reading the ears and there were words like "vagina" and "dryness" and "daily wash," and i cant seem to connect. hihi.

oh well. better stop here. girls are a weird species. they always feel like they being oppressed.

and they have a lot of things they put on themselves that why they smell weird.

one time i went to this exclusively girls' shop (beauty bar) with a close girl friend of mine. jesus, you can just imagine how much money chemical companies are making out of girls only. they have lots and lots and... lots of lots of cream products and soaps and moisturizers and whatever which are for me, basically the same. i wonder if they use all of that stuff.

and girls also use their own special "girl brush" for painting. it's not really different from the one used by painters, it's just fancier with a brand on.

and powders, ouf, and nail files, nail dyes, nail pretty-izers whateverstuff. they say im the vainest person in their worlds, well i say, the vainest persons in THE world are girls.

why am i talking about this. well, blame boredom.

my seatmate here in the cybercaf is really weird. what's he doing with his shoe?

argh. my blood is mosquito ambrosia. see. im being eaten by mosquitoes here, and my seatmates arent even bothered. erg. blood type AM: Anopheles mosquito.

noho. oh, that's it for today. it's eleven oclock. abc's airing dance fever, alledgedly where the best dancers in america perform to cop the prize. oh well. boredom.

missing everyone. comere hugga me.

-pussycat dolls cute because they booty really tight-

Maximizing Boredom

again in the cybercaf. pc still not working well.

wow. dont you just love the wonders of broadband internet. so fast. im in aaah.

*listening to the interviews of the top 24 of american idol. blah. rihanna has a sexy voice. and she's pretty too.*

uff. boredom is eating me! and i cant possibly spend time piggin out, coz allowance wont permit me. though i believe im bloated right now. ive been eating really unhealthy food lately. good for me.

the up volleyball club was here yesternight. apparently one member lives in golden crescent. and they're going outing! and they're loud and happy and beachy! ouf. *green with envy* i wanna go outing too.

ok counting. that's april 22-23.

im really loving brown right now, that i havent changed brown top since, uh, yesterday. uf sick. sorry. i havent broke sweat since yesteryesterday.

waha, that jaded journalist is really funny.

got chem16 in the crs. yey. will i be happy for it, or will i just get scared because it's CHEM SIXTEEN?

im really enjoying pinoy big brother, that i dunno what will make up my usual late night routine once pbb has gone for the recess. and i miss toni by the way.

bite me on this, but i have finally watched i am sam yesterday. aw. retards and all.

and center stage. haha, why am i talking of 10 year old movies?

shit. sobrang bored na talaga ko. si niña kasi, umuwi na yata sa batangas. wala tuloy ako kausap. niña!!!

im ready for some summer lovin. though my skin is sun-kissed already. see the tan? glamy. i can bring all the girls down with it. haha.

-booooooored-