Creative Story

deafening myself with three doors down. i want it harder. creed maybe. or linkin park.

watched rent a while ago. man, it was good. will watch beautiful boxer later.

.......

i still have a lot of sentiments inside, but, what's the point of telling... they will never be understood. i just have to treasure the fact that i have learned so many things these past few days.

.......

ive been fishing the opinion of someone about this thing i had over the end of summer, and so far, i still do not know who i should believe in. it seems that what she tells to her friends, are not the same things she told me when we talked.

talk about consistency.

haha.

how pathetic.

-so what's the truth now?-

Reversing Odes

you almost got me there.

most girls mean nothing but heartbreak. most girls are insensitive of human feelings. yeah let's say girls are the more emotional between the two sexes, but, that doesnt mean we guys are not any bit emotional because actually we are.

you say im not ready... i say you're not woman enough.

if you have to make a stand, stand upright. because if you dont, you dive to the pretentious, and we guys do not dwell on inconsistency, no one does. say what you mean... mean what you say.

it's always tricky what you tell me, because behind those words, another story lies. that's very pretentious.

to france, hey... thanks for inspiring me. too bad, things are not meant to be. whatever. spare me some mush. i am a heartache kid with a ballooning debt account, suffering quarter life crisis, with ten throbbing fingers and another down there at spare.

...

i hate QLC. you always get this feeling that you are doing things that doesnt make sense relative to teh actuality of your existence. nothign makes sense. nothing suffices that void inside... ive tried so many things, but my inner self still calls for something i have a hard time comprehending. wahtever. fuck. somethign's lacking. tehre's something...

blah.

-je me deteste-

No Pee-pee

still not a fruitful day. i realized im not really much of a planner. i had a crash lunch with mari (who is all around these days...), then i rented 3 films due overnight, and tomorrow im out from 7 to 9. by nine, video city would have closed, and i end up accumulating Php30 penalty for not turning in the cd's on the deadline.

and to think that i wont have the time to watch all of them by tomorrow. not even one... erf, sicko.

sometimes it bothers me, how manias and psychological disorders can actually sprout on anyone. even me.

...

im horny yesterday, and i haven't done any sexual whatever to myself so im double horny today. just so you know, ive eventually lost my morning peepee hard-on, and im led to believing that it wears off when you grow up. blah. whatever.

talking about horniness, i was with mari yesterday... we talked about lots of things, some of which called for the reassessment of my highschool, but that's boring, basta we just talked. mari took my wallet, said: "patingin nga wallet mo... may condom ka ba dito??"

*puzzled and suspicious*

me: "wala, baket?"

mari: "bakit wala?"

me: "huh? o cge lalagyan ko..."

it's really weird, having a girl ask me if i have a condom on my wallet, coz that's just really weird... ? or maybe she's just psychoanalyzing me whatever, you can never tell. a while ago she just told me im on my phallic stage of development, whatever that means. and she's anally fixated. ? i have yet to search these psychological jargon on the internet.

im getting hairier and hairier... scary. i might even turn out to be one of chewbacca's relatives. oh geezes.

look at me, i could actually start looking like chewbacca if you put hair on my face.

but then... no pala. coz chewbacca's blonde... hehe. anyways, i actually put up the photo so you could get a glimpse of my newly cut hair. erm, not much of a difference from before. but well...

haay. i spent weekend at home. dommage. if i hadn't given her up, i would've been out enjoying myself (and her)... oh paris... arf. blah. blah blah. blah blah blah blah...

-big fishes exist..-

Mari Talks

blug. today is not as fruitful as the other days - watched brokeback mountain (finally) and memoirs of a geisha. well. contrary to what others think of memoirs, i more of liked it than i got bothered by the accented english. if you get me.

nothing really fruitful. except i got to know more of the stories of certain people. mari for instance.

it's fun talking to mari.

mari says, "kung ayaw ng mga tao na maging kaibigan ka, anung magagawa mo? bakit mo pa kailangang ipilit..."

tama nga naman...

why do i always have to try to fit in on some people's circle when i simply do not.

...

this time i will really take care of my heart.

i know you want to ask something. i know you want to know. try me. ask me. if you want to know something real and clear.

...

aaargh. it's so sad that i have to give up what i really want for the sake of justice.

sabi ni mari, iblog ko na lang yung mga saloobin ko.

but no. blogging is not always the answer to vent out what's bothering you inside. it just doesn't suffice.

at least i can forget about it at the moment, spend myself in the rigorous trainings and pointless reading of materials that wont get me nowhere.

now, enough of this hormonal overdrive.

-mind something else-

Pep Assessment

pep assessment over... haay.

i hope i hope this is the start of something life-changing for me. as more days pass, i realize more and more how stale my life had been for the past 2 years. university, bahay. university, bahay. some few things in teh side, but it all revolves in teh university, bahay cycle... now, i hope it changes. im especially elated when jerson asked us to prepare 250 bucks for OUR pep uniform... weee!

i take that as preliminary admission. of course, there are more assessments to come. so come what may. we'll cross the bridge when we get there.

kristel, way to go. mark, tibay mo chong. pipo, game. ajee, nyak, may mas bunso na sakin. bogie and miggy, freshmen lang kayo?? wala, nadethrone na ko. maybe i really should grow up. nelmi, dont be late next time. bren, ok lng yan. dyanne, chong thanks talaga, i have a lot of things to thank you for. blah. blah.

and thanks to the seniors nga pala. especially carlis, damn man you're the man.

one big day has come to an end. i think ive grown by a few degrees, but not to worry, im still my old neurotic and pillow-loving self. Ü

...

"dnt tlk 2 kimoy abt me.. pleeeease.."

what's that supposed to mean?? if there's anything wrong with whatever, talk to me personally. face me. ask me if you have something to ask. i think im ready to tell my side.

back-talking is the craft of cowards.

...

congratulations to me for not breaking into pieces in the first assessment... bonne chance.

-je veux dormir-

Write Up

here's the deal. danazart asked me to make him a write up that's 80 words long and he lined me dead until tomorrow.

being the best friend that he is, i have to set aside everything, and do him the write up. and ive been staring at my monitor for 30 minutes thinking of the many memories we shared in la salle, with aizel of course, makes 80 words so so short for a write up. and considering that the deadline is tomorrow. panic.

but well, darryl always believed in my sudden writing abilities, so. un.

i came up with this...:

Define Darryl. Darryl is a creature who spent his childhood in the sunny southern city of Oroquieta, hence the tan. Later on in his life, his tan turned bronze, as his genius in tennis lifted him to stardom in DLSL. He then excelled in economics, and thus went to DLSU for his bachelor. But whatever happens of him, he will forever be my laughter, my shelter, my story. Define Darryl. Two words… BEST FRIEND. Godspeed buddy! I’m so proud of you. Ü

...

thank God for people like danazart. i remember when i ran away from home, he was the one who let me into their home (which serves the most sumptious dinner by the way...), and sheltered me like a brother. we have been through tough times together, and im happy that we are still very good friends until now. to darryl, im so glad i have you and aizel. with you i feel safe.

...

moving on.

i havent talked to her much lately. hmmm... until when kaya will the silence be...

...

im still aching! its worse today. i cant even do basic functions because the mere movement of my left arm makes everything ache. dammit. we should have done more cardio before we went into the pushups and crunches.. erf. next time..

ay fuck! tomorrow na pala ung next time... physical training ng pep tom! putek. i havent even recuperated from my inflamed muscles désorientation, and tomorrow is another long day. huff. ive bought three different kinds of pain killers today. (haha, ganun ako ka-drug dependent)... one plaster type, one liniment, and one gel. i thought salonpas will do, but no. i still had to buy more painkillers, coz its really drivin me crazy. hell.

i need a masseuse...

help me. im aching...

-huhu-

Bitter Ouch

i woke up to a very painful morning.

midriff is aching, and my triceps cant even be stretched. abdominal muscles are inflamed. pectorals are none the better. tangina. i guess i wont be attending physical training tomorrow.

its the same pain i experienced when i first enrolled in a fitness gym. so sick of it. that's why i stopped buffing up. then here it is again now.

erf.

what's teh best way to numb inflamed muscles???? lian!! i need help. give me my pain killers.

just as my muscles ache so badly, my mind bugs itself also, thinking what would happen to a fling im currently engaged to. it's not getting anywhere.

im too busy to even verse what's happening. well. if only i could read her blog now.

or better yet... if she'll talk to me about what she's thinking about... lar.

well.

teka. fyi.. tin knows her blog. and ayen do too. that's tin's reason to say that she "knows more about her than [i] do..."

unfair. you guys are getting around me. that's not fair. bleh.

maybe salonpas will cure my aching muscles.

aarrrghh, ang sakit talaga. tangina...

-painkillers!!-

Reversing Biology

one very long entry coming up. not advisable for easily bored people...

thomas eisnar is fast becoing my mentor for my isolate (frustrated!) studies in biology. he is a chemical ecologist who is a musician as well. i've read an article/interview of him in that heavy bio book over there, and he's such a fancy funny guy. he recounts how charles darwin puts a bombardier beetle in his mouth to catch two other beetles. the reaction of the bombardier was to emit a chemical mixture whose temperature matched the boiling point of water. i bet darwin suffered cankers soon after.

eisnar is a very funny guy. i can feel his sunny disposition even if im just reading him. and he knows his biology very well. and anatomy. he recounts... this is the funny part... that human males have glands on their armpits that effuses a certain chemical scent that when sniffed by women, will regularize their ovulation cycle...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! lolh.

see. women needs men. else they'd go cranky like hardwood, and all the women in the world will be uptight little misses petrificus totalus.

erm. hay. it's just so bad that i didn't write BS BIOLOGY in my upcat form two years ago. i know i have the makings of a biologist. when i was a child, my peers would go wet themselves on mud puddles or tinker stupidly with their toy trucks that only goes forward or backwards. during those times, im playing with ants, or certain annelids, or even pelicypeds.

i love the way life forms responded to chemical stimuli. like a worm for example. they curdle (like milk haha) when you put rock salt on them. so basically i like torturing critters. so you're doubting my makings for a biologist now dont you? after reading the introduction of that heavy bio book over there, i realized that bio has a very big problem hindering the forward progress of the study of life.

when you study life, you have to break it down into it's elementary particles. and in the process, disrupt the process of life itself.

it's like bringing death to a living unit.

if i had the makings of a biologist, maybe id even have the makings of person who would found a new field of science that would revolutionize the importance of death in relation to the study of life. if there's a biology, can there be a necrology?

mortology? deathology?

in their quest to learn more about life and soul, biologists kill living organisms. they isolate organelles from the cell through centrifugation, to learn more about them. if you have to disrupt life in order to study it, maybe there is a way to study life through the death of an organism.

or better yet, bring back life to a collection of organic molecules that ceased from functioning (i.e. cadavers...)

agh. all so abstract. you'll soon get what im saying.

...

tin:

im not avoiding anybody. im just so busy creating a routine for my sem. i will be in touch soon.

...

teka. you're saying everyone says i appear to be avoiding you. how come you're the only one confronting me about this?

if you'll look closely, nobody's bothered that im not around...

... or is it just me? ...

i cant wait for french 11. mam ventanilla is the best. even better than mam zapata. mam ventanilla speaks better french. i hope id be as good as her.

-squeak then touch me not-

Slack Day

yes it is. i told myself this day wouldn't end without my books being covered in clear plastic. voila. all paper still. i bought all the materials needed, but when i came to doing it, i didn't get the hang of it. and i have a lot of mess to clean from my bed. coz everything's ready for book covering, but all of a sudden i dont have the energy to do it.

talk about slacking, im almost letting this day pass without opening that heavy bio book over there, and my other brand new book in econometrics. i dunno, but today my brain is not attuned to its usual bio defaults. what more being econometrically interested.

and i bought the wrong folder for my french handouts. i didnt go back to national bookstore anymore because, as i said, i felt slouchy, whatever. maybe because i slept for more than 4 hours this afternoon.

tick tock tick tock...

i am so useless. i better get a life. maybe id get my hair cut tomorrow. if that's getting a life.

tick tock tick tock...

i hope i could get along well with the pep people. they seem so hard when you're not in their midst. but that's just a first impression. they're actually quite nice. i remember LA and ajin ushering me into VC last year, me having to defer later on. jerson is nice also. he has the makings of a head drummer. which he actually is. cyd is scary. he's too big for my own good. jeho is our salvation. he kept teaching us without tiring. even if we're slow learners... now my problem is jingo.

let's call him fido. fido dido.

fido is friends with bato, who is a schoolmate of mine (econ) and is a tad aloof to most people... in a bad way. fido also knows BS, who, unknown to many, is the biggest joke we laugh at in school. yes, we are bullies in our own, stinging ways.

yesterday's training, we were moving around UP finding a place to practice. fido told me we were batchmates, to which i found nothing i could respond about. so i just told him i know he knows bato, who is from the college i go to. fido asks how's my impression of bato, and i said "hindi ko gusto. angas eh." fido continues to asking about BS, and i told him i dont like him either. and then i returned a question, "sino bang [nakakarelate] dun?"

fido says: "ako..."

nyay. and he asks me if im a member of Babes, and i said no, and he was...

patay. me and my big mouth.

hmm, was naman eh. so baka hindi na ngaun. he he.

...

since dyanne's car is coded not to drive around city during fridays, she decided that TF trainings will be carless. that means we will be commuting through pitch dark UP at nine in the evening. because normally, dyanne brings her car, and she just drops me off at katipunan. but TF's will be different. it will be scary... we have to strategize to avoid rapists, or kidnappers, or thieves, or psychos for that matter. oh dear Lord.

color me maroon.

-peppy-

Midafternoon Entry

thank God for free wednedays, otherwise, i wouldn't even have time to take a breather. originally, school commences 7-4 during mondays and thursdays, and 830-230 on tuesdays and fridays... now, i stay in UP up till 9! hmm, org thing. im getting way out of my league.

yes i am a proby student, yes i am intellectually challenged when it comes to economics and terms, but yes, i still have the guts to get me another org! or get me into the varsity for that matter. tssh... even if this calls for less time for my mind-boggling majors, i still applied. hey, i have free wednesdays. if someone's gonna give me a crash course for time management, maybe i'd survive. maybe im crazy, for joining a nocturnal org, but well. what's youth without the spice of it. i started believing that endless and tiresome studying of something that my brain doesn't have the capacity to learn is indeed, pointless. so im taking advantage of the diversions.

besides, i have niña around. we promised to help each other with acads. i just hope she stands to her words. unlike some people . out .. there ... ...

ok, my schedule will be my written proof of my other incapacity to handle BB42's class fund. every junior's busy. im temporarily giving up this responsibility, because im reading this sem at wits end. no one even cares to pay anyways.

...

everyone's transferring to UP... just yesterday, while i was running and panting heavily to reach 5th flor of cal for my first subject (ugh, for the love of ventanilla), i bumped into a person from my elementary! and he was supposed to be our valedicatorian back then. news led me to believing that he's in UP Manila preparing for medschool. but lo! and suddenly i felt nostalgic. missed my elementary so badly, i hardly spoke a word in french that day. which is bad.

ive heard that iona studies in UP na din... and anton also. hmmm.. i just hope high school wars are over.

...

i just realized that sophistication is my first prerequisite to trusting. i have more. and i detest loud people. simply having a loud voice makes my guts cringe. ok, so maybe not loud, i'd say, squeaky loud, or piercing loud, the type that could be heard even if it's miles away. uff. and i hate too much attention. i love people noticing me. but i dont like people using me to get attention. you get it? me cocky? nah. some people are really like that. basta.

and oh. im so annoyed of fake laughs. dont try to laugh yourself. it's even funnier hearing a fake laugh when obviously there's nothing to laugh about.

i have never changed. im still the simple living, quiet, and reflective pillow lover that i am. now moving on. since i have my schedule in mind, it's time to coordinate with my original friends, so we could hang out together again. see yall guys!

-beebee-

Snare Me

spending friday night at... home. with mum. i had to hurry coz she doesn't have a key. no sarah's. too bad.

tangina hindi ako mapakali...

fuck.

-snares on my ears-

Diverted Threefold

i should really pay attention to my acads. really. everything's just diverting me from doing it.

-sweat for me, baby-

Size T

eff.

i should be studying now. really. if i want to sleep and wake up the other morning without this proby thing in my head, i should start reading ahead. but then. there are more pressing issues i should attend to.

was in divi all half-day long with niña buying stuff, updating my closet. i had three tees. one boringly green, one brown with a very cocky statement emblazoned on the front, and one white top which is another addition to my white tees collection, comprising almost half of my clothes.

thanks to divi, i now know what the size T means... Teens.

i am tired like hell. maybe the liquors and everything are still in my body that's why im upped and downed all the while. liquors, and my excitement to shop. my brain's shouting at itself, wanting to sleep and at the same time, forage for goodies. erg. so used.

...

i want to have someone who would put my chaotic life into place. someone who gives me peace and quiet by just looking at her eyes.

someone: you have a chaotic life? hindi mukha.

well. yeah. basically im none of the chaotic guys you see in fight club or dukes of hazzard or wherever. yes i am almost perfect. i dont smoke, i drink socially, i know when to study and when to give me a break, i have friends, i am conversant in english, and i am not fat or abnormal or grotesque. i am none of the chaotic person your vocabulary defines for you. but if you just knew what's happening inside of me... if you knew what i have to hear from my self...

maingay.

all the while i have to hear the sighs and screams of my inner being, because after all, i didnt want all of my polished routinary life. inside me, someone screams for affection, someone tells me to enjoy my youth, someone says im so great i can be even greater if i become proactive, someone says im so not great because im secretive and hypergraphic, someone tells me to go kill myself just because, and someone even screams for vengeance for an aspect in my life that still exists in disquiet.

i am all chaotic inside. pacification is that one single medicine that had eluded me for the past 19 years. i sleep with worry, anger, pain, temporary happiness, and excitement in my heart. people may not get me, but im not asking people to understand. so dont argue about what's chaotic and what's not. you're not the one hearing the tormenting voices emanating from my soul. i hope you'd get it if i say "it's quarter life crisis..." but come to think of it, your definition of QLC is too down-to-earth compared to mine.

...

the biggest realization in my life yet is that the only person who could help myself out of all the rut that was, is, and will be, is... myself.

...

talk to me. please.

-c'mon-

Dix Neuf

Im still contemplating on how I started this sem. Gimmick to the fort with my newfound friends? Yes, I do still have the drive I experienced just hours ago when ma’am quimbo briefed us with econometrics, but, well, i don’t think I have it now, now that we’ve just been from pier1, drinking, fooling around, laughing our lungs out.

Sometimes the things that we bargain to gain experiences get so essential; they become the main elements that mold you. That make you. I admit that I shouldn’t be starting sem in such a very delinquent fashion, but, what’s spending some quality time with real people, enjoying the vitality of my youth, and plain enjoying being young? Nothing compares.

Shout outs to dyanne who was a figure of serenity despite pressing shit. And all of surigao is in her skin. To gale, for her birthday, for being my ate, the ate I never had. To jl, for being funny dude, it really doesn’t matter now if you make a fool out of yourself because you have jl around, who’s always making more fools of everything. For carlis, who, by first meeting, made me realize that smart people sometimes have failing gwa’s, and that smart people also have they human heart to inspire lost low lives like me. And to kit, who, at the moment, makes my heart beat faster.

I have a lot of harmful substances in my body at the moment, and im happy about it. It’s the learning experience that makes this gimmick more than what it seems it is. A few beers, chicken rolls, red ants, a visiting celebrity, blowjobs, and pictures set this sem starter a whole mile away from my traditional. I say it’s all worth my time.

Things on my mind:

-will I join UP SIKAD

-will I join UP PepSquad

-will I google all the names of the people I know

-will I put more focus on some romantic aspect of my uber secretive life

-will I tell people about it

-will I buy the book for econ131 or will I borrow it from Ecosoc

-will I wake up tomorrow with a smile, and destroy the things that only reminds me of...

-will I love econ

-will I love econ

-will I love ECON??

-will I love econ

-will I continue my desensitization towards shrimp, because shrimp are very delicious

-will I make a better me after everything that’s happened tonight

Well. I believe I still have plenty of time to ponder about the answers. In the meantime, I will go to divi tomorrow wid niña, update my closet, and get the shit out of my itching shopping feet.

My eyes are droopy now. I might need some relaxin. More next time.

-cheerios-

Taiping, Malaysia

i was surfing a while ago and i came upon this lost photo shot during ira's debut. wala lang. id just want you to meet half of my class from highschool..

presenting... BB42!!

la classe de crème année académique deux mille trois - deux mille quatre
(cream class AY2003-2004)

ok, so maybe half of it... by the way, the official name of our section is BB42 Taiping, Malaysia.

apparently, there's a La Salle school in Taiping. hmmm...

thank God Saint-Jean Baptiste de la Salle is French. i can't imagine la salle being DE LA SALA LIPA, or cream class being called CLASE DE CREMA... that would have made it sound like a fatty chaloric dessert. nyaha!

so it's like Saint John Baptist of the Room... what the hell does that mean?

i admit, maybe my lasallian history is indeed rusty, but im better off compared to others because i know SJBdlS and Saint Brother Jaime Hilario, and St. Mutien Marie, and the rest of the gang, i mean the lasallian brothers. unlike some people i know, who call themselves lasallians, (or well, lasallites...) and doesn't even know who Saint Benilde is.

hint: DLSZ (have you guessed it right? uh, man, i know my clue's too hard to decipher, yes i know, but that's only because i can't give away the dignity of our brethren you know. look i know these four letters mean so many things, but ok, let's just say that the four letters are the abbreviations of the name of the place where the persons im referring to above came from ~)

ask anyone from ~ about the meaning of Fratres Scholarum Christianarum, and they'd probably just gawk at you, thinking how on earth you learned how to speak in latin.

haha. bad me. well. im a gemini. haha! this was vida's idea. that geminis are naughty.. i mean, witty. too witty for our own good. mix it with some lasallian brattiness, and voila! you have me. soignez!

bon soir!

-a demain-

Sem Starter

back.

im supposed to blog about my antipolo adventures but i dont have the enthusiasm to blog about it now... ive walked miles going to and fro sm and alimall and gateway trying to find my uber kulet mom who didnt catch up with me at rendezvous... she kept moving around, so i had to follow her around also. erg. so. un.

the only good thing that happened to me today is i got my new pair of chuck taylors from mom. these shoes are fun, coz they dont have strings attached. it's just that they're blue... again. have i mentioned how my "once-blue" chuck taylors quickly faded into a brownish violet pair of sneakers?

my mum washed them with a brush whose bristles are as sharp as needles. and the two leather lines at the sides are falling apart.

herm... good luck to my old sneakers. one full sem ahead. shoes are busy again. no more bumming around. watching tv, eating like there's no more tomorrow.

i think ive been watching too much tv programs lately. cheesy tv programs.

warning: dont read on. not me blogging.

...

i wonder what pleasure you get when you look at someone and suddenly everything feels right. let's say, you have a childhood sweetheart who we will call paris. she was that pretty girl who you fell in love with, but you fell out of relations from her, and you moved on, engaged in a relationship with some other girl, and lived a happy and quiet life, which will, in a blink of the eye, fall back into doubts and fears because you were trapped in a malfunctioning elevator with, guess who... paris! who was out of your life for a while, and is suddenly there again, wanting you, reciprocating everything, and you wanting her back also, but you have a girlfriend, but here you have paris, and everytime you look at her, everything's so right that there's no more arguing...

it's like everything's falling into their right places.

daw.

that's what they say.

hmmm..

i want to have someone who would put my chaotic life into place. someone who gives me peace and quiet by just looking at her eyes. i want to grow old with someone who's willing to spend the rest of her life with me, to discover every inch of our bodies and souls, to live a magnificent life with a bunch of bouncing kids and a nice house and a dog named porky.

?

i like i like.

may i find my true love.

but then you cant go into that kind of relationship if you are ... i think... nineteen. coz you're all immature and busy with acads and busy enjoying the vitality of youth, or busy looking for sex everywhere (coz that's what a person is too curious about when you're a teen.) maybe one has to wait until, hmm, maybe... 20... so you get all mature and responsible and knowledgeable and stuff...

and that's like - ONE YEAR FROM NOW! YEYEAH!

HAH!

end of hormonal hyperdrive.

i bought another pair of slippers in sm. they're brown this time, but it's basically the same as the other pairs i bought before. it's as cheap also. at Php80, i can make a whole collection of those slippers in one shopping. but i bought one only, kasi. wala. financial crisis. haha!

i cant think of a time when mum told me "anak, we are not on a financial crisis, go to the mall and double the size of your closet! dali!"

no. never.

i hope she'll say that soon. haha! well. in my dreams. but it has to happen! here's my current wantlist:

- More Php80 PLANET slippers. (oo, planet slippers, yung tipong pambaha slippers. tin has her own white baha slippers, and she only uses them during baha season. i thought maybe i could snatch the idea and wear them all sem long. Ü)
- iPod nano
- cd-rom/dvd combo drive for PC's
- a cellphone that can easily be surrendered to a holdupper when the very unfortunate time calls for it
- clothes, so i can try out some new getups
- cable tv... nothing i just want it back.
- a dog who i will name porky, after my cousin whose name is... porky.
- a new schoolbag (which will be scrapped from this wishlist shortly because there's no way im gonna buy a new schoolbag. mum says i use my two old schoolbags. so. erg.)
- a nickelback album
- and albums by my chemical romance, dashboard, evanescence, jason mraz, urbandub, kelly clarkson, tonic, and switchfoot.

blah.

i finally found that lasallista song by ogie alcasid and janno gibbs. it's very funny, coz they messed atenistas in the lyrics. haha. you should hear it. it's very funny.

oh no! classes start tomorrow! daiing! the only subjects im looking forward to this sem is geog of asia and french. i hope i pass my ewa. i need to give it some grooming.

-bai!-

Today's Updates

you cant imagine how happy i am. i started believing that i would be a late registrant because i wasnt able to get slots for geog143 (easy uno daw..). i thought i had to wait until tuesday so i can prerog, something i havent done before, but good thing sir saguin allowed me and angie to enlist for his class. yey! we found him at the geog dept. when we found him and asked him if we could prerog for his class, he simply asked us... "what is the capital of uzbekistan...?"

we just stared at him, and voila! he enlisted us... haha!

where the hell is uzbekistan anyways?

angie is very friendly. and very pretty too...☺

oh but i still wasnt able to enroll because econ rvc just fucks everything up, so id have to wait and wait and wait for my form5 until forever. my form5 is still at econ. darn. arjay rvc is so bagal in everything, may i just say.

but tin is good and ayen is good also. haha. i find it weird that im undergoing the enrollment process and all the hassles of it, while they just sit there and... uh... suffer the hassles of... sitting there... ?

rvc is tough you now. not like the rvc's of other colleges, econ is way too high-ended.

...

my first class for next sem is... *drum roll* FRENCH 11!! yeeha! i hope ma'am zapata teaches my french. i liked her, ever since she sub-ed for our french10 once. she's the man.

...

aida is one funny girl. she made me realize that aside from me and ayen and the rest of the gang, there are a LOT of MEAN PEOPLE in econ. and they all hate coño gang.

hmm...

uh... now that it's kinda mainstream hating the coño gang, i think id have to dismiss it. its pop already. haha! so parang gasgas na. haha!

...

erm. one of the coño gang is in three of my classes this sem. erg. malas ko talaga.

my friends directory has expanded threefold. yeah.

blah.

-bai-

Drews 4

yey.

i've enlisted 15 units on my form5a. 1 more and im done with everything. angie said we'd take geog143 because it's an easy uno, but there no slots left, so maybe we'd prerog on tuesday. bonne chance!

what's happened to rvc? they talk to people now, they even share chats, ayen even called me while she was on the job.. huh? i mean i thought they cant afford socializing to people because econrvc is a very strict discipline. well.

i wonder if the rvc will speak in french if i talk to them in french. tin can, i mean, it's tin... but how about the others? ayen had french 10 also. will she talk to me in french if i talked to her en francais? haha.

tin in action. hahahahhahahahhahahhaha... be polite!

well, let me just say: tin, you're looking good. this is the best way you looked, ever. maybe the hair... i dunno. or vitamin e?

vitamin e is a macromolecule (chem16) hehe.

je veux etudier mon lecon francais! allez allez! a francais onze! hay buti nakuha ko ung french11! dinaan ko na lang sa charms... coz the time i enlisted was actually scheduled for students with surnames starting in F-O, and mine starts in T... well. charms. haha.

damn geog ra's. something happened to me at the department of geography because of some blabbering bitch who vented on me her hatred on econ rvc because she wasnt enlisted by the rvc on a certain economics elective. bad bad. as if im an rvc personnel. but econ rvc is all support. kuya jules said aawayin din nila ung geog ra's... hehe.

tomorrow i'll bum out at econ. hmmm... im getting the hang of manning the sidhi station because that way, i get to sign form5's with my signature... haha, feeling authority.

was at drews a while ago with gale, jl, and kit. Ü happy moments.

by the way here's my current schedule:
MTh:
7-830 Bio11lec
1130-230 Bio11lab
230-400 Econ106

TF:
830-10 French11
10-12 Econ131
~130-3 Geog 143 (not yet enlisted here)

c'est la. alors, a demain! je dois dormir...

-merci mon Dieu-

New Optimism

today, i woke up to a beautiful morning.

i hope i wake up to beautiful mornings all sem long. it gives me an optimistic drive to conquer this sem... or... maybe im just inspired, by mr arcenas, or by my "sudden" friends, or some other special friends... Ü

...

i have nothing much to blog about today. hmm...

masaya pumirma sa form5 ng mga students... hihi.

...

is constant companionship enough basis to fall in love?

hmm... ewan. let time tell.

...

blah.

-pizza pizza-

Defensive Mechanism

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

~Savin' Me - Nickelback yeah!

daamn. theme song for the day. literally, my academic life needs some saving.

for the first time in my life, i am subjected to probation due to academic delinquency. shit. who would have ever thought that the bright and shining kid with the big smile (and big heart) who aced all subjects (except econ... and accounting) back in formative life was in fact, in a big academic mess in college. damn. so much for my love of bio. so much for my being a writer. so much for my french and graphic arts electives back in high school. it's all coming back to me. all the magnificent academic past is all wrapped up in a list of names of students who are under probation this sem.

fuck.

just so you know, i was voted most friendly student once in kinder and twice in elementary, and was best in math, science, and arts, (and reading = basic literature) during kinder graduation. i was neatest student and best writer in filipino in elementary, and copped many academic awards in high school. and i was in the higher echelons of the academic ladder in high school because i was in the cream section for three years. and there were more than 500 students in my batch, and cream sections only have 45 students in it. just so you know, that im not that much of a dimwit you're trying to deduce of me.

it's just that econ is such a pain in the ass, that i even feel my nerves throbbing when i read econ books. really.

by the way. 4th paragraph is pure defense mechanism. during times like this, i stick to psychological concepts. yes, i am exuding a defense mechanism.

BECAUSE I AM NOT BOBO DAMMIT! TALK TO ME ABOUT THE NATURAL SCIENCES IN THE WORLD, AND YOU SURE WILL MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF ME!

eff.

grrr...

*walks out. buys ice cream. chills...*

*after 9 minutes and 28 seconds...*

good thing mr. arcenas was good enough to lift my spirits for this sem. he said i shouldn't be afraid of what might happen. he said i should be strong, and should believe that it is not impossible to get a high grade in econ131, what more econ106. i just need to lift my ewa, because after all, my gwa is doing fine. if im able to lift it, then i can shift to wherever pre-med course i wanted to shift to. just get high in econ106 and 131.

stupid ewa. even mr. arcenas thinks im not that good in econ. let's see...

EWA = 2.6 ---> poor. very poor.
MWA (math weighted average. yes, there's such thing) = 2.56 ---> will do. but not that good either.
GWA = ~2.4 - ~2.1 ---> at the edge. but will do still.

haay. not very good figures. you're thinking im such a dummy now aren't you whoever you are? well, i say...

ALWA = 1.19 ---> STELLAR!

ALWA stands for arts and letters weighted average. this would include comm3, eng12, french11, and cw10... yeah its a term coined by me. Ü hehe

hmmm. nothing. i just want you to know that im not just some person under probation. im a bright compendium restrained under weathering conditions. econ is not my forte, it never will be. i just hope i will break free of all these.

1.75 or higher. help me God.

-bonne chance-

La Pluie

random thoughts:

whatever happened to nelly furtado. she used to have good songs before because they're sophisticated for her age, and all soul, but now... hey, she doesn't talk like that before. trashy feline. well, it doesn't work for many. well well, a pensylvannian in trl says so also. good cosmos. the bird who used to fly away transformed into a big gwen stefani rip off. too bad.

tomorrow i'll be at UPSE to man the booth of SIDHI. will need some help with the collections, because, as of empirical knowledge, i am such a scatterbrain. and my memory is a hopeless case. short-term. i do have good photographic memory though, i tell you.

and again, i will live a life of petrification next sem as i still have to take up econ subjects for my own good. too bad, shifting is such a difficult process for me. another sem of projection, self dissatisfaction, and jadedness. i just hate the people. but looking on the brighter side, there are no more seniors. they said bye-bye last march, which is a good thing. as for the hardcore coño's around, well, not to worry, i still believe in coexistence.

...

mark this day as the day i first ever went out on the rain. cool. i was at "Peak" all the time. peak is a psychological term used to describe the moment at which you suddenly transcend emotions after doing something you could only think about before. something like that.

ansarap pala maligo sa ulan. it's a liberating feeling. i remember me imagining myself out in the rain by taking a shower with my back facing the knobs. i say, it's really different if you go out in rain. a good form of transcendence you can never achieve in the bathroom alone.

thanks kit.

j'aime la pluie.

-a tout a l'heure-

98 degrees

how could i possibly lead a healthy life next sem? i have no ref here at the unit, so that means i'd have to eat fast food all the time. and fast food is, well, unhealthy. this would conclude to a hypertensive me as i beat the odds on balancing bio, econ (stupid), and french classes 4 days in a week.

i was at mercury the other day, tried out the weird bmi calculating machine they've been endorsing. my stats say that my body mass index is just right for my height and weight (and age), but my pulse is way too high for the standard normal, which is 95. my pulse is 98. that means i am hypertensive, and nature calls on my dieting on some indulgent stuff.

but how could i do the dieting when im surrounded by all kinds of fried food, and fast food, and canned food, and whatever?

eff. i just wish mom visits more frequently so i get to eat more lutong bahay. my nerves are starting to throb upon the sight of fast food.

crs even aggravates the throbbing.

for the record, i only have 2 schedules on my pre-enlistment results this sem:
bio 11 lec MTh 7:00-8:30 (pucha naman oh. ang aga. im not a morning person pa naman)
bio 11 lab MTh 11:30-2:30 (no lunch...)

fuck.

i hope i get french 11 this sem. there are available slots for morning schedules, so i might just give it a try.

since i dont have anything in my pre-enistment, i'm thinking maybe i should take econ106 again. kit told me that i wouldn't want my future employers stooping over a big sweltering singko on my transcript, so, there. and econ131 perhaps. erf. more econ. this kills me.

next sem is intellectual suicide.

it just isn't that easy, especially if all the people around doesn't even care if you're being left behind. i hope i meet more people in bio. come to think of it, ive been counting the friends i gained this summer, and they are actually almost more than the friends i have in econ. believe it or not. and they're not just friends ha. they know how to uplift your spirit when the grades are six feet under. or when shelter suddenly mattered like life or death. or when you are just plain lonely, you start talking of stuff that is virtually "untalkable" in econ.

i have to meet more of these people. to my intellectual suicide!

bonna chance.

-Fate doit accorder mon rêve-

CRS Damnation

it's raining hard again. it's been long since we had thunderstorms with lightnings.

~rosario adventures cont.

the puppy likes me. franco is a very lazy dog. he sleeps on the grass from morning till late afternoon. after that he will playfight with the other puppy (who's name is oscar... haha, another spanish telenovela character...), and then sleep again. then eat, then sleep again. sloth. that's why he's obese on puppy standards.

im on the top of the world!

nice foot bridge. dangerous foot bridge, i may say. it's made up of 5 years old steel, and 5 years old ferrous oxide... more commonly known as - rust.

haha. very funny. thanks to my cousin who untiringly caught all the pictures using my phone.

...

on crs...

damn crs. 1 lng enlisted ko na subject. bio11 lng. maybe that's because im under probation this sem, kya manual muna lahat. erf. fuck econ.

im actually looking forward to coming into terms with my being under probation with dr. kraft (head of undergraduate studies blah blah). i wonder if she gives advice to detrimentally lost students like me.

ewan. bahala na.

looking forward to french11.

ay.

wala nga pala ako french11!! AAARGH! damn crs...

prerog na lang. dun sa class ni tin! yey!

am hoping not to see the horrendous econ people i so detested for two years now. ergh. they're just everywhere. i went to mcdo, andun sila. i went to kfc, andun pa rin sila. i went to starbucks, andun pa din? furck. coñotica dominating the world over.

hmmm. boring.

i am itching to search this one blog of someone in livejournal but... i made a promise not to search for it. pero im curious. hmmm...

alors. je dois manger mon dîner parce que mon estomac fait mal.

je veux étudier français onze a la semaine prochaine. je prie le cal-rvc me donne le sujet.

au revoir!

-j'ai mal a la tête-

Rosario Adventures

im back..

going back to batangas is therapeutic. every time i go back home, i get peace in my mind, luster to my hair, and fat in my tummy. i also realized that the reason why i kept being my ectomorph self is because i think too much when im here in qc.

rosario is where i get in touch with my inner naturalist. see multiply for whateverstuff.

i love puppies. i saw this half-breed at my cousin's house.


see! may chemistry kami! i was forever toting with the puppy. hehe. which, by the way, is named after a spanish telenovela character...


then i did some bicycling. masaya pala mag-bike pag baku-bako ung dadaanan mo. yay!

hmm. more of my adventures on next entry.

as if you care, noh? haha. wla lang. gusto ko lang ikwento. immersing myself on the happy moments because, after all, all these happy moments dissipate into the dark truth that i am trapped in econ, one sem short of being expelled from UPSE, with no concrete idea how i will ever get myself into med school. time is running out, and i only have the picture of my elements to keep me going.

-...-