Ominously Black

im sad.

i think that the things i do now are not making sense enough, they will just go unnoticed, unappreciated. i fear that the all these things will just evaporate in thin air.

im so sad.

and all i have now is the blind dolphin dangling from the ominously black and polished live stones.

-i feel alone-

Delaying Tomorrow

it's 2:34 am in my clock. all of gcm is asleep and it's freaking hot. i just took a shower, first because it's... hot, and second, because the mosquitoes are eating me alive. i have four new wounds due to mosquitoe bites. deng.

they bite anywhere. would you believe, they even bit me at the armpits.

damn mosquitoes.

mum texted a while ago. asked if i was ok, said she's preparing for the babaan of my granny which i should attend this weekend, if i even cared to attend. i dont actually know what a babaan is, and im not entirely interested, so why bother. i never replied. first because i dont actually know what a babaan is, second, im not entirely interested, and third, i dont have credits in my phone... pauper.

deng. i dont even have anything in my mind to write about. maybe because it's not even three in teh morning, and im surfing the net aimlessly, trying to find an abstract data for my geog143 and econ131 regressions... i dont even have a model for 131... what am i doing?

erg.

oatmeal raisin soft batch cookies are delicious. and so are cup noodles.

ouf.

i dont want tomorrow to come. first i have to start my regression for geog143, which i wont be able to do tomorrow because i still dont have teh software. then i have to look for a partner for my 131, which is totally difficult, because my class is not really my crowd so... erm, then i have to collect money for the financing of our batch project in ecosoc, and it's driving me crazy because everyone says they gonna pay on the next day, then the next day, and the next day... and i still have to sell my raffle tickets whose payment is due this friday. not to mention that my group in bio still hasn't come up with a live garden snail, and a live earthworm... and i lost my bio manual... erg. i dont want tomorrow to come.

if only i can make time stop.

-dream on-

Broken Haiku

and it flowed, half-abandon
while the cards were shuffled, stacked, then rearranged
this man played three spade

once thing is certain
a question nets a loss, a double-edged,
sword that is high paid

play, play, lose to heart
and straights, and flushes, and high ranking cards
and i tell, half-abandon

this man didn't know
the use of flushing cards to tell a story
now people knows more

this man no longer
holds a dear insignia of innocence
and the world felt him

the glory that was
more powerful than coffee, stronger than drug
and liberating

the sweet womb expanse
this man has toured, and learned, through frequent visits
but there is one thing

this man's rich full lips
has never touched skin, not one inch, nor hair
that thing's for certain

this man has never been kissed.

-frenzy-

Major Breather

huh. i finally had the time to update this blog. the things i did last week needed some major breather, so i was part-asleep until 12 noon today. then i had to run things, like pay the bills (telephone) - which annoys me even now because i went to xavierville, paid Php12 for transport, only to find out that the bayadcenter is closed during sundays. hoorah. anyways, i went to rustans to buy me food, then to mercury drug for my toiletry, then to watson's for band-aids and other stuff, then, im off to dreamland again. my body clock is currently off track.

when i woke up, i went to national for my notebook fillers, and guess who i bumped into...

of course you wouldn't know her. but it's her. the girl with the severe case of subvocalization i met in starbucks last summer. haha. funny how the world seems to shrink unceasingly. chit chat. halla halla. then we're off to our separate lives.

it's sunday today isn't it? too bad, 7am class tomorrow. good thing i can watch philippine idol later. we'll see how it fares.

oh i still have to watch eyes wide shut. huff. later later.

-eating-

Cup Cake

eek. freaky day today.

i detest cupcakes. will not eat cupcakes for a week.

-damn econ131-

Long Weekend

long weekend ahead.

but what's a long weekend if you have things to run the following three days. let's see...:

1. pay utilities namely electricity and laundry payables.
2. arrange laundry into proper places.
3. clean condo unit.
4. wash and mend broken shoe.
5. go to UP's game against admu on sunday.
6. start paper for geog143.
7. plan my data sourcing strategies for econ131.
8. study for bio11.
9. train for pep on monday, 800-1200.
10. study for econ106, midterms on thursday.

haay. and my french classes are getting worse by the day. good thing i have an irregular schedule on tuesday. we wont be having geog143, so id just have to sit in tin's french class, maybe id be educated more there. id also attend her econ131 class, because basically, i dont like the crowd in my 131. so. un.

yesterday was a blast! ecosoc's treasure hunt, yeah i like. it was my first time. i wont expound, it's a very long journey, basta what happened was i joined the treasure hunt and was late for my training for pep. pero ok lng. ok naman ung palo ko yesterday.

hmmm...

i have a new cellphone case!


nakita mo un? with labor of friendship daw... awww....

yey! tapos nawala ung cellphone case ni ayen, hahahahahaha! yan kasi... kharma. hahahahahaha!

by the way, len made me the case. thanks len!

ayen and me were talking yesterday about len. you know when you tell len to do something, she'd do it. of course magrereklamo muna un, haha, pero in the end she'd do it nevertheless. haha. hahaha. thanks len! i want another one. ano naman, dark blue at grey.

hahaha. joke lang.

haay. maybe that's it. i'll watch v for vendetta first before i get down with the menial business waiting for me round the corner.

-sleepy-

State U

im three breaths shy of suffocation.

today is one of the biggest accomplishments i made in my entire life (in UP). pep drummers danced for the half-time of UP's basketball game against FEU. we lost, eventually, but who cares. we danced for UP like there's no tomorrow. although it's a bit embarassing, again who cares. the moment you stepped in that arena, and see all of the UP crowd shouting and cheering at you, you suddenly lose all nuances of dignity, and start being the UPean you chose to live.

at least now i can say that i did something for UP, something I could always look back to when im forty.

anyhows, i have a big problem concerning the half-time dance. i didnt attend my bio lab class today because call time in the UP Gym for the game is 12nn. my bio lab prof is the most irritating poser in IB; i think she should go dice her body into many many pieces and feed herself to the dogs. bitch. i still have to go to the CS college secretary to get my excuse letter so i can get an excemption in the laboratory exercise she gave a while ago.

mosquitoes are eating me. and im sleepy but i cant sleep because i have this big throbbing bump on my head because a bass drum fell on me... note: BASS DRUM. hit me on the head with metal screw. so now it's throbbing, and i fear that when i sleep, it would result to hemorrhage, and blog my brain capillaries, therefore i die. i dont want that now. Lord tell me if im gonna die tonight, in my dreams, wag biglaan. i fear that the big leap from life to death is a painful one, so please, warn me about it.

baha. i have to sleep. french tomorrow. yey.

-zzzzZZZZ-

Bashing Major

putek. nakakabad trip talaga si mage. shit.

hrrroooarrrrhhhh!!

...

anyways. i have to start studying for econ106 on saturday. and i have to install the stata software on my computer now so i can get hands-on training for 131.

tomorrow we will have a volleyball game against UP Law. then on thursday, acle day, we will dance for the half-time of the basketball game between UP and uh... i forgot. UE ata. basta whatever.

im currently enjoying the cd tin gave me. shit. alanis rocks. what if God was one of us? the lyrics, oh yes.

c'est tout... a demain!

-j'aime la langue francaise-

Movie Marathon

woohooo! lucky number slevin rocks! milla jovovich is tres tres tres belle in ultraviolet. i still cant distinguish queen latifah from star jones-reynolds, but hell, i dont sweat. and i think thomas sangster is the most popular child star at the moment.

and oh, watch Date Movie. its hilaaarious!!

ooohh. it's raining again. i lurv rain. j'aime la pluie! alors alors, je dors! au revoir!

-fun-

Seventeen Hours

haha, i wonder how many people can understand my titles.

mum dropped by yesterday to clean up the mess ive created. i wont ellaborate anymore coz it's a never-ending story.

anyways. she told me not to go out of unit this weekend, so, im not attending UP's game against NU today. im stuck here at the condo waiting for something to happen. at least i have 5 vcd's to watch, which means it's movie marathon till midnight.

and i wont be going to mass today, like any other sunday, because i dont find it necessary anymore. ive been a non-practicing catholic for 8 years now. there was something in my childhood that erased the appeal of catholicism in me. maybe i need the next parousia to get me going to church again.

erg..

kakainis. wala lang.

it's true, life is not just simple answers to simple questions. it is a complex story, something that doesn't end deus ex machina. there is no external force that suddenly apparates and pacifies all chaos. in this life, we experience tragedy, drama, comedy, action, and fiction all at the same time. we are the greatest creative writers in our own little worlds.

geez. what a very sentimental me. i should get a sugar-rush. di bale. thursday is another salvation. may i last till thursday, so i can get my feet on ice. (figure)

deng. i hate being left alone. and i wish my neighbor quits knocking on the wall.

-waiting-

Half Time

bwahahahaha!!!

im such a dumb-y. i rode the ikot jeep yesterday, and when i paid for the ride, i said "para!" instead of "bayad ho!" bwahahaha! everyone was smirking. i can tell. haha la lang.

my laundry payable is record-breaking high at Php408. deng where am i supposed to get the money to pay that?

today is bum bum day. double bum day. sloth couch potato day. my muscles are still aching. maybe i should try the sirdalud thing tin told me. it's a drug - a muscle relaxant. again, give me my painkillers purrrlease...

guys you should see me dance at the half-time for UP next sunday. haha. im goofy. at least im a better dancer than...

you go figure.

Ü

-blah-

Valsalva Maneuver

wow. this is by far the most tiring and stressful week ive ever had since high school.

i pulled the parallel muscles at my back, so now my movements are marginally challenged. too bad. we were practicing the drummers' dance routine just a while ago. and i keep stretching one muscle or two. deng.

i need my pain killers!!

it amazes me, how i keep on doing the things i do now, when im too tired to even buy me food. im really transcending my limits. i hope i discover new parts of me that would give me a reason to live this life. say cheese.

haay. later. i need to sleep. bon matin!

-vertical horizon-

Growing Up

shit.

i have two exams tomorrow, and i havent studied for one yet. things are suddenly getting off track. too off track to even let me recollect them. ive tried reading my biology notes, but whenever i hear the tick of the clock hanging from my lonely white wall, i look up, think of my life and growing up, and ponder endlessly of the things we trade off and trade in when we choose to leave behind what's fancy and beautiful.

i dunno. the hours i spent ruminating about growing up left me a handful of blurs, except for one very clear realization: growing up is irreversible. when you grow up, you say bye-bye to playing toys, to throwing your dirty clothes anywhere knowing that someone's gonna pick it for you, to killing hours playing starcraft, or having a jar of soft batch cookies under your pillow when you sleep. no more little doodledoos. things will have to be firm, just like the bark of trees when herbaceous plants grow up: hard, unmoving, dead.

well, dead doesn't necessarily mean death. at least one part of your personna is dead when you grow up... so that's by the same token - dead at functional maturity.

erg.


this is quarter life crisis at its purest form.

i have to go back to bio otherwise things will go more off track. for now i'll eat my burger steak and potato chips. i hope my usual enjoyment of water cleanses me of the complicated thoughts i have in my brain.

-bonne chance-

Grand Rapids

I feel so sorry today. not necessarily for myself. but sorry still. it is so hard when you go face to face with the plays of reality.

today is exceptionally sullen.

i talked to one of my friends this afternoon. i was shocked by the story she told me. i wont expound here, but i just want to say, to no one in particular, that life makes us do things we never ever thought we would do, so beware.

to my friend, you know who you are, we will BE WHEREVER YOU WANT US TO BE. we are not just anyone else who'd shut you out and mind our own businesses. we warned you, but you were far too kind to decide what's right from what's easy. but whatever, things have happened. all we can do now is hold each others hands and brace ourselves for the coming of tomorrow.

let's see where this river of pain takes us. i tell you, our own risks will set us free. so c'mon niggas, let's play this life like its meant to be our one single shining glory.

good luck everyone.

oh dear lord, some people just dont deserve the things that happen to them. it pains us, because we do not rest assured that tomorrow, everything is still fine. je prie pour salvation.

-at infinite entropy-

One Miracol

whoa.

unang beses kong pumalo for UP, sa ARANETA pa!!! yiieeehheeey!! im so proud of myself. hehe. oh, and i saw babsie there. wala lang.

UP lost again, this time to UE. deng. UP wont get anywhere with a 2-4 stat for the first round. haay.let's just hope that the good Lord gives us a miracol.

yey, i burned my first cd! yehey. haha simple joy. oh and i got the perkiest umbrella there is. it opens automatically, it closes automatically, it even "flowers" without breaking! it's sort of flexible, and it's deep blue... cool! perky!

haha.

uh, my mind was blown away by UE so... i'll write more next time.

-blah-

LA Gear

why multivitamins is good for me....

it keeps me asleep for at least 10 hours straight. with no breaks in the middle for midnight snackettes. yey.

...

i still cant get over what mum did to the laundry. you see im supposed to have a new batch of newly washed garbs for the week, but i cant find where they are, so i supposed mum took them wherever. i noticed the clothes hamper is getting full to the brim, so i decided to ready them for the laundry house (you have to arrange all of the clothes before the laundromat person fetches them because they dont want to get clothes in a mishmash. it's a menial task.) so there i was, folding, fixing, folding, and then lo, at teh bottom of the clothes hamper... WERE MY NEWLY WASHED CLOTHES!!!!! well supposed to be. they're just there! along with my other soiled clothes.

MUM REPLACED THE CLOTHES IN THE CLOTHES HAMPER THINKING THEY WERE DIRTY CLOTHES!

fugh.

that's 320 philippine pesos down the toilet. from my allowance, to make the point more painful. is it my fault?!?!?! na!

deng. whatever. moving on.

i got about 200 pesos worth of freebies from LA Gear yesterday. LA Gear is the sponsor to the UP Varsity Pep Squad this year. haay. i thought nike will offer sponsorships. they havent yet. but well, who knows, maybe they'd come knocking on our doors tomorrow.

btw, ayen, i still went to UP yesternight because the shoot was required pala. so, ugh, see me guys in ANIMAX. haha. yar. not even ABSCBN.

thata. will sleep again.

-update-

Egg Shelling

i am happy and sad at the same time.

let's start with the sad part. i realized ive been ending my entries the melancholic way, so for a change, id end with the happy things that happened today.

im sad (or angry... im not really sure) because my biology class is getting me to nowhere. if curses can kill, ms hernandez had died fifty times over. does she even know what she's doing in lab class? she's this big black hole that sucks the passion for education in you. and we thought that the theory of "school getting on the way of education" was just that, well, people, theory comes to life in the institute of bio, where good minds are dulled, and passion is dissipated. the hell with bio. and the teachers can go drown themselves in pitcher plant sap.

lab class sucks.

then, i hate mum for... ugh. next time na lang. basta i hate her.

ok, now the happy part!

everyone, give me a kudos... thank you thank you. guess what, I PASSED ACCOUNTING1!!! YEEEHEEY! I got 2.25 allez! and all this time i thought i failed two of my majors last sem. i would have thought likewise unless i have seen my tcg, which i did a while ago, and it said i did pass that mind-boggling sujet.

kudos kudos!

hay, you can just imagine the relief it brought me. now i can sleep peacefully. i dont have to take accounting anymore. that means no more accounting stuff for the rest of my life.

then i got my new monitor today courtesy of mum. yar. she'd buy me a monitor and new hardware and still not buy me a laptop, even if the whole workstation crumbles down to pieces. it's just the workstation or nothing. anyhows, i like my new monitor because it has better display than my old one.

then i also got my cd burner, again courtesy of mum. and the catch there is, i installed the drive to the cpu all by myself, without the help of any organic living thing - just me and the pamphlets. kudos again.

aint i good?

another happy thought: there's this possibility that the university's declaring a half-day tomorrow because of upcat, so, yeah! and we're jogging tomorrow round the acad oval yeeha. i cant wait for tomorrow.

and since everyone's talking about it, me and my econ super friends (ok spare me some patience - where did we get the term?) watched sukob yesterday! it actually was my second time to watch a horror film so, as expected, i got well off teh edge of my seat when the phantasm got started. deng. i was demi-palpitating the whole duration of the movie because i got this sugar rush from white chocolate moccha and raspberry syrup so i was so receptive to the surprises. i think the added blended whipped cream blocked some of my smaller veins, so i was feeling really droopy but upped when we watched the movie. really weird, it was a bad experience.

no pala, it's a good one, hell yeah! horrow films with friends ensure nothing but clean fun. the hell with my night tremors. they'd go away when im 20.

that all for now. im going to brood over what mum did to the world today. later.

-cover me with egg shells-

Psyche's Rennaisance

so today is the first prep-compet day. from now on, we will be having wednesday and saturday trainings, as if we needed to get to see each other everyday. oh yeah, it goes that way, because on sundays, UP plays the game at ninoy against whoever. so that simply boils down to me spending the whole week with the pep gang, beating the drums like some entertainer/monkey, seeing the same set of people, doing the same set of routine, dying every night and reviving myself every morning. deng.

amity two is driving me crazy.

clyn says: "kimoy, ang dami mo naman binabati, dami mo friends..."

oh well. this is me after the dark ages. it's my pysche's rennaisance.

tomorrow is another busy day.

-je suis fatigue-